Cannonball Run II

For one thoUsand centUries...

the Falafel family has ruled the deserts with one thing:

Speed!

We have the fastest camels and the fastest horses!

Now, dUe to...

...you know what...

...we have the fastest planes...

...the fastest boats and the fastest cars!

Except for one: yours!

Last year I sent yoU to America for one simple task.

So simple.

To emblazon the Falafel name as the fastest in the world

by winning the Cannonball Run.

And yoU .. . failed!

A thousand thanks! - But Lion of the deserts...

...King of Kings...

...Pop! - No excUses, you son of my ugliest wife!

A thousand thanks!

How come you have a blond, blue-eyed slave, hm?

He's an actor. Hasn't had a series in seven years.

Nine!

Two thoUsand thanks! - l know I didn't win, Pop.

I was sick. My ulcer...

I order yoU back to America...

...to win the Cannonball RUn!

I give yoU one Iast chance, because...

...you are my only son with a driver's Iicense.

BUt Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year. - So?

BUy one. - Of course!

Couple of wise guys behind us. - SIow down. Let's see how ballsy they are.

Wow! What a coUple of great-Iooking chicks! - So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em!

Wise broads. - They can't oUtrun the radio.

Charlie, you got one heading yoUr way. You'Il see it in about three minutes.

You're three minUtes are up! Man, a coUple of great-Iooking chicks!

Road's straight as an arrow. I can see for five miles. Wonder where they are?

Don't panic. JUst watch the side roads for dUst. No way they can shake us.

You heard me? I think we Iost 'em. - How can you lose a white Lamborghini

with two chicks in the middle of nowhere? - What is this? A pUiz? We Iost 'em, okay?

Haha. I jUst foUnd 'em, son. This here's the end of the hunt.

Good lUck, buddy!

FigUre, they gotta be between Us. JUst pUII out and block the damn' road.

You got any other bright ideas?

I'm eastbound in pursUit of a white Lamborghini.

This is not a recording.

Hey, thanks for the hose job!

If l tell yoU boys something, yoU won't think I've been drinking, will ya?

The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's a red one behind me honking its horn.

Correction! It's passing me, and it's got two great-Iooking chicks in it!

You know Marcie, we've got this routine down. - Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball.

Oh yeah, l think so. How far is Redondo Beach?

1 50 miles. - Hm, an hour flat.

What are we waiting for? Let's go!

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the fifth annual Madera air show.

The greatest, most sensational gathering of stunt pilots and daredevils in the US.

Displays of flying and coUrage like you've never seen before...

...concluding with the most death-defying stUnt of them all:

The human Bomb! So grab yoUr kids, grab yoUr hats.

The festivities will begin shortly!

Are yoU sUre this is a good idea, J .J.?

A good idea?

We're gonna get so rich. - Rich? - Rich!

We're gonna split everything 50I50 right down the middle. We're partners!

Partners? - YoU bet. We're friends, aren't we? - Partners and friends.

And we're gonna be rich. - Rich partners and friends. - That's right!

What if something goes wrong? - What could go wrong?

We've got the ace dive bomber pilot from World War I l .

Dive bomber? - Oh yeah. He'II Iet you go right oUt of the plane...

...with this. And you'll go right through that target. - Target? - Right throUgh...

...and into a net, strong net. . . - Net?

And if you go through the net, then you'II land in some hay. l mean, so mUch hay

you coUId feed all the cattle in Texas. - What am I worried about?

Nothing! Are yoU crazy? - l'm so glad yoU're IaUghing.

He can't miss! He can't miss! I bless yoU. You will not miss.

J .J., l'm still scared. - YoU're still scared? - Yeah.

Well, if you're scared, you coUId always have "him" do it.

"Him" doesn't come Unless there's grave danger to hUman Iife.

Right...

You oughta call "him".

Hello, this is Jack Smith.

We've broUght our cameras to record for our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber,

flying on a simUIated attack run, drop a human bomb.

A man encased in steel, risking Iife and limb,

hurtling to the groUnd at 1 40 miles per hour!

Now, this is a man of sUch great coUrage

that he's destined to become a household name.

He'II be besieged for autographs,

his pictUre will be on magazine covers all over the world.

Millions of adoring women will be at his feet.

He's boUnd to become a national celebrity.

Oh, shit...

J .J.! Long time no see! - Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.

Listen, l'd like to take yoUr place in the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here.

It'd make me very happy. - YoU want it? - Yes. - You got it.

Thank you. - Suck in! - Okay.

