Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats

THERE. PERFECT.

THIS QUICK-DRYING PAINT SHOULD TAKE

ABOUT ONE NAP TO DRY.

BANZAI!

YECH!

HEY, WHO PUT THIS GOOEY STUFF ON THE PORCH?

MMM...

CAUGHT YOU RED-PAWED!

MY PORCH!

YOU WORTHLESS BEAST!

OLD GRUMP. CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.

OH, LEFTY, KNUCKLES, RAUL.

YOU REMEMBERED.

Heathcliff: REMEMBERED WHAT?

OH, NOTHING IMPORTANT, HEATHCLIFF--

FORMERBOYFRIEND.

JUST MY BIRTHDAY.

GEE. HOW OLD ARE YOU?

OOOH!

AAH!

I'LL JUST SETTLE HERE FOR A NICE CATNAP.

STUPID SCHOOL JUNK!

MY ESSAY!

OH, NO!

HEATHCLIFF! HOW COULD YOU?

I'LL SHOW THEM. THOSE CAT-HATERS.

I'LL RUN AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.

HMM. THE FRENCH CAT LEGION.

THAT'S IT.

DOWN WITH THE DESERT RAT HORDES!

UP WITH THE SHISH KEBAB!

I'LL SHOW THEM ALL.

"AND SINCE NOBODY SEEMS TO NEED ME, IGGY,

"I'M OFF TO JOIN THE FRENCH CAT LEGION--

"FOR LIFE. MAYBE LONGER.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD WON'T HAVE HEATHCLIFF TO KICK AROUND ANYMORE."

LAST CALL FOR FLIGHT 86 TO THE BURNING SAHARA DESERT.

AAH!

OH...I'LL MAKE IT. JUST HANG ON.

Cat with French accent: WELCOME, LOWLY RECRUITS.

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE OF A NOW-LEGENDARY LEGIONNAIRE.

THERE WAS ONCE A POOR, MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A CAT--

LIKE YOURSELVES--

WHO THOUGHT HE COULD ESCAPE LIFE'S TRIALS BY COMING HERE.

HE WAS ARROGANT, LAZY, AND STRONG-WILLED.

THAT'S MY KIND OF CAT.

Commandant: SO HE RAN AWAY FROM HIS SHADOW-LIFE

TO BECOME A LEGIONNAIRE HERO

AND FIGHT THE DESERT RAT HORDES.

BUT WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A HERO IS SWEAT,

HARD WORK...

ALMOST FREE.

AND ABSOLUTE OBEDIENCE.

THAT MISERABLE YOUNG CAT...WAS ME.

AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU...

IF THE SUN DOESN'T GET YOU,

THE DESERT WILL.

Commandant: AND IF THE DESERT DOESN'T GET YOU,

IWILL!

OHHH...

AAH!

YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE A CAT FEEL WELCOME.

GET INTO YOUR UNIFORM AND REPORT FOR DUTY!

AAH!

LATER, CLYDE.

WHERE CAN I GRAB A CATNAP?

YEOOOW!

I THINK THE COMMANDANT LIKES YOU.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?

BECAUSE YOUR UNIFORM HAS SLEEVES.

ATTENTION! LINE UP FOR EXERCISE!

WHAT? AND WRINKLE MY NEW UNIFORM?

LET ME TALK TO THE BOSS.

AS YOU'VE PROBABLY GUESSED, HEIS THE BOSS.

PITY. IT'S NOT COOKED RIGHT YET.

IF I NEVER SEE ANOTHER POTATO AGAIN, IT'LL BE TOO SOON.

HUH?HUH?

YEOW!

AND I CAME HERE

JUST TO FIGHT DESERT RAT HORDES.

THE DESERT RAT HORDES CAN WAIT.

AND AFTER YOU'RE THROUGH HERE,

I'VE GOT SOME WORK FOR YOU IN MY CACTUS GARDEN.

I THINK HE--AIE!-- LIKES YOU--OUCH!

WHAT DO YOU--AAH!-- MEAN?

YOUR SHOVEL HAS A--AIEE!--HANDLE.

Legionnaire: I STILL SAY HE LIKES YOU.

Heathcliff: YEAH, YEAH.

SOON THEY'LL BE CALLING ME THE COMMANDANT'S PET.

VOILA! BRAVO! HA HA HA!

THAT'S IT. I'VE HAD IT.

I'M A CAT, NOT A MOLE.

UH-OH.

YEOW! ON THE OTHER HAND,

I NEVER TIRE OF GARDENING.

I'M NOT SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT IN THIS DUMP.

I GUESS I TOLD HIM.

UGH!

Commandant: A LETTER FROM HOME

FOR OUR BRAVE LEGIONNAIRE.

HA HA HA!

Iggy: "DEAR HEATHCLIFF, WE ALL MISS YOU.

"YOU REMEMBER OUR MILKMAN?

"SINCE YOU LEFT, HE HASN'T BEEN GETTING MUCH EXERCISE.

HEATHCLIFF! COME AND GET IT!

AW...

YEOW!

OOH! OOH!

"SPIKE HAS BECOME A TERRIBLE BULLY.

YIIII!

"MARCY HAS NO ONE TO PUSH AROUND IN HER BUGGY.

"SONJA STILL THINKS OF YOU,

BUT KNUCKLES IS HERE, AND YOU AREN'T."

I'VE GOT TO GET BACK.

I'VE HAD IT!

WRONG CLAW.

FREE AT LAST!

YOU'VE BROUGHT DISGRACE TO THE LEGION!

YOU'LL GET STRICT PUNISHMENT.

I'LLGIVE YOU SOME PUNISHMENT.

DO YOU HAVE A LAST REQUEST

BEFORE YOU FACE THE POTATO LOB SQUAD?

YEAH. DON'T SCOOP.

YOU HAVE BUT ONE ALTERNATIVE.

NOW WHAT? A CACTUS OVERCOAT?

SHORT-SHEETING MY CELL?

YOU MUST SINGLE-HANDEDLY BATTLE

THE DESERT RAT HORDE.

YOU ARE NOW READY TO PROVE YOURSELF

AS A PROUD LEGIONNAIRE.

SURE YOU CAN'T SPARE 50 OR 60 LEGIONNAIRES?

LOOK AT THOSE RATS. THEY'RE AS BIG AS SPIKE--

AND JUST AS DUMB.

SO WHAT AM I WORRIED ABOUT?

OLE!

AT THIS RATE, IT'S GOING TO TAKE ALL DAY.

HUH?HUH?HUH?

HE WAS A BRAVE LEGIONNAIRE KITTY CAT--

BAD POTATO MASHER, TERRIBLE GARDENER--

BUT A BRAVE LEGIONNAIRE.

AND NOW, INTO THE NIGHT--

OR DAY... OR WHATEVER.

ALORS,HE IS GONE.

BUT HIS LEGEND WILL LIVE ON!

WELCOME, LOWLY RECRUITS.

LET ME TELL YOU A TALE OF A NOW-LEGENDARY LEGIONNAIRE NAMED...

HEATHCLIFF.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

OH, LEROY?

YOU CAN WAKE UP NOW.

WE'RE ALL INSIDE.

WHAT THE--

AUGH!

OLE! OLE!OLE!

OOF!

Cats: OLE!

OLE!

OLE!

OLE!

BOO!

YIKE!

Cats: OLE!