The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives

Cameron's my boyfriend.

He seriously is the best.

Me and Cam's connection is a lot different than me and my exes

because I feel like he genuinely sees me

and cares for how I feel in every situation.

And I'm just so grateful for him that he came into my life.

This place is so cute. Soda, ice cream, shakes.

Oh, I'm probably-- I'm gonna get a shake.

-That looks so good, actually. - Is that beer?

- Should I try it, first time? -You should try it for your first time.

I still can't believe you've never tried it once in your life.

Never tasted it.

Cameron's dad is a bishop,

so his family is very strong in the church.

Which makes him a bit conservative when it comes to certain things.

I don't know. I'm not intrigued.

You said you'd do a frickin' weed gummy, so.

-Well, I never said I would, but-- -You did!

I said like, "If I'm gonna try it, I'm not gonna smoke."

But if I was gonna try it, I would do an edible over smoking.

I think we should try it.

Alright, we'll see.

And then, you're gonna get the munchies and it's so fun.

Things are going really great with Cameron.

I feel like our sex life is good,

but I still yet to experience an orgasm with a partner

and it's something that I really want for myself,

but something that's kind of ingrained in our church

that you're not really supposed to enjoy sex until you're married.

And I think that that put a constant shame in my head

around sex in general.

It's definitely something that I need to work on and work through.

Like, Dad being a bishop,

-has so much responsibility in the church. -Yeah.

And, like, that's just how I grew up.

Like, so much of everything that was against the church,

like weed and drinking and stuff, like, we just never talked about it.

It was just, "Don't do it,"

or, "Don't-- Or do this or don't do this."

I don't necessarily think Cameron's family has any hard feelings

about me being in MomTok.

But Cameron's only really dated very strong members of the church,

girls that are very active, and I'm definitely the opposite of that.

So, maybe they have their reservations in some way.

So, your parents don't know that you, like, have sex and stuff?

Mm-mm. The significance of, like, having sex before you get married

-is obviously a big deal, so. -Yeah.

They'll figure it out eventually or if they asked me about it, like,

-I'd be open and tell them, but-- -Would you? You wouldn't, like, lie?

Mm-mm.

Do you feel, like, pressure about me?

Like, in making me orgasm?

Yeah, obviously, of course--

-You do? -Well, yeah, of course, I do.

-Those boots are cute. -Thanks!

Today, I'm grabbing brunch with Mikayla and Taylor

and I'm really excited to catch up.

I know that Taylor has been going through a lot with her relationship with Dakota,

and Mikayla has been on a journey with therapy.

And so I'm really excited to get together with them and just chat.

-You gonna take over? Thank you. -Yeah.

But considering everything that has happened

with the Halloween party, I'm worried.

Oh, my goodness! This is so nice.

'Kay, maybe you should sit on the end, Tay, so that you can put him...

-You got this middle... -Yeah.

-Thank you, Rachel. - You're welcome.

-I was like, "How do you know her name?" -I know.

-She has a name tag and I just met her. -Is that your new friend?

"Thank you, Rachel."

Are you gonna add her into the group chat too?

-Shut up. -She can replace Whitney. I approve.

I am, like, lagging today. Like, Dakota--

Have you talked to him at all after the party?

Well, yeah, I made sure he was okay 'cause,

-obviously, like-- - Dakota?

I was worried about that when he stormed off.

I do worry about him, like, obviously, when you have a past like that, like,

that's, like, life or death for people, so it's, like-- I checked up on him.

Yeah, that's good.

Since the Halloween party, Miranda and I are cordial,

but Dakota and I are currently in a fight.

Things are just getting worse and worse.

And, honestly, I do worry about Dakota's sobriety.

With recovering addicts, you never know, and so,

I think I'll always worry about that.

My heart is closed at this point,

but there's no question that I feel so strongly about him.

I was like, "You embarrassed us both."

Oh, yeah. Chase, like, just pointing--

Like, literally so close to your face and so aggressively pointing at you.

Like, every husband probably would've lost it there.

Well, I was like, "The fact that they all saw it except you is, like, embarrassing."

And Chase has done a lot more to you than he's done to any of us too.

He just, like, didn't wanna hear it, but I'm, like, I'm, like, do--

Like, I'm just-- I have nothing to say.

There's no more words for it, honestly.

