Hard Feelings (Hammerharte Jungs)

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

I think you lost something.

Ha!

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick!

- Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick! -

- Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick! - Setting down, okay? Quiet, please!

Very funny! Wrap it up!

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No...

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

- Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick! -

Charly - No Dick! Charly - No Dick!

Charly - No Dick!

So, Charly, Were you able to find your dick down there?

Constantin!

Okay. Charly, come on. Come. Come on.

I lost my dick.

I mean, my goggles.

Yeah, I'll... I'll just go, uh... yeah.

Dry yourself off, okay?

Constantin!

HARD FEELINGS

God, please!

Why me?

God, this is so embarrassing!

You're really making my life a living hell.

- -

I know.

Honestly, did you guys see him do the breaststroke?

Oh man.

Hey, hey. Consti, Basti.

Helicopter.

Dude, put that away before you poke someone's eye out with it.

- - Fuck.

Hey, big dick, big responsibility. Why are you making that face?

I heard things aren't all happy and breezy between you and the school princess.

Oh, Marlene turned you down, huh?

Actually, Ziggy, I'm the one who turned her down, just so you know.

You know, he's just pissed

because Marlene didn't invite him to her house party.

Hey, Consti, chin up, man.

We've still got the graduation dance coming up.

And if not, life fucks everyone.

- Have I ever told you how smart you are? - I know.

Ah, you two are so gay.

Yeah, it's not our fault you only like pussy.

You're missing out on half the fun.

- Ready to go? - Let's go.

And what can you do, mini drone?

Oh no, my yogurt leaked all over.

Oh man, you've gotta see this.

There he is.

INDOOR SWIMMING POOL

- Hey. -

- Same as always. My yogurt leaked again. -

No, that's not a euphemism, I swear.

Yeah, ha ha.

- - You're just a little bit weird.

Good to see you, best friend.

No one's listening. Why are you doing that?

We've used Pig Latin since we were kids.

- Why ruin a lovely tradition? - Mm.

Yeah, but still, aren't we a little bit too old to talk in Pig Latin?

Ugh, age is just a number.

Did you miss me?

Oh yeah, you have no idea.

- -

Heard about your big solo performance tomorrow.

Don't remind me. It's an absolute nightmare, man.

If you really hate it, just drop out.

My mom thinks my voice has exceptional tone

and the world should have a chance to hear it.

Is that so?

- Maybe you belong in the choir. -

- Charly, you don't have to sing. - I can't break her heart.

Yeah, then I guess you're on your own.

Gee, thanks.

- Sing for me then. - Why don't you sing?

I'm not in the one in the choir. I'm not the one with an exceptional voice.

- Right, exceptional. Ha ha ha. -

- Have you studied for finals yet? - Uh, no.

- Not yet. Why? Have you? - No, not yet.

When it's all done, we should take your car and go.

- Okay, where to? - We'll see.

- Want to come in? - No, my league's waiting.

Oh, and Charly?

From virgin to virgin, with no point of comparison,

- I'm completely sure that your dick is... - Okay. Bye.

I wouldn't look at your phone if you can manage to avoid it.

Bye.

This fridge has five compartments.

The middle compartment cools to between four and five degrees Celsius.

- There's a reason for that. - That's over-the-top. It's a fridge.

Charly? Charly, come here, please.

Mom, Dad, it's been a really long day and...

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Charly, where would you store the yogurt if you had a choice?

- Where it's cold. - Aha.

Aha. We're playing that game, are we?

If that's the case, at least put it on the middle shelf, where it belongs.

Who cares which compartment? It's cold in the whole fridge, right?

I care. Okay?

And why in the world would anybody want to buy that much yogurt anyway?

Because they're on sale and because I happen to like yogurt.

Do you know why they're on sale?

Because they're covered in mold.

All of these yogurts are now expired.

The use-by date is a guideline, Sabine,

because you know what yogurt is usually made out of, don't you?

- Bacteria? - Bacteria.

So if it's a few days old, it's really not a problem.

No problem.

For you, it might not be.

It's me who has to sleep next to you every night while you lie there and shart.

Come on. Now you're just exaggerating.

You want to take my yogurt away too?

You are lactose intolerant, Rudi.

Sabine, take everything else, but leave my yogurt alone!

If your father were still alive, he'd be so proud of you two.

Who takes after Dad more, me or Paula?

Mm, Paula. You take after me more.

Hi, hon. How was school?

The usual. My league is waiting.

How come you kept them waiting so long?

- Is it 'cause of a boy? - None of your business.

Or is it because of a girl?

Ugh, Mom?

Mm.

Don't pressure your sister now, Phoebe.

- Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. - Mom!

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

- Oh God. - Wow. Wow.

- - Wow.

Yes! Good job there, Straight Shooter.

- Oh, Paula? - Yeah?

Check your DMs. I sent you a little surprise.

Although, it's not that little.

- - Oh, ugh!

Why is everything always about sex? Is it just because I'm a girl?

Don't they have mothers and sisters, Charly?

Do they just go, "Mom, would you pass me the salt, please?"

"And while you're at it, what do you think of my dick pic?"

"Did it turn out really well?"

"I just wanted to get your expert opinion, you know, as a woman and all."

It pisses me off!

- Yeah, I totally get it. -

That kind of stuff doesn't happen to guys. I'm sorry, Paula.

Yeah, if my dad was alive, he would've kicked their asses.

Thanks.

You'll be okay right?

No idea. I wish I had a do-over.

But once a video's on the Internet...

Charly - No Dick is here forever.

At least you're with me.

Did you hear that?

What?

Everything's so quiet all of a sudden.

- Oh my God! -

We just got hit by lightning! That was so... What the freak?

- And we survived! -

I saw it right in front of me! Ba-bam! It was a sign.

So freaking lucky we didn't die!

It was just like, "Bam! We're alive!"

Oh, you're hyperventilating. You're okay.

- I'm okay. - You're Okay.

- I'm okay. - You're good. You're good.

- I'm good. - You're okay.

I'm okay.

That was so weird.

Yeah.

Charly. Wake up.

The early bird gets the worm.

And by worm, I mean me, obviously.