The Family Holiday

Merry Christmas, pooch.

Man: Hey, weasel!

Stop!

Here ya go, boy.

Foster Mother: We've been their foster parents

for such a short period of time.

- I don't care how long you've had them.

Where are Tim and Amanda now?

- But, Ms. Brown, the twins have never been separated.

Little matter.

They cannot be adopted together.

The decision is final.

Is that policy?

No, fact.

Amanda, come on.

We gotta go.

Why?

- 'Cause we want to stay together.

Why?

- 'Cause Mom and Dad wouldn't want us to be apart.

Why?

- Can't you say anything but why?

Where are we going?

Away from here.

- But Ms. Brown, is there no other way?

None.

That's how the system works.

Please get the children.

- But it's only two weeks 'til Christmas.

It's cold.

I know it is.

Come on.

Tim, I'm cold.

I want to go back.

Don't say a word.

Hey!

Hey, kids, you see anybody just now?

Well, what is it, yes or no?

- Oh, you mean the guy who ran that way?

Thanks, kid.

Hey.

Quick thinking, kid.

Who are you?

Nobody.

Hey.

We have nowhere to go, Tim.

I want a real family for Christmas.

It'll be okay.

- Mrs. Henderson, you're gonna love the subscription

to American Rose Weekly.

And just like I said,

half the money goes to send the Eagles to California

for the big game.

Like my grandson.

Yes!

Like your grandson, Danny.

Where do I sign?

Oh, you don't.

Remember?

We're gonna take the money

directly over to the school today.

- Oh, of course, you explained that, didn't you?

Yeah, three times already.

The Eagles salute you.

- When will my magazine arrive?

- Oh, they're gonna be here in four to six weeks, ma'am.

Go Eagles!

Go Eagles!

Merry Christmas, ma'am!

Man: Yes?

- I have a COD for a Mrs. Winnifred Norris?

Winnie?

Yeah.

Says so right here on the invoice.

Uh, sir, it's COD.

She's gotta sign for it.

- I'm afraid that's not possible.

Mrs. Norris passed away last month.

Oh, sir, geez.

I am so sorry.

I don't know what to do.

I mean, she ordered it and all.

How much is the charge?

Uh, $79.95.

No need for a tip, though.

- I wonder what she could have ordered.

Oh, it's cologne.

Pretty good stuff, too.

For me.

Yeah, for you.

- Whom do I make the check out to?

Oh, it's COD.

Cash On Delivery.

Company policy.

Of course.

You've been very kind.

Sir, I can't crack $100.

Don't.

The balance is your tip.

Ms. Brown: Isadora Brown here.

I'd like to initiate an all-points bulletin

for two truants.

Then whatever you want to call it.

Missing children who need to be found immediately.

Fraternal twins, seven years old.

Tim, wait!

Santa!

Santa, I need to tell you one thing.

Santa?

He's pretty busy.

- But I need to tell him one thing about Christmas.

You can do it later.

Come on.

You know he's not the real Santa.

He's not?

He's Santa's helper.

Answering Machine: Holiday here!

But I'm not.

You know the routine; I'll get back to ya.

- Mr. Holiday, this is Helen Pandergast.

I am the executive of your uncle's estate,

Clarence Holiday.

You have been named in the late Mr. Holiday's will.

The will is being read in Boston the day after tomorrow.

There's a round trip ticket in your name at the airport.

Please be at the lawfirm of Doyle and Pembroke

at 11:00 a.m. the day after tomorrow.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Doc is in the money!

- Therefore, having no other living heir

except my newphew Donald, I do bequeath

all of my worldly goods to him.

This predicated on the following conditions:

1. That Donald has indeed married as he stated to me

and has also proven himself to be a man of integrity

with a stable means of support and income.

2. That he can prove he is a good husband and father

and has entirely forsaken his errant ways of the past,

which the executrix of my estate will verify.

That's it?

No.

If it is found that Donald Holiday

has not met these conditions as stipulated,

my entire estate of $20 million is to be divided

among the charities I have enumerated

in a separate exhibit.

Finally, to my nephew Donald, I want you to know

that I love you.

I hope fervently you have indeed changed your lifestyle.

These are my wishes, made with a clear conscience

and alert mind.

- I haven't seen him in a while.

- More than a while, actually.

You haven't seen your uncle in over 12 years.

- Well, I said it's been a while.

But I kept in touch.

- Well, yeah, you wrote occasionally.

When you needed money.

And other times.

Well.

As per your uncle's wishes, I will be visiting you

to verify the conditions of the will.

Sure.

- I'm looking forward to meeting your family.

So am I.

Excuse me?

- So am I to know when you're coming to visit us.

When I get there.

- That's as good a time as any.

Donald: So, I can rent the house month to month?

Real Estate Agent: Sure.

When do your wife and kids arrive?

Donald: As soon as I pick them.

Real Estate Agent: Pick them?

Donald: Pick them up at the train station.

Real Estate Agent: Well, here we are.

Sure.

Yep.

- So, three bedrooms, how many?

Three bedrooms, two baths.

Yeah.

- There's a washroom in the basement there.

It's about 865 square feet.

Sure, sure.

Seems solid enough.

- Sorry about all the junk, I'll have somebody

haul this out tomorrow.

- I'll tell you what, I'll take care of it.

- I thought you said you had furniture.

- We'll need something in the next couple of weeks

until it arrives.

Why don't you save the cost of having someone haul it away

and just apply the savings to the first month's rent?

Are you sure?

This stuff's pretty old.

- Yeah, it's no worse than mine.

Excuse me?

- Oh, I said it'll get worse with time.

What's over there?