I know, but you still talk, like, and fight like you're together.

-Yeah. - It doesn't feel done

unless it's, like, strictly, like, about Ever.

Like, "Hey, like, when are you picking him up?"

Just like, "Separate and take care of your baby."

-I don't know. - That's what I'm saying.

I think you two have to work on yourselves

and by yourselves without each other at all.

I feel like it's been sort of done, to be honest.

If he were to go on a date with someone, wouldn't you be pissed?

If you're going on a date during all of this, you're not my person at all--

So, you're still considering being together.

I mean, I don't have-- I, like-- I just don't have words for it. I don't know.

Like, I can't say, "Yes, I'm done with Dakota forever,"

or, "I wanna be with him right now." Like, I just don't, I don't know.

Taylor and Dakota are in a really bad place right now.

It is so toxic.

It's like oil and water.

I understand, like, you wanna make it work with the person you have a baby with,

but I just don't see it working out.

I get confused.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm not focusing on that.

Like, I need to-- I have so much work due. I have my kids to focus on.

I need to be present with them.

I need to go to therapy and heal, like, my inner issues

because I'm also so, like, messed up.

When everyone's like, "Let it go, let it go," or, like, "Do this, do that,"

and it's like my brain is, like, fucked, like--

It's like fucked up.

When I go into therapy, I'm like, "I feel crazy 'cause it's the same thing."

And she's like, "It's not crazy 'cause you're in, like,

"trauma and you have PTSD,

"so it doesn't matter, it's gonna always be there

until we fix it and rewire your brain," so.

-Yeah. But it is possible, though, so... -Yes. It's just work in progress.

And I'm tired of everyone being like, "And we're exhausted."

-Well, guess what? Me too! - Yeah.

So, it's gonna take a while to heal it.

Yeah.

I have some really deep issues of self-worth.

I felt like my real dad not wanting anything to do with me,

my guilt for the swinging scandal,

it makes me feel like trash.

And now, Dakota kinda brought it out and exploded it.

But it's deeper than Dakota and what he did.

When I am betrayed, that just confirms my beliefs about myself.

I feel like you guys are never on the same page.

And so, I feel like you're both trying to validate your feelings to each other,

but you can't do it.

I think Taylor and Dakota's relationship

is kind of already detrimental to Taylor's health and mental well-being.

He's been deceitful and lying to you

and gaslighting you for the last two years.

But now that she has a baby, I understand that it adds a, a difficult dynamic.

I just want her to be healthy.

And I want her to have a healthy relationship.

We were supposed to have therapy on Monday together,

but I don't know if he'll show up.

I'm going 'cause she's my, like, psychiatrist regardless.

But if he was supposed to be there, but if--

I don't know if he'll come. But I don't-- I'll be there regardless.

- Mm-hm. -I don't know.

Alright, we can talk about something else.

-Yeah, well-- - Expect

-nothing. -Eww! What is that on my head?

-Ew, they're still there. - Get it out!

Well, stop it. It's just a ladybug, you freak.

Oh, my gosh! Well, it, like, is stuck to my head.

Anyways...

Uh, how are your marriages, guys? Perfect?

I'm like, honestly, really good, but...

-No one's marriage is perfect. - No one is perfect.

You know what I forgot to tell you guys? I need to pull this up actually.

A few months ago, I got, like, two confessions on Sinner Sunday.

-Wait, is it about me? - Do you have PTSD?

Well, I always get ones about you, but this is not what I'm talking about.

But It said, "I slept with Demi's husband last year

while she was away."

Sinner Sunday is something that I started a couple years ago

where I just wanted to have a little bit of fun.

I have people write in anonymous confessions

and they're usually really juicy.

And then, I post 'em on the story of that page for everyone to see.

Yeah, that's not true. Demi doesn't go a day away from Bret, so.

Besides the girls' trip we did in June.

Nothing would surprise me anymore.

We have learned, there is truth to the confessions on Sinner Sunday.

There are.

With the Dakota and Taylor situation,

a lot of things ended up coming out that were true.

Demi and Bret might have cracks that they don't share with everybody.

No relationship is perfect.

We can talk about Jen and Zac.

I was just gonna ask, "What do you think about Jen and Zac?"

But, I guess, we don't know?

They were doing their trial... living.

When I talk to Jen, she's like, "Oh, my gosh, we're so much better, no.