Where’s Poppa?

Hello, goodness. Get yourself a package of Dorman's Endigo,

the cheese with the paper between the slices.

Bad news for those planning to play golf this weekend.

Yes, I'm afraid that is right. You may get rained out.

37 degrees, the temperature right now, under cloudy skies.

The wind is north at five miles. The sun rose at 6:02.

- The sun will set tonight at 6:07. - There are two stories that tie in

with what we were talking about earlier this morning

in which we noted that this is St. Joseph's Day

and the swallows are coming back to Capistrano.

I thought it was the buzzards going back to Hinckley, Ohio.

No, that took place on Sunday and then the swans came to Traverse City, Michigan.

Here are two stories, one from Carlisle, En gland,

where officials of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

say that today they finally learned why a group of seagulls

were walking about with what is described as a wobble

and could not fly.

- They've got wobbling seagulls in England? - Yes. A spokesman for the society said

the gulls were drunk on the waste thrown out onto the street

by an amateur winemaker.

Couple of times a day, we have the pleasure of presenting

Carol Wrighter for your entertainment.

If you were born between July 22nd and August 21st,

your astrological sign is Leo.

- And here is your forecast for today. - All right, all you Leos out there,

please and delight one of your own clan who has the blues

or is not sure how to tackle a worry facing them.

Present arrangements can be improved to have more comfort at home.

Think how to handle a ticklish situation so that everyone will be satisfied.

And if you're born under the sign of Virgo,

get into a serious huddle with your usual allies.

You are listening to Rambling with Gambling

here at WOR Radio in New York.

We have Marian...

Get out of here!

Gordon,

you shouldn't do that.

Always trying to cheer me up.

It's time to get up.

You almost scared me to death.

"Almost" doesn't count.

Gordon, get me my slippers.

Oh, my...

You're such a silly boy,

always teasing your momma.

Where's Poppa?

Still dead.

Don't talk fresh. Where is he?

Come on, will you? You want me to help you or not? I'm late.

You're a good boy, Gordon.

What happened to that lady with the white shoes?

She always dressed me nice.

She quit.

She was a good dresser, but she never let me wear her white shoes.

- That's why I hid them in the toidy. - That's why she quit.

I fell down, Gordon.

What the hell is that?

Gordon.

Yes.

I gotta get my roots touched up.

What happened to that lady touched up my roots so good?

She used to pinch me.

She didn't pinch you. You pinched her.

Yeah, that's right. I liked to pinch her.

That's why she quit.

This is a blue dress.

I wanna wear my red dress today.

Why?

This one is Poppa's favorite.

Yeah. You know, it shows off my figure.

Yeah.

It's so beautiful!

This isn't my red dress.

It is so.

Yeah?

It's so big on me.

All your clothes are too big for you. You're shrinking.

You're getting smaller every day.

You say, when you left the apartment this morning,

your mother was all right.

That's right, Officer. She was fine.

- She was gone when you got back? - That's right. Disappeared.

People just don't disappear.

- What do you suppose happened to her? - I think the dog ate her.

- Don't give me any of that bullshit. - No, I'm serious.

When I got home today, I found the dog in the kitchen,

there was a red dress hanging out the corner of his mouth.

And what does that prove?

My mother was wearing that dress when I left this morning.

Is that the alleged dog?

Yep. It's just the way I found him.

How the hell can a dog eat an old lady?

You see, Officer, she'd been shrinking a lot lately,

and she really wasn't much bigger than a rabbit.

Just about one good bite for the dog.

Okay. I'll have to take him downtown and book him.

Whatever you say, Officer.

You have the right to remain silent and refuse to answer any questions.

Do you understand?

Gordon!

I'm hungry!

Mom.

To keep you company, how would you like a nice, big dog?

I don't like dogs.

I like canaries.

- Bert! Come here, Bert. - Where are you, Ernie?

- I'm right here in my bathtub. - I see. Okay, Ernie. What is it now?

What is it now? I am here in my tubby, Bert.

That means I'm going to wash myself.

Gordon!

- You forgot my breakfast. - I'm going to wash myself, and while I do,

you're going to pretend you are washing yourself.

- I am? - Of course you are.

That's what all the boys and girls listening are going to do.

- Are you ready, Bert? - Look, no, Ernie, I don't...

Good! And are all you kids ready? Good.

Okay. Everybody wash!

Everybody wash your hands!

Everybody wash your face.

Gordon.

You know I like it cut six pieces.

Everybody wash your tummy.

- Okay, Bert, you take the next one. - My turn? Yep, you do it.

Everybody wash your heels.

- Your heels, Bert? - Yeah, it is fun.

Okay.

Everybody wash your kneecaps.

- Your kneecap, Bert? - Your kneecaps, both of them.

Okay.

Here we go. Everybody wash your thumbs.

- We did that when we did the hands, Bert. - No.

Okay.

Everybody wash your, here it comes, big toe.

- That's a good one, Bert. - I like that.

Now, everybody wash your everything.

Such a nice boy.

Thursday? That's my day off. And Sunday, I never work Sunday.

Can you start on Friday?

I'll think about it.

When can you let me know? I can't leave my mother without a nurse.

I said I'll think about it.

Good day.

Miss Morgiani.

What is it?

- Is there anyone else out there? - Yes. I was about to send her in.

Would you step in, please?

Please sit down.

My name is Mr. Hocheiser.

Not a chance. I'm not going back there.

Back where?

- To that crazy mother of yours. - She's no trouble now.

- Is she dead? - No.

Then forget it.

Do you require references?

For what?

For the job. The ad didn't say.

I can get references, but I don't think they'll be very good.

You don't need references.

I don't?

They usually require references.

I don't require references.

I don't require anything.

- When can you start? - Right away. The sooner the better.

It's an easy job. You'll love it.

I hope so.

I don't have much experience.

It doesn't matter.

In fact, I'm afraid I'm not very good. Most of my patients have died.

That's okay. I don't mind.

You don't?

You mean you want me?

Yes!

What's the matter?

Please forgive me.

This is the first nice thing that's happened to me

since my marriage.

You're married?

Divorced.

How long were you married?

Thirty-two hours.

- What? - Thirty-two hours.

That's not very long.

It was an eternity!

His name was Leonard Callan,

and I thought he was the most wonderful man in the world.

He was a stockbroker.

He was sensitive,

sweet, and very kind.

When we talked about sex, he was as shy as I was.

We were both virgins.

You were?

And when he asked me to marry him, I accepted.

We flew to London for our honeymoon.

Leonard was so sweet.

We drank champagne

and we talked,

and he didn't try to rush me at all.

And then when we were all relaxed,

we got undressed

and he carried me to bed.