A Bullet for Joey

Good morning, young fellow.

Do you know what fools we mortals be, huh? Do you?

I think you do.

Well, don't tell anyone. Let it be our little secret.

- Good morning, Dr. Macklin. - Good morning, Constable.

Ah, you poor little chap. You must be freezing.

I've got a good mind to report you to the SPCA.

A man has to make a living.

Yes, a fat kind of living you'll make out here this early in the morning.

Hey, hold on a minute.

I said, hold on.

All right, all right.

Let's take a look at the hurdy-gurdy.

Sure.

Go right ahead.

Very good.

Very good, indeed.

When he give, his thumb on one side, his finger on the other.

- Should leave good print. - You're right.

It's very well defined.

Vivica!

He wasn't at all aware of being photographed, was he?

He talked to the monkey.

He say, "What fools we mortals be."

And I take his picture.

- It sounds as if he were our man. - I'm sure he is.

Frau Hartman.

Please cable Lisbon. They're sending a shipment by air today.

- He wasn't at all suspicious, was he? - No. Not at all.

But there was a constable. He followed me.

- Oh, he did? - Yes. He ran after me.

But you were the faster runner and you got away.

No. He caught me.

He spotted the camera.

But don't worry.

While he was bending down looking, I...

And he's dead.

You were a long time coming, Inspector.

And I stopped over to break the news to his wife.

- Well, how did she take it? - How do you expect her to take it?

- Find anything? - No, nothing.

Nobody saw anything, nobody heard anything.

- Morning, Paul. - Morning, Inspector.

Look, you're wasting your time.

The Montreal Homicide boys have been over every inch of it.

- Take it easy, Sarge. - How can I? He was my friend.

He was my friend, too.

I'm sorry. I lost my head, Inspector.

Well, find it.

You'll need your head if we're going to discover who committed this murder.

Why would anyone want to kill a decent man like Dan Percy?

Perhaps the murderer didn't stop to ask if he was decent.

I said, a double Scotch and soda.

I'm sorry, they say no more credit.

What do you mean, "No more credit"?

I had drinks before on the cuff.

They say the cuff is full.

Permit me, señor, I couldn't help overhearing,

- you have no money and yet... - Some people knock on wood.

When I get in a jam, I always get a shoeshine.

Just like Aladdin, rubbing his lamp.

You shine your shoes and here I am.

Señor Victor, allow me to offer you the loan of my cuff.

Waiter, bring Señor Victor whatever his heart desires.

Double Scotch and soda.

Thanks, buster.

How did you know my name?

Everybody does. The great Joe Victor.

Very famous.

I was, once upon a time.

Still, Señor Victor, still. They still talk of you.

I guess I was a pretty big wheel at that.

Look at you now.

They kicked you out of your country for something you didn't do.

- I wasn't even there. - Of course not.

But what do you expect?

With your reputation, if somewhere a crime is committed they cannot solve,

- who do they blame? - Joe Victor.

If only you could go back, huh?

Plant your feet on your native soil,

breathe that friendly air.

Just for one minute.

It is possible, you know? Yes, it is.

Who are you?

What do you want, and what's your pitch?

Finish your drink, señor.

- Not me. I don't knock anybody off. - Knock off?

Killing is not my racket.

No, señor, no, no, no. We don't want you to kill him.

All we want you to do is to make him vanish,

right into our hands.

And if possible, to get for us whatever it is he's working on.

We will pay you well.

$20,000 in advance.

$80,000 on delivery.

Velvet. Real velvet.

It'll take more than money to get me back home.

Yes. Your steamship ticket,

your passport with your new identity.

You'll be Al Steiner. Refugee to Canada.

- What do I do in Canada? - It's just across the border.

One little step and you are in your native land.

What do you say, señor?

This character, what does he do?

- Does it matter? - Sure it does.

Whoever's paying the bills must want him awful bad.

Maybe I'm working too cheap.

Maybe you are.

That's the best I can do.

I can't pull this job alone.

I'll need a few of my boys.

And expenses.

You're driving a hard bargain, señor.

You'll be on the steamship tomorrow morning.

Excuse me, Inspector. Dr. Macklin.

- How do you do? - Inspector.

I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you, Dr. Macklin.

Oh, I see. If I had something to contribute, I would have come myself.

Well, I requested your presence on the off-chance that you might be of help.

I've had the area near the hotel under surveillance.

And I find that you've been in the habit of taking a walk every morning

about the same time that Constable Percy was murdered.

- Remember seeing him that morning? - Yes.

- Where? - In front of the hotel.

He lived close by and we usually passed each other on our way to work.

- Was anyone with him? - No.

There aren't many people about at that hour.

Any cars passing?

Not that I remember.

And you don't recollect seeing anyone else?

No...

Well, a monkey and an organ grinder.

An organ grinder? That early in the morning?

Welcome to Canada and to freedom, Mr. Steiner.

- Mr. Dubois? - Dubois. Your sponsor.

Okay, buddy. Sponsor one of these.

It would not look well for me

to carry the luggage of the man who comes to Canada

to work on my farm.

Before we go anywhere, buster, let's get this straight.

I didn't come here to milk cows.

Just for appearance sake.

No. He is not the man either, Inspector.

Well, that's all of them.

- Are you sure it was an organ grinder? - Absolutely.

You see, Inspector, I have a conviction.

- Yeah. - Civilized man cannot use his knowledge

to improve the world,

he better have remained in the tree.

And I remember saying this to the monkey

and dropping a coin in the monkey's cup.

Perhaps it wasn't an organ grinder at all,

but someone posing as one.

Why would a man do that?

Why would a man talk to a monkey?

Where is he?

- Who is this joker? - He is the man who gives the orders.

Joe Victor. Monsieur Hartman.

So go ahead. Start ordering.

My friend, the wine merchant, tells me you drive a hard bargain.

- Do you know about my associates? - Yes.

Just give their names to Dubois.

He'll arrange for them to come to Montreal.

Put in a call for Nick Johonus. Club Mañana, Mexico City.

This character, where does he live?

He's at the Hotel Champlain.

What kind of a guy is he? Friendly type, with a lot of people around?

Likes solitude. Lives alone.

When you say "alone," you mean no dames?

No dames.

He's dedicated to his work.

There are a lot of guys like that until the right woman comes along.

Maybe we can find the right woman for him.

Aren't you being just a little primitive?

Well, you see, this dame I got in mind,

she'd make anybody turn primitive.

- You should know, Mr. Victor. - I sure do, bud.

She gave me a couple of scars and I still carry them around.

Don't forget. One man's meat might be another man's poison.

Now, two mornings a week,

Mr. Macklin teaches physics at McGill University.

He dines either at the club or the hotel.

What kind of a club?

Members of the faculty belong.

After dinner, he usually plays chess.

Chess?

Intellectual game you wouldn't know about.

When the weather is fine, he plays golf two or three afternoons a week.

If it isn't, he goes up to Mount Royal to ski or skate.

Now you're talking.

The dames in your organization go in for sports?

Yeah. I guess you would call it that.

You sure this guy has no women in his life?

- I got a one-track mind. - Yes.

He's got a charwoman.

Fat and 40.

- Try again. - That's all.

Yes. One moment.

Here's your man.

Nick?