The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call? I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

- I will connect you. - B. Altman.

Where may I direct your call? I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

Aah! Too many calls. I can't!

Hold on! I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

Head between your knees.

I will connect you.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you.

Twisted! I'm twisted!

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

Breathe, honey, breathe.

I will connect you.

Midge, help!

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

Midge, help!

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you.

Whew! You'd think we were giving away Pat Boone tickets.

Gosh. You're amazing.

I've had a lot of practice.

Try manning the Revlon counter on a Free Makeover Friday.

- Makeup counter? - Yup.

- You were in the show. - What's it like?

- I hear there's music. - And lunch breaks.

- And air. - It is all of that and more.

Sounds like heaven.

It was.

So, how come you landed here?

I hit a rough patch.

There was an incident named Penny.

Bottom line is, I am not a tramp

and someday I'm gonna be back at that counter.

But until then...

B. Altman. Where may I connect your call?

Fuck off.

Yeah?

Hi. Is this Susie Myerson?

- No. - Well, can I speak with Susie Myerson?

- Why? - I'm Morris Abramson.

I'm a booker out of Pennsylvania.

I'd like to talk about a client of hers.

Oh. Oh. Yes. This is Susie Myerson.

Uh, what did you say your name was?

Uh, Abramson. Morris Abramson.

Morris, nice to meet you.

Uh, hey, wh-where did you get this number, by the way?

Uh, from the card you gave me?

You're kidding. That worked?

Yes. Listen, I'm interested in your girl... Mrs. Maisel.

Mm. Yeah, she's hot right now.

I heard about the show she did with Lenny Bruce.

Oh, yeah, great show. A star was born.

Well, I was wondering what her availabilities are in February.

Oh, wow. Boy, I wish you'd called a week ago

before I said yes to those two weeks in Reno,

but I'll see what I can do.

Uh, hold on. Let me get my book.

Shit, I got to get a book.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you. Enid.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you. Doris.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you. Ginger.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

I will connect you. Midge.

B. Altman. Where may I direct your call?

Right up your ass.

You're in a good mood.

I am. Hey, why does every girl there sound

like a guy who's just been kicked in the nuts?

What do you want, Susie?

I want to tell you it worked.

- What worked? - The card. The card worked.

One of the guys that I gave it to called. He wants you.

Not just for a hand job. He wants to book you in

- a goddamn club in Philadelphia! - Really?

Fuckin' A.

Yeah. Two other calls came in also.

Newspapers. They heard all about the Lenny Bruce gig,

and they want to know all about you.

We have gotten over the hump, sister.

The rebuilding has begun.

Philadelphia. Wow. That's exciting.

No, it's not. There's nothing exciting about Philadelphia.

Well, I've never been, and I've always wanted to go.

Take Sixth Avenue, add a bell, that's Philadelphia.

I don't think that's accurate.

Midge, you got another call.

Some guy in a total panic.

I have to go back to work.

B. Altman. This is Midge.

Miriam, how long will it take you to get here?

- Two and a half hours. - What?

I work till 6:00.

No. I need you now. Come home.

- But... - Now, Miriam, now.

Papa.

Now, now, now.

I'm here! What is it?

What's the matter? What's missing?

Eye, eye, ear, ear, nose, hand, foot.

Blood? No blood. No blood! Ethan's fine.

Is it Esther? Oh, God.

What's wrong? What's bad?

You look fine. You look fine.

Your eyes are asymmetrical.

Is that why you called me? Her eyes are asymmetrical?

I know that! I have a contingency plan!

- Miriam. - Papa!

I don't know what to do. I don't understand what's happening.

- What's the problem? - It's your mother.

Mama? What's wrong with Mama?

- She's not here. - She's...

Tonight's the annual faculty holiday party,

- and she's not here? - I...

She's never missed this party before, ever.

- Well, where is she? - I don't know.

You don't?

I mean, she went to Paris,

but she was supposed to be back by now.

Paris? She went to Paris? When did she go to Paris?

A few days ago. She was going on a shopping trip or something.

What do you mean "or something"?

It just doesn't make sense that she would miss the party.

- Papa, what did she say? - That she was going to Paris,

and she'd be back before the party.

- She said that? - Yes.

- Well, I assume she said that. - Assume?

This is a great party, Miriam. They have a band.

Papa, did you ask when she'd be back?

- Yes. - A second ago you assumed.

Asked, assumed... same thing.

- Not at all the same thing. - Pretty close.

You teach at Columbia. They should be terrified.

- Did you look around your den? - For what?

For flight information.

A hotel name, a phone number, Amelia Earhart.

- There's nothing in my den. - Papa, think hard.

When Mama said she was going to Paris,

- what exactly did she say? - I don't know.

Concentrate. Recreate the moment.

I was there, and she came in, and...

- I'm going to Paris. - Mm-hmm.

I don't feel like I have a life here anymore.

Everything and everyone that I always counted on

has let me down.

I don't know what my place is here.

You don't need me. Miriam doesn't need me.

I serve no purpose.

I'm unhappy and I'm tired of being unhappy,

so I booked myself a flight for tomorrow night.

Zelda's making lamb for dinner.

Lamb's good.

- Papa, are you kidding me?! - What?

- Mama moved to Paris! - What?! Oh, that's ridiculous.

Did you hear what you just said?

What?

You just told me that Mama told you she was moving to Paris.

I never said that.

"I don't feel like I have a life here.

"Everyone and everything

that I have ever counted on has let me down"?

And you said, "Okay."

No. I said lamb was okay, and it was.

Oh, good grief.

Honestly, Papa, you don't listen.

- Not true. - You don't listen to anyone.

Not true.

"I don't feel like I have a life here"?

Stop repeating that!

All right, I'll admit that sometimes I tune people out,

but mostly because they rarely have anything useful

- or interesting to say. - It's empty.

- What? - Her closet's empty.

Her drawers are empty. Her perfume's gone.

Where's her things?

- Where did they go? - I'm guessing Paris.

But what was she going to wear to the party tonight?

You didn't notice this? You sleep right there.

You live here, too. You didn't notice either.

You're her husband.

You're in her closet way more than I am.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Papa?