Rick and Morty

Hurry up, Morty.

Grandpa's about to un-freeze time.

You really should be cleaning from top to bottom.

I know how to vacuum mom and dad, Summer.

I've been doing it for six months.

Then you've been doing it wrong for six months.

Oh, my god, is that mildew?

It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day.

You have dropped so many balls, man.

Do you ever get scared Grandpa Rick

might make me his new sidekick?

What?! What kind of monster are you?

A competent one.

Who cares about the things you guys are

talking about?

the whole point of freezing time was to

stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad,

and let's get this dumb universe rolling.

Let's do this thing.

All right, listen, you two.

We froze time for a pretty long time,

so when I un-freeze it,

the world's time is gonna be fine,

but our time's gonna need a little time

to, you know, stabilize.

Our time is gonna be unstable?

What does that even mean?

It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty.

Uh, I thought you learned that by now.

It also means don't touch your parents,

or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.

-Wait a minute, what? -And away we go!

Um... did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?

-Shhh. -Shush, Morty.

...a thing or two about... Wait, what?

Was the house... When we pulled up,

I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.

Negative visualization, Jerry.

Explains a lot about where you're at.

-Hi, sweetie. -Hi, dad.

Summer, Morty, are you okay?

We... we just missed you a lot.

Yeah, we missed you so much.

Too much to hug you, though.

Yeah, it would literally destroy them.

Now, listen, why don't... Why don't... wh-why don't...

Why don't you guys go get a free Sunday ice cream?

Get out there and get some ice creams.

Here's $500 cash in unmarked monies.

I'm just gonna put it on the floor

and kick it on over to ya.

-You guys go nuts. -This better not be a bribe.

If I find a single thing out of place in this house,

my love of ice cream won't save you.

I'll get my jacket.

Sweetie, is your shirt on backwards?

Yeah. I like it this way.

I'm not stupid.

-Phew! -Oh.

Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt

of pretending he knows what's going on.

-Oh, you agree, huh? -It's funny.

You like that Redgren Grumbholdt reference?

Yeah.

Well, guess what? I made him up.

You really are your father's children.

Think for yourselves. Don't be sheep.

God, I feel terrible.

Yep, it really makes you appreciate

how fickle the Universe can be.

One minute you're falling off a roof for six months,

the next minute, bam!

Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job

to put the mattress under...

Uh, what? It was your job, Morty.

-Nuh-uh! -Yuh-huh!

Actually, sorry, Summer.

I got to back the "M" bomb on this one.

I remember the conversation.

We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies.

Your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.

Boom! In your face, Summer!

You really dropped the ball, man.

Shut up, Morty, you vindictive little turd!

You shut up, you big female asshole!

Hey, don't shove me!

-I didn't! -You didn't what?

-What's your problem? -What's yours?

-Shut up! -You shut up!

Wh-whoa, whoa!

What the hell, hell, hell, hell, hell?

Oh, god. Oh, no. What did you guys just do?

-What did who do? -What do you mean?

Wait, what am I saying? - Were either

of you guys uncertain about anything just now?

Oh, man, I don't feel good.

-Am I me? -Am I talking right now?

-I think so. -Wait, who said that?

All right, both of you just don't move.

Don't speak, don't think. I have to check something.

-What'd you do, Morty? -I'm gonna help grandpa.

I'll see if he needs help.

What do you mean you're gonna help him?

I can help, too.

-What's happening, Grandpa? -What's going on, Rick?

Sh-sh-shut up.

Oh, crap, are you kidding me? Two dots?

This never needs to be more than one dot.

The two of you made us uncertain!

-What are you talking about? -What's that mean?

-English, please. -English?

Our time is fractured... You two somehow created

a feedback look of uncertainty that split our reality

into two equally possible impossibilities.

W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining

a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker.

We're entirely hypothetical.

But I thought there were infinite time lines?

We're not on any time line, dummy.

Look.

Oh, my god!

Are those cats?

I assume they're Schrodinger's cats.

Or, actually, I assume

they both are and aren't, just like us.

-Is the world gone? -Is the world gone?

-Where are mom and dad? -What about mom and dad?

Mom and dad? Get your head out of your family's ass.

The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion.

Your parents get to exist.

They're probably living it up in some pointless,

grounded story about their shitty marriage.

Cold stone creamery is the best.

What should we do with our remaining $20?

You realize they sing no matter how much you tip?

-Whoa! -Aaah!

Holy shit.

-What happened? -I hit a deer.

We... we have to tell the cops you were driving.

-What? -This is rum raisin!

It's still alive.

Well, do we... do I, uh, get, uh, a big rock, or...?

It's not an armadillo, asshole.

I thought that's what a man's supposed to say.

It's not like I could've actually done it.

If we were near a hospital, I could treat it,

but I... I think we have to just...

It's okay. This is just something that happens.

And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do?

You're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.

So...?

Well, don't different animals...

require different levels of skill to keep alive?

- Oh, god. Get the deer in the car, Jerry.

Yes, Beth.

This is why you don't freeze time, you guys.

It's incredibly irresponsible.

And you did it so we could clean the house after a party?

Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty.

Like, literally no time. Look around.

Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable.

Eventually, everything either is or isn't.

And we've got about four hours to be "ls."

-Or...? -We isn't.

All right, since this time crystal exists in both

possibilities,

and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this,

I'm probably about to press this button

in both possibilities at exactly the same time.

-How do you know... -How do you know that...

Whatever you're asking me, the answer is I'm amazing.

And away we go.

Huh, what do you know. It's working.

-Ow, ow, ow! -Oh shit.

What the hell is wrong with you two?

I-I-I-I mean you four!

That hurt! That was painful.

Good, I'm glad it was painful. You deserve it.

I saw you. Y-you're both all over the damn place.

We've been split for 20 minutes and your lives

are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind?

What the hell do either of you two

have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream?

Which chair to sit in while I do everything?

Come on, spit it out!

Well, you don't exactly make it easy, Rick.

You make fun of me all the time...

You're always picking on me... ...and now Summer's doing it.

...and now you got Summer to kiss your ass.

Me?! What about you?

You're just as mean to me because you're jealous...

could you get more excited to see me fail?

Because you want grandpa all to yourself!

All right, all right, cool it. I see what's happening here.

You're both young, you're both unsure

about your place in the universe,

and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite.

I can fix this. Morty, sit here.

Summer, you sit here. Now, listen.

I know the two of you are very different