Northern Exposure

Maurice?

Hello, Maurice.

- I'm up here, Maurice. - Ed?

Up here. Where?

Morning, Maurice.

What the hell are you doing up there?

- I don't know. - You don't know?

I've been trying to reconstruct events,

and I remember I flossed my teeth,

then I went in the bedroom, put out the lights

Ed.

Why don't you come down from there before you break your neck?

Okay, Maurice.

- Well? - I need a ladder, Maurice.

Okay. Marilyn, can you write this down, please?

Our patient's history of chronic suprascapular discomfort...

indicates arthralgia-

that with, neuromuscular dysfunction.

How's that? It's arthritis.

Is it hot in here? No.

Last week I was diggin' up this cesspool,

and afterwards my shoulder hurt like gangbusters.

I could have sworn I'd torn a muscle.

The absence of ecchymosis clearly overrules that.

Oh. Are you sure it's not hot?

You have any problem with salicylates? What?

Aspirin. Don't think so.

Okay, I'm prescribing two tablets, Q. I. D.

Four times a day. Okay.

Thanks, Doc. Yeah.

Man. Oddest sensation running up and down the bridge of my nose.

Feels like something's stuck up there, like,

Pins? Yeah.

Yeah, like pins.

- What? - It's probably nothing.

What do you mean, it's probably nothing? Of course it's probably nothing.

Here's the mail.

Why don't you check the radiator? It feels like the heat's on in here.

Hey, everybody, a little reminder to those intending...

on signing up for the fall session of the Cicely...

continuing ed program- the deadline's this Friday.

Let's see what's new this quarter.

Lou Volpe will be teaching a course on practical rural law.

Topics include, "Road Kill: Whose Moose Is It?"

And the always controversial "Right Of Way: Snogo Versus Dogsled. "

Hey, Ed. Come on in.

If you're hot for bonsai tree sculpting, you'd better get those applications in tout de suite.

Class is filling up fast, and there's only a dozen dwarf cypresses to go around.

I'm sharpening my pruning shears.

What's going on, Ed? Chris, I need to ask you something.

Have you ever woken up somewhere,

then you didn't know how you got there?

Oh, only about...

- a couple hundred times. - Really?

Yeah, man. Goes back to the days of heady adolescence.

You know, I'd wash down my yellow jackets with some sweet bourbon.

Sometimes I wouldn't even remember my name.

Jane Fonda in The Morning After. Right.

I don't drink, Chris.

I got you.

I got a cousin in the joint- the blond Mike-

He got bopped over the head with the business end of a pipe wrench.

From that day on, every morning he wakes up in a steel bunk, right?

Mystified on how he got there.

Yeah. I haven't hurt my head either.

All right. We're making this harder than it is.

It's probably very simple.

Why do people usually forget things in the first place?

I don't know, Chris.

'Cause they don't want to remember.

Alimony checks, multiple murders, car crashes - Trauma, right?

I mean the mind sloughs off all this nasty baggage.

It happens all the time.

Oh. But I wouldn't go crazy trying to figure it out.

I mean, these kind of things- They come back to us.

Like, for instance, in a couple of days, maybe a week,

if an angry hillbilly named Otis puts a shotgun in your back...

and says, " You gonna marry my daughter, boy,"

I guarantee it's all gonna come rushing back to you, Eddie.

Well, that's great.

- Well, thank you, Chris. - No problem.

* Hey there Can I get you something to drink *

* Coffee, beer or just water from the sink *

Coffee.

* I'll be back in a flash *

* The special today is salmon-egg hash **

Shelly, your prenatal supplements just came in. I put 'em in the kitchen.

- Okay, H. - Order up.

What's the matter with her? What do you mean?

She's singing everything. Oh.

You're from out of town? Yeah. Baltimore.

Shelly's been that way for months.

She woke up one morning chirping like a meadowlark,

and she hasn't stopped since.

Nice, isn't it?

Something wrong with the chowder, Joel?

Oh, no, Holling. It's not the chowder.

I just... don't feel very well. I seem to have no appetite.

Well, that's too bad.

Say, Dave just whipped up some scampi.

That ought to set you up right. Scampi? Shrimp?

Big Gulf prawns, fresh flown in yesterday.

