Noah's Arc: Jumping the Broom

I'll need those in taupe.

Taupe, t-a-u-p-e, taupe.

Good, now for the shirt-fronts

I'm seeing cerulean or maybe...

cerulean?

You don't know what cerulean is?

I can't believe you work at a fabric store

and don't even know your colors.

Get a new job!

Yeah.

Can you believe Ricky brought one of my students as his date?

Be fair.

He didn't know Brandon was your student

when he hooked up on man whores dot...

Wherever he picks his tricks up these days.

Attention, passengers.

The ferry will be docking in five minutes.

Welcome to Martha's vineyard.

Noah...wake up, baby.

We're here.

Come on, I want to show you something.

This is my favorite part of coming here.

Oh. It's all so beautiful.

Only the best for my boo.

Oh.

King of my world.

Isn't it beautiful, guys?

Ricky, you scratch my Louis, it's gonna be me and you.

Yes, massa.

Bitch could help us tote his bags.

I bet Trey's glad he didn't come.

Now, Trey... that's Alex's husband, right?

Yes, he had to stay home with their new baby.

Thank God.

The last thing we need on this trip is a screaming infant.

You seem to have that covered quite nicely.

Oh, wow.

This is amazing, Wade.

Did you see that ocean view?

Ooh, this house is fierce.

So this is where the wedding is, right?

Wade and Joey?

It's Wade and Noah, Randy.

N-o-a-h.

It's Brandon, Ricky.

B-r-a-n-d-o-n.

Welcome to Robinson house.

Bedrooms are upstairs.

Name cards are on the door.

In the words of Dynasty's Dominique Devereaux,

I don't sleep in my clothes

nor do I sleep with them.

I'm-a need two suites.

You guys unpack.

I'm-a show Noah something in the back.

Hey.

Child, it ain't gonna work.

Not a snowball's chance.

I give 'em two months.

I don't see it.

So how come you guys think the marriage won't work?

I don't believe in marriage.

Monogamy for men is a contradiction in terms.

But Wade and Noah have a unique set of problems.

The problem is the accident.

That's what brought them together.

They're both on the rebound.

Wade was in a car accident?

Noah nursed him back to health.

Oh, that's so romantic.

Except what led to the crash was a fight

between Wade and his boyfriend

after he caught Wade and Noah getting busy.

Whoo! Sounds like a soap opera.

Which is exactly why it won't work.

Life is not a soap opera.

But everything in life rebounds off something.

But that kind of heightened emotional drama isn't real.

I mean, once it blows over, what have you got left?

Two people with nothing in common

who don't even particularly like each other.

So shouldn't you tell Noah?

What's the point, Trey?

Noah's all in Wade's nose.

He ain't trying to hear that.

Love is just blind.

What are you wearing?

This wedding needs to be ran

with a little military precision.

I'm channeling...

Who, the village people?

You ain't cute.

So are we gonna use all these in one weekend?

Only if the local dudes are total trolls.

Aw, did I hurt the baby's feelings?

Let's see what we can do about that.

There he is!

Hi, O.J.

How's my little Zulu warrior?

Alex, for the hundredth time, it's Ojemodupe.

Whatever. Os.Jr. For short.

Oh, before I forget,

the local supplier is being a total bitch, so look.

I'm gonna need you to go to FedEx and send me

a whole bunch of stuff for the wedding.

No, Alex. I have to be at the clinic in an hour.

Boy, you can do that on your way.

Now get a pen and paper, 'cause there's no room for mistakes.

You can spell cerulean, right?

Wow!

I've really missed this place.

We used to come here every summer when I was a kid.

Spring breaks, Christmases.

This boathouse was my sanctuary.

But...

Where are the boats?

Down below. Oh.

It was really cool of your folks to let us use this,

especially in light of their views on gay marriage.

My grandfather left this house to all of us.

I can use it whenever I want.

And when my parents pass on, it'll be mine.

And...after we're married,

it'll be yours too.

That's her fifth call in an hour.

Must be really important.

Take it.

Hi, Brandy.

How's my favorite screenwriter?

I'm great, Brandy. What's up?

I emailed you some script notes.

Did you get 'em?

I'll need the new draft first thing Monday.

Not yet... I haven't checked my email.

But, um...

Wade and I are getting married this weekend, so...

married?

In Massachusetts.

Martha's vineyard, actually.

Noah, listen to me.

This film is one of Paramount's tent-pole releases

for next year.

What will I tell the head of the studio?

That you couldn't do your job because you're too busy

engaging in symbolic rituals with your boyfriend?

And when he asks, why didn't I know about this earlier,

I'll say, "I guess I must have offended him

because I wasn't even invited!"

It's just a couple of close friends, but...

oh, I'm not a close friend?!

Of course we'd love to have you.

I'll text you the info.

She won't come.

She won't.

Nah, it's too last minute.

But good luck this weekend.

I'll expect the new draft in my mailbox

first thing Monday morning.

Brandy, you're not hearing me.

Ciao!

Dear God, what now?

Alex!

Chang-a-Lang-a-Lang!

Now that I have your attention,

it's time to announce the commencement

of operation perfect wedding weekend.

I have the whole weekend

broken down into one-hour segments.

Can we have a little bit of time to enjoy just being here?

Then we could do all the wedding stuff you want.

If you want this wedding to fall behind schedule