The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - Fifth Season

The Constitution only recognizes

that all people when they are illegal are immoral.

And then they get busted

and they're indecent, and that's where it's at.

Now, the last four years I spent in and out of the courts.

And I figured out,

after four years, uh, why I got arrested

so many times.

Dig what happened. Uh...

I do my act at, oh, perhaps,

Eleven o'clock at night.

Little do I know that 11:00 a.m. the next morning,

before the grand jury somewhere,

there's another guy doing my act

who's introduced as Lenny Bruce... in substance.

"Here he is, Lenny Bruce. In substance."

A peace officer, who is trained for,

to recognize clear and present danger,

not make believe, does the act.

The grand jury watches him work, and they go, "That stinks."

But I get busted.

And the irony is that I have to go to court

to defend his act.

I want to show you this, here.

Again?

Uh, "Criminal Court, City of New York,

Part 2B, County of New York."

Uh, "The honorable judges and" blah, blah, blah.

"...attorney."

"By the information filed on April 3, 1964,

the defendants Lenny Bruce and Harold L. Solomon were charged

in two separate counts, giving an indecent performance

in violation of Section 1148 of the penal law of New York."

All right, now that's the grand jury.

That was the first bust.

Uh...

"During the first performance, Bruce fondles the microphone

in a masturbatory fashion.

Second performance, while telling an act of exposure,

Bruce then turned his back toward the audience

and moved his hand outward and upward, below his waist,

in an obvious and crude pantomime

of an act of exposure and masturbation."

Okay, so I said, "Make sure to tell him

it's gestures of benediction, not masturbation."

Because, like, I would never make gestures of masturbation.

Because I like, like, I'm-I'm concerned with, uh...

with, uh, my-my image and I know

you know, what offends chicks.

Uh, what's ugly to them, uh, what frightens them.

So I said, "Tell him it's gestures of benediction."

Okay.

Uh...

Ah, "Three...

Saint Paul giving up fucking."

Okay, what I said there was...

Uh, that's how the bit is reported.

But I said that, uh...

Oh, I forget, it's been so long since I did that bit.

Uh...

I said that, uh...

I said, uh, how the hell did I do that bit? I said...

Now I see, I...

I forget the bit, I... No, it's weird

'cause I didn't know that was a bit that they...

that they put in there and, uh...

I forget where it, where it started.

I think I was talking about the how the Jews lost...

Ah.

- Hey, do you want to see my dance? - No!

Yeah, I'll do my dance for you, uh...

Here, this is the first time that I've ever danced

in front of an audience.

This is my, uh, my American folk dance.

Uh...

Hello.

Hello. Dirty Lenny's in here.

Dirty Lenny is going on soon.

The pornographer.

Uh, look, I really dug working with you.

I did, and, uh... Oh, as Will Rogers once said,

"I never met a dyke I didn't like."

And, uh, and goodnight.

Lenny Bruce.

- Yeah? - You remember me?

Susie Myerson.

The chopped liver yenta from Allerton Avenue?

No. I'm a manager. I'm Midge Maisel's manager.

Didn't you used to be a man?

No, I did not.

Hey, who's holding?

You're doing some, uh, interesting stuff up there.

Yeah, did you see my dance?

Hey, if you see Slim,

tell him I'm here and he needs to get a fucking watch.

- The show's been over for hours. - You got it, Lenny.

Hey, Lenny, you want to get out of here?

Go somewhere to talk?

Shit.

I remember you now.

Gaslight?

Yes. Gaslight. Long time ago.

I'm a manager now.

- Of the Gaslight? - No.

I'm a talent manager.

I'm Midge Maisel's manager.

I'm Dick Gregory's manager. I'm Phyllis Diller's manager.

I'm Eartha Kitt's manager. I'm a lot of people's manager.

Listen, let's just go get some food, huh? Some coffee.

No, I'm not hungry.

Then let's just get you back on your feet.

- How about that? - Back on my feet?

What I saw out there tonight was a fucking disgrace.

Nobody wants to see you babble on about bullshit, man.

They want you to be funny.

You forget how to tell a joke or make

an observation without a fucking case number attached to it?

I'm an observational cat, dig?

I observe and then I report. That's all I can do.

- You can do more than that. - Like sing?

Like club dates.

- Oh, man, come on. - What come on?

The fuck are you talking about, club dates?

There are no more club dates.

This, tonight, was a fluke.

They thought they booked Bruce Lee.

Are you trying to stand up?

I don't know what the fuck I'm trying to do.

Club dates.

Yes, I'm trying to stand up.

I can't step foot in any club east of the Grand Canyon.

I've been pushed so far west, I got nothing left but Catalina.

Next week I'm working on the back of a dolphin.

Jonah and the Whale for a pack of marlin

- and a school of sardines. - I can change that.

Yeah? How?

I have connections. People owe me favors.

You're gonna use your favors up on me?

Why?

Because you are Lenny Bruce.

There's only ever gonna be one of you.

Let's get him back.

Lenny?

Slim's here.

Keep those favors.

Use them for someone worthy.

Congratulations on repping Dick Capri.

He's a good comic.

Hey, Susie?

Is Midge here?

No. Just me.

Oh.

- Well? - No.

You tell him you talked to Albert Grossman?

He's a mess, Miriam.

- You want to go in and... - No.

No.

Look, I'm gonna be in L.A. next month.

If he's around, I will try again.

Come on, let's go get drunk.

Hey. Buddy, wake up.

Come on, sleep it off at home.

Okay, move it. Hey!

Stop it!

- You stop it! - Hey. Hey!

Listen! Ow! You're not listening to me.

Ow!

And you're releasing her?

She plays poker with the chief.

Well, I feel very safe.

- Just sign here. - Thank you.

- Okay. - Thank you.

- Thanks. - Hello, there.

Thanks for coming.

Got everything?

All you need is your health, right?

Let's go.

- Here. - Thanks.

You need anything else?

Want to tell me what's going on?

Okay.

Oh!

Hey! Shoot.

Sorry.

I asked her to get you on the show.