1600 Penn

Skip, what are you doing?

Oh, just collecting roses for my lady.

Your lady?

Remember Stacey Kim from the mailroom?

Well, I asked her out, and she said yes.

Isn't Stacey the one

that ran away when you asked her

to be your girlfriend in a room full of senators?

I was hoping you'd forget about that, but yes.

She also said she's gonna give me

one more chance.

However, if you heard the way in which she said it,

you'd realize I really do have to make this

the most romantic night ever.

And you know how to do that?

Rose petals wherever she goes.

Getting in the car, rose petals.

At the dinner table, rose petals.

Go to the bathroom, "what's that, Stacey?

What's that all over the seat?"

Those are rose petals.

It's gonna be pretty classy.

I don't want to tell you how to do your job,

but if he's got a blade

in his hands, you're doing it wrong.

We better get this version

of the bill to congress,

so they can get a head start on not reading it.

My point is they don't do anything.

Are you sure you want to go down this road?

There are plenty of other things we could do tonight.

It doesn't have to be like this.

So you surrender without a fight?

I'll set it up.

Hey, dad, we just saw

the most amazing exhibit

- at the national gallery. - What'd you see?

Microscopes and Petticoats: Portraits of female scientists

at the dawn of women's suffrage.

Oof, sorry, son. It's okay.

Becca said if we're gonna make this relationship work,

we need to learn about each other's interests.

- Yesterday, we watched Iron Man. - Again.

Oh, and I got this awesome shirt

with this dude on it.

- That's Marie Curie. - Yeah, that's the guy.

Risk?

Last time you played Xander, I seem to recall

someone spent the rest of the night in tears.

It was a big win; I was emotional.

You're in big trouble, dad.

I'm studying game theory.

You can try to counteract my plans,

but I've already counter-counteracted your plans.

If you need me, I'll be in here.

Your mind.

I'm loving the trash talk.

Quick question. If I wanted

to rent a hot air balloon on short notice,

could I drop your name to the balloon company

just to speed up the process?

Skip, you don't need a hot air balloon.

Well, then where am I supposed to sing my song, Emily?

- Your song? - At the end of the night,

just as Stacey's thinking to herself,

"my, God, this has been the best six hours of my life,"

that's when I'm gonna seal the deal

by singing the most romantic song of all time,

"Fever" as performed

by Ella Fitzgerald as performed by Skip Gilchrist.

- Oh, that sounds amazing. - It's a about matching

Ella's balance of toughness and sensuality.

My friend, Dominic, from the D.O.D.

is gonna accompany me on the accordion.

Don't let the name fool you, he's Jewish.

Oh, game time; Have fun, guys.

All right, D.B. and I are gonna go paint a mural for the baby.

Microscopes and Petticoats was just so inspiring.

So no one wants to tap

the brakes on the old Skip-mobile?

It's just a date, Emily.

Some of the worst disasters in my life came in the form of dates.

That's why we skipped the date.

Just leave him alone.

It's just, Skip's such a nice guy.

I know how I was with nice guys when I was Stacey's age,

and I don't want her to make the same mistake with Skip.

Emily, just let one moment

in life go untouched by your influence.

That was supposed to sound playful,

but it came off kind of mean.

No, you're right. I should just

let him make his own mistakes.

It's the only way he'll learn.

Major breakthrough. We're putting

rose petals inside the balloons

so that when they pop, they'll explode love

all over Stacey.

Skip, sweetie, you've got such a big heart.

The doctors say dangerously so.

And I know, sometimes, when you have

a crush on someone, you feel like

you should do all these big,

romantic gestures,

but too much can be a bad thing.

And that's why I think, for tonight,

you have to take all the great things

that make Skip Skip,

and just...

Kind of scale it back a little bit.

- Shouldn't I just be myself? - Totally.

I'm saying be yourself,

just... like, 60% of yourself.

Forty percent.

- Well, here's a question for you. - Uh-huh?

Which part of Skip should I skip?

Tell you what.

Let's-let's just...

Okay, I'm Stacey.

What's the first thing you say when we sit down?

- I love you. - Uh, no.

That's what I'm talking about.

If you say that in the first three seconds of the date,

you are going to freak her out.

Trust me, I've been on a lot of first dates.

- Does dad know? - In the past.

- Oh, of course. - And I've picked up

a few tricks, okay?

I'm not saying you have to change everything.

You can still be nice, just not too nice.

Nice but not too nice.

Play hard to get. Tease her a little bit.

So you're saying I should just insult her?

No. I mean, it'll draw her in a little bit at first,

and she'll think with some work she can change you,

but in the end she'll realize you'll never change,

and her father was right,

and you stole her 20s, Russell Peterson.

What's happening?

Let's regroup.

It's not too late to call this off.

The supreme art of war is to subdue

the enemy without fighting.

Classic sun tzu.

Nice try, dad.

Talk your game theory all you want,

but do you see that?

I got that sword when I became a marine.

I've been playing risk a long time, son,

only in real life.

Ooh, I want a sword.

Focus, Xander; Show no weakness.

That's a sword for a warrior,

not a toy for a little kid.

And so it begins.

Hey.

Can I play?

So, what are we painting?

It's a mural of Marie Curie looking

through a microscope, but what she's looking at

is the history of women's achievements over time.

What?

No, seriously, what are we painting?

I was thinking, like, a sweet truck

with a Teddy bear driving it.

No, seriously.

I figured it all out.

I mapped the entire mural on a grid

using the pantone color system.

All we have to do is fill in the squares.

There are 1,024 squares.

Fun.

All right, let's try this again.

Do not discuss politics

or religion or past relationships.

Keep it light, smile,

show just the right amount of interest,

laugh at her jokes, do not laugh at your jokes.

And go.

Stacey, have you ever had that mole checked?

I know that's not good,

but I'm not sure why. Are moles political?

I think I'm making this more complicated than it really is.

No, it's okay.

I just have to get used to the fact that every instinct

I have is a dirty lie that will ruin everything.

Look, here's a trick that I taught your father

for when he needs to think things through.

If you feel like you're gonna blurt

something out that you shouldn't,

just take a long sip of water

and figure out what you're going to say.

Let's practice.

Spider-man can beat up Batman.

Well, what an interesting opinion you have.

That's it! You did it.

That's your secret weapon.

Oh, good. I just wanted to punch you

in the damn face when you said that.

Great, Skip. Do you think you're ready?