Please, the last thing I want to think about is shrimp right now.

Is that so?

Let me get this straight. You're saying the thought of shrimp is distasteful?

Will you stop? I'm gonna vomit right here on your bar.

Joel-The bridge of your nose-

Does it feel like it has pins in it?

Well, I don't know if I'd call it exactly pins.

Why? Your groin? A little tender?

Well- Glacier dropsy.

What? Tundra fever.

Yukon ague. What are you talking about?

That's what you've got. It's an illness peculiar to this part of Alaska.

- Everybody gets it sooner or later. - " Glacier dropsy. "

I'm afraid it's something that has no cure.

You just have to ride out the fever.

Luckily, once you have it, you'll never get it again.

Forgive me, Ruth-Anne, Holling, my esteemed colleagues,

but I am a specialist in internal medicine, okay?

I did a double rotation in infectious diseases.

I read every bit of literature, and there is-

there is no such pathologic entity as glacier dropsy.

Beg to differ with you, Joel. I've had it myself.

I cramped up so bad I put a shotgun in my mouth.

Luckily I was too weak to pull the trigger.

There's only one thing that hurts worse, and that's childbirth.

Guys, look, I have the beginnings of the flu, okay?

Influenza-with maybe a superimposed sinus infection- but believe me, that's all.

Go to bed and put your feet up before your knees begin swelling.

I'll whip up a birch-leaf plaster.

"Birch-leaf plaster"?

All right...

Go ahead. Why don't you touch your left index finger to your nose.

And your right.

Excuse me. I'm just incredibly thirsty.

Glacier dropsy'll do that to you.

There's no such thing as glacier dropsy.

Hey. Remember, I got bit by a tick?

Two weeks ago? I told you? Yeah. I don't know why I didn't think of it.

They're known carriers of Coxiella burnetii.

Oh. Not to worry.

A very mild rickettsia which responds immediately to tetracycline.

Which reminds me-

I don't know, Ed. I mean, your reflexes are good.

Your cerebellar functions, cranial nerves-

Do you mind if I sit down? Oh, no. Go right ahead.

Ed, I can't find any anatomic problems.

Sleepwalking is,

It's very rare in adults,

and it's almost always associated with a significant psychopathology.

What about if it's sleep flying?

Sleep flying?

Ed, there - There's definitely been times where I've been worried about your hold on reality.

I mean, that business with your alleged spirit guide.

One Who Waits. Right.

See, sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand,

just goes to the store for a quart of milk.

What? Did I just say that?

I'm sorry. What I mean is-

What I think I advise, is,

What-What am I saying?

You were saying what you'd advise.

Right. Right.

Oh, my God. What I advise is...

a psychiatric evaluation.

If that's okay,

I'd be happy to set it up.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go teach a C. P. R. class in Sleetmute.

Well, see you later, Dr, Fleischman.

Yeah. Let me know what you decide.

Fleischman?

Hey. Fleischman, why aren't you in bed?

O'Connell, I don't have time for this. I'm really running late.

Fleischman, you're only gonna make yourself sicker. Do you realize that?

Look, I appreciate yours and everybody else's medical advice, okay?

But I'm fine. Everything is under control. Everything is riding on peanuts.

Fleischman, you should be under the covers,

slathered in Vicks, wrapped in plastic laundry bags,

sweating out these toxins. You know, O'Connell, here we are,

the end of the 20th century, with all of the advances in the sciences and the healing arts,

and you people have managed to preserve unspoiled,

your own little corner of the Dark Ages.

I'm worried about you, Fleischman.

Look. This one time your arrogant pigheadedness may really cause you pain.

Look, if you're so concerned about my well-being, let me enlighten you, okay?

I'm suffering from a benign parasitic infection,

and even as we speak, it is being eviscerated by antibiotics, okay?

Appreciate your concern, but I feel better. I do.

You know, that... That sweater looks great on you.

Fleischman?

Fleischman! Fleischman!

You all right, Doc? You okay?

Okay.

You guys, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Watch the threshold here, buddy. Little light-headed. That's all.

Okay. Let's get him straight to bed. I can make some salmonberry tea.

Maybe I misdiagnosed. Maybe it's not Coxiella burnetii.

Whatever it is, it's definitely known to medical science,