Harley Quinn

Three, two, one...

Yay!

Ah, that was successful.

Come on, We can't get into Mr. Freeze's territory

so why not we just let him keep it, all right?

Because he froze my living body

then put me on display for my enemies to mock!

And now you're freezing us!

The cycle of violence is real.

I will not rest until we bury

each and every one of these Injustice League motherfuckers

who stole Gotham from me!

So get meltin'.

What? They're dumping toxic waste into the harbor?

I've gotta stop these assholes.

That happened like two weeks ago. It did?

Yeah. How did I miss that?

Well, it certainly wasn't because you were attending my one man performance

of Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. Ooh.

I went! He's no Vanessa Redgrave.

I had my own take! Fire in the hole!

Whoo!

What the hell kinda ice is this?

The kind you're never gonna see the other side of!

Yeah, nothing burns hot enough...

Oh, except Firefly's flame--

Fred! Oh.

You almost told them about Firefly's flamethrower!

Oh, well, great, Kevin, now you did. You dummy.

Sweet, I'll just kick that guy's ass and take his fire gun.

Yeah. Cool idea.

Did you get it from reading Doctor Trap's diary?

Sorry, wait. Who's Doctor Trap?

Oh, my God! Dude!

He's the guy that looted all the villain's lairs when the city fell.

He's got a whole collection of powerful crap

at the Gotham Natural History Museum

including the aforementioned fire gun.

Oh, right.

Shit! Thanks for all your help!

Text us if you think of anything else!

All right, listen. We get in, grab this flamethrower, and get out.

Then there's this trash fire barbecue place near here

I've been dying to try out!

Sounds muy delish!

But we got a lot of leftover chili to get through.

You guys are making too much chili, okay?

You never wanna go out anymore!

You know, we made a pretty steep investment in our slow cooker,

so we just have to kinda get our money's worth, you know?

Babe, you mention it's mild?

I didn't sleep last night, I was so amped.

I know. Me too, right?

Thanks for the ride, babe. Anytime, babe.

Turns out in a post-apocalyptic world,

kites are pretty crucial.

You know, you don't have to say that every time you drop us off, okay?

I packed you a high-protein snack for a long lasting energy.

For later. Wink.

Did he just say "wink"?

Yeah. It's like an inside joke. Whatever.

Hey, so, I've been meaning to talk to you about something.

And listen, don't take this the wrong way,

but as your BFF, and only F,

I think you can do better than Kite Man.

And what's the right way to take that?

You know, now that you're branching out

from only caring about things with branches,

you gotta get out there, just play the field!

You're the new Poison Ivy!

I mean, you don't have to commit to the first guy who's nice to you.

Uh, your ex-boyfriend tried to kill you several times.

It was an inside joke?

Maybe you just don't know what it's like to be

treated well by someone who truly loves you.

Aw. Now I've got smashin' blue-balls!

Now I can get on with my day.

Wow. This feels like a lot of extra security for free Museum Day.

Come, please, enter the lair of Doctor Trap.

I dare you!

Ooh, I dare.

Sorry. Are you Dr. Trap,

or is that your boss? Actually, it doesn't even matter.

Just tell him that we want no trouble,

and we're just here to grab Firefly's flamethrower,

and then we're gonna be on our way.

The treasure is all yours if you can best my traps.

So, I beg you.

Enter!

Why are you so obsessed with us? Just give us the gun.

Yeah, we actually don't want to get into a whole thing with you.

Hey, is that Penguin's umbrella?

Ooh, I kinda want that.

It's worth more now that I killed him.

Well, that seems like overkill.

You know, I'd love to find a way to do this without being burned alive on a spike.

Uh, yeah, we're gonna have to like, rethink this, Harls.

Hey, Dr. Wheelbarrow,

toss me one of them fresh biscuits!

I am trying to carbo-load here.

Don't hassle me! They're for the hyenas!

Hey, buddy, buddy, bud, open you mouth, Lou.

Come on. One day I'll return the favor.

Really? If you wanted to do an evil collab,

you should've invited me to join the Injustice League!

And given me my own damn slice of this city!

You and me in the same board room?

No wonder those mangey curs are laughing at you.

You listen to me, butt face!

I was a huge supervillain

before my reputation was ruined over some innocent locker room talk!

And now, you're a babysitter.

Are you in a club?

Is there a classic series of books about you?

No! Because you don't have friends

and you don't go on heists!

I love The Baby-Sitters Club.

Claudia is my girl!

I was more of a Mallory fan myself.

I, too, went through an awkward period.

That is it!

Oh, no!

My feeble mind. You...

You've infiltrated it.

Psych!

You can't control my mind.

I'm an A-lister. I'm too smart.

And you're just a weak washed-up goon.

Oh, really? Can a goon give you a makeover with his mind?

How about something to help with your oily skin?

Maybe some little rouge?

Not too much! I mean, you're not an old French whore, are you?

Unless you are, in which case, here's some toilet water!

I love it.

Do you have something for thinning hair?

Ugh, I hate this place.

When I go to lunch, I want a meal not a grouping of sides.

And I want that flamethrower,

not a spike through my head from Dr. Get A Life.

So I called the best burglar in all of Gotham

and this is where they wanted to meet.

Wait. Why'd you say "they?"

It's Catwoman, isn't it? Aren't you excited? Ah!

You're good friends! Reunited! For a heist!

I mean, three badass ladies

takin' down that sackless dweeb Dr. Trap,

then stealin' his priceless artifacts.

Oh, this is gonna be so crazy, sexy, cool!

Just like when you two teamed up for that fun Amazon thingie.

Fun amazon thingie?

You know she screwed me over on that.

That was years ago. People change.

Who even remembers what happened?

Um, she didn't help me take down those loggers,

she ditched me for a blood diamond

leaving me to pay for the entire hotel bill.

And she got a ton of spa treatments.

There was like all kinds of scrubs that I've never even heard of!

Okay, then maybe this'll be like a much needed exercise

in emotional boundaries for ya? Huh?

No, no see, you don't get it.

Selina's like, she's so confident and cool.

And somehow, she just like, draws you in by being aloof.

You know, you just see her, and you're like, "Ah, I want to be like that."

And then, you see her wearing overalls, and you're like,

"Oh, maybe I want overalls."

And then suddenly, you have a closet full of overalls that don't look good on you.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Can we just leave before she gets here?

Oh, hi, hi. Yes.

Nice jacket. What this?

Oh, yeah... I was thinking about donating it actually.

It's just like this style's gotten so trendy, you know?

Cobb salads, all around.

See, she always does this, she orders for everyone.

So controlling.

I got your message about the museum, Harley.

Oh. Uh, yeah, you know, in light of some recent retellings of old stories

I should've paid more attention to, maybe we--

They have an Egyptian ruby

I've been thinking about wanting.

Ah, rubies, that's so classy. Yes.

They're like fun and timeless,

but like way less obvious than a diamond.

So, I'm in.

Wow! Just like that?

Do you really like this jacket or were you just saying that you did?

What do you think?

What do you think? What's happening?

Actually, the truth is

we're just not comfortable working tog--

Ah, this is so awesome!

I mean, I just can't wait to get started.

I mean, you were so right about these Cobb salads,

it's amazing. I mean, I don't eat meat or whatever,

but I can just push them away. And I mean, look at us,

we're like the Cobb squad! You know?

Should we all get matching tattoos? I mean, I'm kidding. Or am I?

I mean, we could do it, right? I know a guy.

Ive, she just stole your favorite jacket.