Mind Your Language

- lsn't it time we went back to the classroom? - We okay yet - we wait for Giovanni

Come sit down Sid

- This is Sid the caretaker - Most happy to make your acquaintance

Nice to meet you

You want a cup of coffee, Sid?

Cup of coffee? - No thanks

- l wouldn't mind a fag though - Sure you can have the fag

Max, a cigarette for Sid - Okay

That's very kind of you!

- Sid is gonna talk to us - What is he going to be talking about?

Anything! lt's to improve our English!

lnstead of us all the time speak to each other, we speak with Sid

l think is very good idea

- What we're gonna talk about? - You'll have to talk up

l'm a bit Mutt and Jeff

Excuse me! Who are these Mutt and Jeff?

Mutt and Jeff is deaf

Scuse! What we gonna talk about?

l don't mind! l'm just happy to rest my plates of meat

Excuse please! l am not seeing any plates of meat

Plates of meat is feet

Your feet are plates of meat? - Yes

lt's slang you see! lt's easy if you use your Uncle Ned

- l am not having an uncle Ned - Uncle Ned! Your uncle Ned?

Uncle Ned? - Yes

- You mean he's crazy? - No but l think you lot are

l think you're taking the mick - No

We are interested in everything you tell us!

Already you are teaching us words we not learn before

Please teach us more - Yeah

- l'll tell you about what happened last night - Yes please

Well first of all, l had a bit of a bull and a cow with the trouble and strife

lt was all over the dustbin lids!

l went down the frog and toad into the rub-a-dub and l met my old china plate

He looked a bit Unce Dick so l get him a Jack the Dandy and l had a Vera Lynn

One thing led to another and we were both Brahms and Liszt

So l staggered back home, took off my Dickie dirt and my daisy roots

And passed out like a light on the apples and pears

Blimey l think we are better off talking with each other

lsn't it time you were all back in the classroom?

Sorry professori, we've just been talking with Sid

l've just been helping them with their English Mr. Brown

That should set them back a few weeks

l beg your pardon? - lt doesn't matter

Alright!

We are not understanding a word he's saying Mr. Brown

He's telling us about his Uncle Dick!

Somebody called Jack the Dandy and Brahms and Liszt

He was speaking in rhyming slang

And all the time we think he's English

He is English! He's what is known as a cockney

Rhyming slang is merely using words that rhyme with the word you wish to use

For example, mince pies are eyes

Plates of meat are feet - Yes

l understand, Uncle Ned is head - That's right

- And what is Uncle Dick? - l presume that's sick

And Jack the Dandy? - Brandy

Brahms and Liszt? - Drunk

That's not rhyme - lt's near enough

Come along, we have a lot of work to do! Back to the classroom

What is going on in here? Where is Mr. Brown?

He will be here any minute! He is coming from the tea room

Ten minutes is the normal time to have a tea Mr. Brown

Yes of course! We were discussing parts of speech

Well in future, l'd be obliged if you'd do it in the class

Certainly!

How are your students coming along with their English?

Extremely well

Good, l shall stay and listen for a few minutes

Don't worry! l shan't interfere!

l make it a practise to drop on the classes from time to time

To see what sort of progress is being made

lt's Beef Stroganoff in the cookery class tonight

- Are you trying to get rid of me? - No, l just thought you might fancy a bit

l don't, so will you please begin?

Right! For the rest of this period we're going to talk about shopping

l like him! He's very good!

Pardon? - Shoppin! l like his Polonaise

Giovanni, that's Chopin!

He must have misheard me!

We're going to talk about shopping, buying things

l have here various items which, at some time or another you will probably purchase

So l'm gonna hold them up and ask you to identify them

And we'll see how well you do, alright?

Now who shall we start with? Ali - Yes please

What is this? - Apple

- Lovely! Jelly good - You're not supposed to eat it

l am most sorry! l only had a small bite

You might as well finish it now!

Su Lee, what is this? - lt is olange

Rrrr, Rrrr Orange - Olrange

- That's better - You really must work on those R sounds

l tly velly hard - Try saying...

''Around the rugged rocks the ragged rascal ran''

''Alound luged locks, lagged lascal lan''

You're gonna have to keep practising

Anna, what's this? - A paper bag

- Yes, but what's inside it? - l don't know! l cannot see inside

- lt's flour! You know what flour is? - Ja, what you wear at wedding

No, no, no, this isn't that kind of flower! This is flour to make pastry and bread

Veismal - Yes

Jamila - Yes

What is this?

l'm sure you're right but what is it in English?

Have you ever heard of a carrot?

Carrot? - Yes carrot

Horse and carrot

lncredible! - No, no Jamila

That's horse and cart! This is a carrot!

Who can tell me what these are?

Fish fingers - Good, well done Danielle

Excuse please - No Ali, don't say it

What don't l say?

You weren't going to say anything about fish not having fingers

Yes please - Well don't bother

Max - Tomato

Good, Taro! - Potarto

Potato - Ah so

Giovanni!

Lime Juice - Good

Juan - Cow Juice

Milk - Si, milk

- Do you know where we get milk from Juan? - Si senora, milkman

- Quiet please! We get milk from cows - Si, cows! Vaca!

Ranjeet! - Corn flakes

No oats - Oats

So that is oats!

My friend who l am working with

Every morning he is telling me last night he is having his oats

- He is telling me he likes them very much - l'm sure he does

Who can tell me what this is? - Bacon

- Good, and where does bacon come from? - Milkman

- Bacon does not come from the milkman - Every week l buy bacon from milkman

Pig, pig - Are you calling me pig?

- You are a pig you ltalian ravioli - Shut your plates of meat

That'll do!

What Giovanni was trying to say was that bacon comes from a pig

lt's alright

Can anyone tell me what we call a pig after it has been killed?

Yes please, it is dead pig! - Amazing

No Ali, that's pork!

What is this? Anybody? - A tin of meat

- Yes, actually it's a tin of dog meat - Oh blimey, you're putting dogs in tins to eat

- l think l've heard enough - They are better than they were

They could hardly be worse!

She's absolutely right you know! Some of you are very behind

l spend a lot of time preparing these lessons

And some of you don't take them half as serious as they should

lt's time you put your shoulders to the wheel

What wheel please? - Learning

l think you better stay an extra half hour tonight

lt's Friday night! l got a date - l don't care

l want you to do the exercises on page 53, all of them

And you don't go until you've finished

So long!

l've locked up the tea room Sid - Thanks Glad

Fancy a drink Girl? - No l want to get home

l must have a pint! My throat's spitting fevers