What a gUy!

Give me a D, give me a D, give me a D-E-U ,

give me a T, give me a T, T- S-C-H .

Yea, Deutschland! Listen...

You think yoU might like a beer? - Hey!

Hey! - DeUtschland, DeUtschland. .. - l want outta here!

You asked for it!

Here he comes, folks.. . Here he is...

One of the most dangeroUs stunts we've ever had performed in Madera.

On his final approach.. . This has to be perfect the first time aroUnd .

That's my partner. What a team!

The crash trUcks are on their way. We'II have word on his condition in a minute.

What a pilot! What a pilot! Are yoU okay?

Oh my goodness, did yoU see that? Wasn't that fantastic?

I'm so terrifically happy.. . - Oh, shUt Up and get me oUtta here!

Did yoU hear the crowd? We were terrific! - Get me out!

I can jUst see Us on PEOPLE magazine. We're gonna be a big hit!

J .J., you seem a little shorter!

J .J., are yoU okay? YoU know something? l figUred it out. - Yeah?

If we do this ten times a day. .. - Yeah? - . . . by the end of the year

we're gonna be billionaires!

What is that? - Oh don't worry about that. lt's the Cannonball Race.

It's on again. A million dollars' the prize. Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires.

What did I say? - YoU want me to do this ten times a day?

Nine?

What a groUch!

I asked you to come here out of respect for the family.

In the past, the Cannelloni family

was the richest and most powertul family of all the families.

We controlled drUgs, prostitution, extortion,

prostitution, gambling. .. - Eh.

You said "prostitution" twice.

Well, I like it. And now...

...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettucinis...

...and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are.

And why?

High interest rates? - Acid rain? - Japanese imports?

None of the above.

No.. . No.. . No.

You I'm not even gonna answer.

Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test l . . . I woUId have stUdied.

When I passed on the powers of the Don...

...to my son Don,

making him Don Don,

I had high hopes for him.

And what has he done? He has only brought us disgrace...

...and shame.

Wait a minute...

This cat is dead.

Get me a new cat.

Oh God...

The cat coUId have been a contender.

I should have thought. .. Thank you.

It's a tabby. Very nice.

It's a boy.

Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don.

Don Don. - Hm? - We're here to straighten out your affairs.

What are your assets?

Well, I'm good-natUred and I dress well. And some people think...

What about yoUr Iiabilities? - Well, there is...

...one small Iiability.

What?

Well. . . I coUId use a tUmmy tUck.

A tummy tuck? A tUmmy tuck?!

I'II kill him. . . I'll kill him. - Calm yourself. - I'll kill him.

Don Don, do you have any outstanding markers?

Look in the in-box. - Look in the in-box.

30,000.. . It's not too outstanding, but it's a start.

Fenderbaum? - Hm . - FenderbaUm ...

You better call Jim and tell him where his car is. - Me? I called last time. YoU call Jim.

Well, hi there! - Hi! Could l help yoU girls?

This thing's stUck. - Oh yeah. Yeah.

Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get Iost.

Ugh. What a jerk! - Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey.

Hey, honey. Right here, yeah. Come on here, baby.

Hi, sUgar.

You girls all right? - CoUId be.

This is a beauty. Doesn't soUnd stock.

It isn't. I took the six oUt and shoe-horned in a 363 hemi.

It's hot, baby. - Hey, yoU got room for two more?

I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and l'm Jill. - l'm George. - Let's go, Georgie.

L.A. Tower to Japan cargo. Report to hangar three.

Roger, Tower.

No lUck. They want Us in cUstoms. They'II impound yoUr car for two days.

That means, yoU're gonna miss the race. What do yoU want to do?

Okay, down! - Okay.

Change of plans. YoU're bailing oUt.

BUtton Up! - Roger.

Battle stations!

Okay, make us invisible.

I know yoU're in there, Blake. I can hear the ice cUbes.

This is me, Fenderbaum. So open Up!

Blake, I know yoU're in there!

The Candy Man can.

Everybody Ioves somebody, sometime...

When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini.

There's somebody at the window. - That's jUst the window cleaner.

Honey, who is it? - l don't know. There's nobody there.

Blake!

Open Up the window! - l'II be back in a minUte. Don't go away.

I'm gonna kill him.

There's nothing out here. - BIake! Down here!

I don't care what it is. Not now!

BUt I gotta talk to yoU now.

You gotta? - Yes.

Do yoU know that I'm eighteen stories above the groUnd? Eighteen!