Futurama

You people make me sick!

Hi, Bender.

All happy and cozy.

How are you two so perfect for each other?

-Aw, it's not so complicated. -Yeah.

-We're just so different. -We're just so similar.

You think we're similar?

Well, sure. We're like two bats in a belfry.

No, we're not.

We have completely different personalities,

and they complement each other.

-Opposites attract. -Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I'm takin' note of the exact moment I lost interest.

I'm lookin' for somethin' a lot shallower in a relationship.

Let's hit da club!

The Hip Joint? Oh-ho! I haven't been there in ages.

Me neither. We're so similar in that way.

That place sucks burps.

We're going someplace hotter.

- -

- -

-Down, please. -

You know the password?

Uh, no. Let's just leave.

Sorry. You can't leave unless you know the password.

- Haw-haw! -

[electricity zapping, flames whooshing]

- -Oh, it's unbearable!

I didn't say stop.

- -Ow!

Phew.

Good thing those spikes retracted at the last second as far as I know.

- -Ah, welcome, old friends!

What are we drinking tonight?

Oh no, it's the Robot Devil!

Can I get a Flaming Navel?

[liquid pouring, flames whooshing]

That'll be $10. Two straws?

No, we have completely different tastes.

I'll have, uh... the Flaming Navel.

That's the same thing I got.

It is? Then, uh, no umbrella for me.

That'll be 10 more dollars

for the same total amount of liquor!

Welcome to Hell.

Alright! Time to start hittin' on people.

Hey, you there!

-Who, me? -Who, me?

Yeah! You single?

-I'm afraid not. -I'm afraid not.

Ugh... oh.

Hey, isn't that Barbot? The Bronze Bombshell?

- -Oh, mama!

I've always wanted to put the moves

on a world-famous whatever she does, if anything.

Don't wait up!

Can I help you?

Yeah, uh, I'm here to hit on Miss Barbot.

Miss Barbot is a professional celebrity.

She doesn't see just anyone.

Oh, she'll see me.

I doubt it.

Hey, baby. Is it hot in Hell... or is it just you?

Is somebody talking words?

I, I thought I heard, like, a word noise.

Many ladies say my noises are loud, but deadly.

It sounds like a squ-wirrel or something.

Someone throw it a hot wing.

Man! It's like she can't even see me.

I can't see you.

- -My neck joint doesn't tilt down that far.

Hey, wait a second.

Am I... short?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, wait.

Short? Yes.

I thought you said smart.

I thought I was one of the tallest guys in the world,

and now it turns out I'm short?!

- -

Oh, lordy-loo. If you want to be taller,

why not just use your extendo-legs?

Don't you think I've thought of that?!

-Yes. -Well, I didn't!

But I can only do it for a few seconds

before my stabilizers give out.

Whoa, whoa!

- -

I'm pathetic.

I'll understand if you've lost all fear of me.

Aw, nonsense, robot.

You make up for your small size with a big personality.

-You sure do. -That's right.

-Really? -No.

-You were actually correct for once. -

Statistically, short men earn 12% less

and are 23% less respected.

Cork it, stumpy! I'm docking your pay.

Husband! You forgot somethin'!

My manwich! Thank you, dear.

You probably couldn't see it up on that not-very-high shelf.

Aw, see that, Bender?

LaBarbara's way taller than Hermes,

but it doesn't get in the way of a happy marriage.

That's my job.

And look, Bender,

-Leela and I are exactly the same height. -Completely different heights.

You think we're the same height?

-I think whatever you think. -I don't think you do.

Who cares? We're talkin' about me, and I hate being short!

I have had it up to...

...here!

Well, schmuckily, there's an easy way to deal with this.

You just need to dress tall, like Scruffy.

Vertical stripes. Mm-hmm.

Dang! That's the tallest short guy I've ever seen.

-Ladies. -Hello, handsome.

- -

Goodbye, Bender.

- -

Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!

Bubblegum, can I ask you somethin'?

Sure, Bender.

You know my good friend, Wembanyumyum?

It's Wembanyama.

-Wembanyoyo? -Eh.

Nice to meet you down there.

What's on your mind?

Well, I've recently always wished I was tall.

What's it like?

Bender, the true measure of a man

is not his physical stature.

Not when you're short, it ain't.

Being tall does have some downsides.

I mean, sometimes women are into you just for your height.

Really?

And people just assume you're great at basketball.

Even if you are!

Life up here is legit rough, my friend, but it's cool.

-Damn cool. -And not that rough.

The point is, you need to be happy with who you are.

Which can be difficult for short guys.

But, hey, keep trying.

Thank you.

I knew I could count on basketball players.

I understand now that I need to love myself

for who I am.

Or...

So what do ya say?

You make me taller in return for my... immortal soul?

Come on, Bender.

You've sold me your soul six or seven times already!

I'm swimming in soul IOUs over here!

Oops, I forgot my IOUs. Will you accept an IOIOU?

Forget it. I'm through torturing souls anyway.

I've moved into a new, much more evil business.

Have you heard of... health insurance?

Sure. It's a basic right of everyone in our society,

except humans.

I simply have one of my in-network physicians

peddle you a prescription...

...and voila!

Robot growth pills to treat your chronically normal height.

Neat. And is there a catch, O' King of Lies?

Your copay is three cents,

but I'll bill your insurance $27,000!

- -

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are these steroids?

Don't be absurd. Steroids can't affect gears and circuits.

I feel stupid for askin'.

These are D-roids, digital steroids.

Don't take D-roids if you're allergic to D-roids.

- -Side effects include

dry, rusty eyes, droid rage,

antenna shrinkage, loose or watery bricks,

-athlete's ass... -

...various deliciously ironic consequences,