Isn't It Romantic

(ON TV) Don’t you knock?

(ON TV) Vivian...

I 'm going to be in town until Sunday. I 'd like you to spend the week with me.

Holy shit! (LAUGHS)

Would you send up some champagne and strawberries, please?

Vivian, is that a yes?

Yes. (SPITS)

Yes!

I'll be gone most of the day.

Wake up, Natalie. It'sjust a movie.

Forget about men.

Forget about love.

In real life, girls like us don't get that.

VVhy?

Look in the mirror, darl. We're no Julia Roberts.

We're not?

That woman has got a million-dollar smile.

She's got a gorgeous mane of hair.

Okay, she might not have to bleach her mustache,

but she hasn't even got room for a mustache.

She's got a tiny little space here.

They'll never make a movie about girls like us, and you know why?

VVhy?

Because it would be so sad,

they'd have to sprinkle Prozac on the popcorn

or people would kill themselves.

You see, Natalie, life's not a fairy tale.

There's no happy endings.

There is always gonna be a happy ending.

No, darling.

Someone might marry you for a visa, that's about it.

-(ALARM STOPS) -(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Ow.

Oh, Baxter!

I need those. Hey.

Baxter, (IMITATES GUNSHOT) roll over.

Play dead.

Come here.

Morning kiss for Mommy?

Baxter?

Oh, hi, Donny.

Some girl taped this love note to my door.

"To Big D."

I think it's just one of the many girls that are obsessed with you.

Yeah, yeah. All right. I'll give it to my secretary.

-Thanks. -Oh.

You have a secretary?

Stop the cart!

-What? -Stop it with your body!

-Me? -Do it!

No, I can't!

My cart is valuable!

-I can't! -Stop the cart!

Wow! You're built like a cement truck.

Yeah. Thank you.

That's what all the guys say.

Hey, Nat.

Do me a favor and throw this away for me?

I'm so busy.

Uh, I'm kind of busy too, but, yeah, yeah.

Natalie. The 3D printer is down. Can you call the IT guy?

Donna, you know, technically, you're the office manager, right?

I do.

Tell him it's not even turning on now.

You're the best.

Morning, Whit.

Hey.

Good morning, Boss.

Is he here yet?

No, not yet.

You're gonna kill the Lewis pitch this morning.

Yeah. I don't know

-whether I'm fully ready, but... -(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

I don't know how to...

-Whoa. -Maybe I shouldn't.

Okay, hold that thought. He's here.

That's our new client?

Why is he so beautiful?

He's, like, CW hot.

ljust suddenly got the urge to catcall.

Like, I don't whistle. But ljust wanna...

Guys, please don't objectify the men in this office.

Okay, I won't stand for it.

So, you gonna pitch in there?

I don't know.

No one really cares about the parking garages.

Mmm-mmm. No, no, no, no.

You are not chickening out. It's a good idea.

I don't know. Sometimes when I go into the big meetings,

theyjust cut me off and I don't get my ideas out right,

and everyone just thinks I'm the coffee bitch,

which is unfair 'cause sometimes I bring doughnuts as well.

Maybe I could just email it?

Oh, yeah. You're right. You could just email it.

That's a good idea. You should just sit down,

not go in the big meeting,

not present all your hard work.

'Cause that would be awful, right?

-NATAL|E: Josh! (SCREAMS) -Everyone loving your great work.

Possibly getting a pay raise,

everyone's respect.

Everyone would be like, "Wow, Natalie!

We love your idea!

We're gonna give you all the money in the world!"

Josh, stop being such an idiot!

You're the most formidable architect in this firm!

People are listening!

Natalie.

You gonna join us for our professional meeting?

Yes. Um...

Yes, I am. Sorry.

KiII it, Nat.

Sorry about that. Excuse me.

Oh, thanks, hon.

Oh, no, that's my...

Mmm!

Oh, God damn it!

Who puts whipped cream in a coffee?

Do you mind? I'll just have a normal coffee. Thanks.

I'm not an assistant, sir.

Architect. Yeah.

But I'm also a team player

and I'd be very happy to get you another coffee.

That would be great.

I'll be right back, everyone.

Miss? Yo!

Yo!

You dropped your glasses.

-Here you go. -Thank you.

Oh, I'm cheesing really hard.

-How are you-- -Oh!

-Very sorry. Come on, man.

So, it's not like I thought I was gonna be

the star of the meeting or anything.

Like, I'm not that good.

But even if I see him again, a guy like that, I'm just invisible to.

What do you mean "a guy like that"?

You know, like a nice guy with a nice life.

I'm a nice guy. I see you.

I've got a nice life.

ldo!

I have a hybrid.

Yeah. I know, I know.

No, you know what I mean. Like super-rich.

Like super-successful, super-hunky guy.

I'm just extra-invisible to a guy like that, you know?

Yeah. Got it.

You know, even if he noticed you,

you wouldn't notice him noticing you.

What does that mean?

It means that you're blind to love.

You don't even see it.

-No, I'm not. -Yeah!

I don't need love.

What?

You just busted through that potential new couple back there.

Yeah.

They were about to have a moment.

That spark was there.

And you just lowered your shoulder

and ploughed through 'em like a linebacker.

Stop being an idiot, all right?

Have you been working out a little bit?

I have. Yeah.

-That's quite hard. -Yeah. I got an ab blaster.

Yeah.

Hey, Whitney, can you get me the number...

Whit?

Whit?

Um, can you maybe stop watching full-length feature films in the office

and just, like, do yourjob and assist me?

Yes, okay.

There are only, like, 43 minutes left.

So maybe I'll just stop when it's over, and then do work.

I don't know how it ends. Do they end up together?

This movie ends like all stupid rom-coms do.

The girl gets the guy and then finally that's what makes her happy.

-(IMITATES GUNSHOT) -And what's wrong with that?

Because she should be happy with other things in her life.

Like her great career that she's worked hard for.

It's a romantic comedy. They're the best.

I mean, life can be so sad.

I try to wake up smiling.

Then I turn on the news, and I'm like...

And then I turn on Sweet Home Alabama and I'm like...

I mean, have you seen that movie?

It's literally a masterpiece.

A master piece of shit.

Whitney, all those movies are lies set to terrible pop songs.

I love those songs. And those movies are not lies!

Uh, yes, they are.

People waking up in bed with full hair and makeup?

It's so unrealistic.

Every time someone puts on a pair of pants,

it turns into a whole montage.

Yeah, 'cause trying on clothes is fun!

For you.

Okay, what about how there's always, like, some main chick

and she's super clumsy.

She's always like, "Oh! Whoops!"