Death Streamer

What?

Hi.

Wait.

What's your name?

Why?

Why do you wanna know my name?

Just so I know what to call you.

When... - When what?

When we talk. That's what I mean.

Is that what you wanna do? Talk.

Maybe.

Talking might be nice.

I mean, we could do other things.

Your heart is beating quickly.

Drink.

Aren't you drinking?

Yes. Later.

Don't I get to order my own drink?

No.

Drink.

I think I'd rather order my own drink.

Drink it.

I, I, I don't know you.

What if...

What if I?

Drugged me?

- I did. - What?

I drugged it.

Something very special. Now drink it.

Wait. Hold on.

Okay.

I'm holding on.

Now listen to me.

You were meant to come here, to find me.

That's all that matters. That's all you were ever born for.

To be here with me right now.

Now drink.

Drink.

What was in that drink?

I was. My blood.

Your what?

How'd you like it?

I liked it.

Is something wrong?

Everything's perfect, just like you!

And now it's time for episode 225

of Alexander's "Church of Chills."

Watch in horror, as we reveal ghosts,

monsters, new roots,

and the walking dead.

Welcome to Alexander's "Church of Chills," episode 225.

Alexander Jarvis here, along with my grisly gals,

Edwina and Juniper.

Click like, subscribe. Join our Patreon page.

Smash those buttons.

This episode...

Death in the Rat House.

And...

Haunted baby hands in Evermount Hospital.

Ooh, and the man who ate his family.

With recipes.

It's "Church of Chills."

Okay. And cut.

Wanna do another one?

Why?

- For safety. - Maybe we can make it better.

Seriously, who do I look like to you? Stanley Kubrick.

No, not even slightly.

Thank God.

Alright, finish it up. Send it out.

You check the feed.

I'm gonna start work on 226.

After I take a piss, 'cause that's how I roll.

Well, good luck.

Okay. You girls ready?

Yeah? All right, let's get this down.

All right. Okay.

Juniper start recording.

Okay. This is "Church of Chills,"

episode 226, segment three, prerecord rehearsal.

The vile vivisectionist.

And...

The next terrifying tidbit

straight out of Victorian history is called

Dr. Jonas Hope,

the vile vivisectionist of St. Pancras Hospital.

Back then, doctors didn't know that they needed

to wash their hands before surgery.

And the most, well-known butcher,

I mean surgeon, was Dr. Jonas Hope.

This guy loved nothing better than spending his days

chopping off poor people's arms and legs.

Well, everybody needs a hobby.

But then one day a patient came in

who had been freshly crushed under a falling brick wall.

- Oops. - I'll say. Ooh.

The doctor proceeds to cut off

both of this poor guy's arms and legs.

Of course, without benefit of anesthesia.

And he survives.

And then a demented light dawns on the doctor.

Okay, hold on. Hold on.

Wait. Cut.

Cut, cut.

Oh, come. Jesus Christ.

Stop recording, Junie.

First of all, I am the only one who gets to call cut here.

That's not true. I call cut all the time.

Yeah, yeah, you sure do.

But you're not supposed to. Alright?

The director calls cut, the director.

Me, I'm the director.

And guess what? The director calls cut.

Really? Since when?

Since when? Since always.

That's the rule.

The director calls cut.

No, she means since when are you...

Is this what you're doing here?

Does this make you the director?

That is what you mean, isn't it Junie?

Well, actually, I was referring

to the general role of a director, but sure.

Yeah. Whatever. Let's go with that.

Okay, well, why don't we go with

my interpretation of your remarks?

No, no, no.

How about we go with the fact

that I created the show and my name is on it.

Alex!

- And the fact that you two- - Alex!

You work for me, and I am the director,

and I'm the one who gets to call cut.

- Alex. - What?

Why don't you just ask Eddie why she called cut?

Because I know why Eddie cold cut.

- Really? - Yeah.

You wanna bet on that?

What are you willing to bet?

Hmm. Light of my life.

The criterion collection of your Jess Sprango DVDs.

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't bet that.

Oh! Dammit.

Okay, so how about this?

No more calling cut...

for this episode.

- Deal. - Okay, great.

Wait, what happens if I win?

You girls can have everything I own.

Okay. No, no, wait, that's a trick.

You don't actually own anything, you fucker.

Okay, so what then?

You've gotta be nice to us.

Wait for how long?

Forever.

Seriously.

A week.

Okay, but just hold on a second. Okay.

What is this?

That is why Eddie called cut.

You are a independent arbiter.

Smile when you call me that, stranger.

You may proceed.

Finally. Thank you.

I wanted to point out that there were around two paragraphs

missing about how patients were treated in those wards.

That was all great stuff.

Yeah, yeah. It really is.

As indeed all of your stuff is, Eddie. You're brilliant.

But the show, it's coming in long

and it's gotta come in on time.

And one of us has to be an adult here. Right?

And, and you my love. You don't make cuts.

Junie, please.

Eddie's going to bitch about the ward material being cut.

There it is.

So much for having to be nice to you two bitches.

Don't gimme that sourpuss Look, Eddie.

Now let's reset for take two, without any calling cuts.

And now, it's time for Alexander's "Church of Chills."

The next terrifying tidbit,

straight out of Victorian history, is called...

Dr. Jonas Hope, the vile vivisectionist

of St. Pancreas Hospital.

See, back then, doctors didn't understand that they needed

to wash their hands before surgery.

And the most infamous butcher,

surgeon, was Dr. Jonah Hope.

This guy loved nothing better than chopping off

poor people's arms and legs.

Well, everybody needs a hobby.

One day, a patient had come in who had been crushed

by a falling brick wall.

- Oops. - I'll say. Ooh.

Dr. Jonas proceeded to cut off

both of this poor guy's arms and legs.

Of course, without benefit of anesthesia.

And he survives.

And then, suddenly,

a demented light dawned on the doctor.