The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

Door.

Shut the door, squirrel.

Whiskey.

How are ya?

Bean. Roy Bean.

Maybe you heard of me. My picture's on the wall.

On the other side of that wall over there.

Just, robbed the Granger's trust down in Magdalena.

Hey, that's no easy pickings.

I mean, Bonanza Stud had his hand shot halfway

and I picked, two pellets of crude-iron buckshot

out of my, my ankle.

I always heard that a man in a dodge

is welcome west of Pecos.

Maybe I heard wrong.

You heard right.

"Revised laws and Statutes of the State of Texas."

What's that doing here?

The whores done piss on it.

Give him a drink of cactus whiskey.

You a bank robber?

You get much out of that Magdalena one?

No.

None?

That's right, none.

Buy me a drink, bank robber?

Listen, when Roy Bean drinks, everybody drinks.

Give me the money.

I want some of that money!

Get off him.

Yeah, that's right.

Go!

Gun. Gun.

Come back here, you son of a bitch!

Kill him! Shoot him!

- I'm going to get Marvin. - Alright.

Come on back here! I ain't through killing you!

Ya hear me? All of your kind, I'll be waitin'!

The first time I saw Roy Bean

he was set on killin' me.

Thought I was the devil comin' to take him.

It was an understandable thought

considering all the carnage

that he had so recently brought forth.

I'm the reverend, Mr. LaSalle.

Though I walk in the valley of the shadow...

I fear not.

What has happened here?

These men tried to hang me

and they have been killed for it.

- How many of them are there? - A lot of 'em.

- Who did the killing? - I did.

They were bad men

and the whores weren't ladies.

Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord.

It was.

I'm waitin' for the buzzards.

They don't deserve buryin'.

Maybe they don't, but they ought to be.

They are a stench and an abomination.

I've got a shovel if you don't.

I buried them because Christ had died for all of 'em.

It was his choice, not mine.

I am not one to question the wisdom of the Almighty.

Get my Bible.

It is in the saddlebag.

I will read over the dead now.

Now, my Bible, please, mister...

Bean.

- Bean. - Roy Bean.

Judge Roy Bean.

I am the new law in this area.

What has qualified you as such?

I know the law

since I have spent my entire life

in its flagrant disregard.

I'd never killed a man before.

I'd shot at some...

in self-defense or blind fright

but I never hit anyone.

So God must have directed my bullets.

Why, he even sent an angel...

to deliver this weapon.

Just how do you intend to dispense this law?

With this... and a rope.

And will you rely again on the grace of God?

Well, I intend to practice.

Give him some help.

Get on with the readin'.

I've turned to the "Book of Psalms"

and I will read from Psalm number 58

which I deem to be appropriate.

"Let their teeth be broken"

"and blooded in their mouths"

"the great teeth of the young lions."

"He shall take them away, as with a whirlwind"

"both living and in his wrath."

"The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance."

"He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked"

"so that a man shall say"

"verily, there is a reward for the righteous."

"Verily, he is a God that that judgeth in the Earth."

What of them?

How do they fit into your scheme of justice?

The law is going to protect 'em.

Says that somewhere in here.

- Where is she? - Who? The angel?

If ever there was one.

Does she speak American?

What is your name, senorita?

How are you called?

Maria Elena.

Well, Maria Elena, I...

I want to thank you for what you done

is what I want to do.

Maybe you can explain to these people here that

that I mean them no harm.

Tell 'em it's going to be a new place.

It's going to be a nice place to live.

I'm the new judge. There's going to be law.

There's going to be order, progress

civilization, and peace.

Above all, peace.

And I don't care who I have to kill to get it.

Go on. You tell 'em that.

Tell them all the horses

that belonged to them vermin are theirs.

Their guns.

The land.

Just that place.

That place there, that's mine.

- They do not want the horses. - No, no.

They'll take the horses. They do not want the land.

They are grateful.

They do not need the guns. You are their patron.

You mean I own everything if I do all the gettin' shot at.

It is an old and fair arrangement.

And somewhat shrewd, I might add.

Well, that brothel there, it will be my courthouse.

Place to deal out justice.

Place to get shot at and shoot and hang others from.

That's what it is.

I intend to live there, regardless.

What is it, my child?

I will live there, too.

She will what?

You don't want me to live there.

No, I don't.

Not yet, anyway.

Don't you have parents or the like?

Perhaps she could live in that little shack off to the side.

Perhaps you could live in that little shack off to the side.

Blessed is the Lord, thy strength

which teaches thy hand to war and thy fingers to fight.

I shall pray for you, Bean.

This land abounds in ruffians and varmints.

Their numbers are legion, their evil skills commensurate.

Piss on 'em.

That was the first and last time

I saw Judge Roy Bean.

I never got back to that country

and died of dysentery in old Mexico.

I haven't seen him since, so he probably went to hell.

Lillie Langtry.

The Jersey Lily.

Fairest voice, softest hair,

eyes the color of a starlit night.

The most beautiful woman in all creation.

That's what that is.

Why, even princes

drink champagne from her slipper.

Look at the color of that hair.

I can't see any color.

Well, that's 'cause it's a bad likeness.

But even a bad likeness of Lillie Langtry

is worth most women in the flesh.

Get back in there, child.

Who are you?

Big Bart Jackson.

This is my gang.

Tector Crites.

Whorehouse Lucky Jim.

Nick the Grub, Fermel Parlee.

- You outlaws? - We're honest men.

Merely been driven to a life beyond the law by circumstances.

- You ever been here before? - No.

Don't even know where I am now.

Well, it's the Eagle's Nest, Vinegarroon County, Texas.

Vinegarroon.

What is a Vinegarroon?

Well, it's a Mexican word.

Means whipped-tailed scorpion, mean as hell.

I don't want trouble from you

only food, water, and some cactus whiskey

if that sign's not an idle boast.

Nothing on that sign is an idle boast.

Including the law. Got any money?

Not much.

We tried to rob Three Rivers Flyer.

Couldn't catch it.