Extras

Day 7 : All the housemates are in the kitchen

Rita, what on earth are you doing?

I'm learning to play the recorder

Why?

Well, it's the school's idea, they say that every now and then, you should swap places with your child

So each of you gets to see how the other half lives So I’m learning how to play the recorder

What's your daughter's doing?

Oh, she's sat at home with a bottle of gin, thinking about her failed marriage

Rita, you're a card

Yeah, the Joker

Oh, it' no good, it's too difficult

Rita, I used to play the recorder at school, let me help your learn

Thank you Brance Okay, so...

Yes Mr. Yamaguchi... No Mr. Yamaguchi...

Can I just say, one more time, I’m velly velly solly

I mean, very very sorry. I'll talk to you too, I'll talk to you, good bye

Rita, just relax...

But it's so hard...

Just take it in your hand...

...and blow...

Don't suck...

Oh, that's good.

What the bloody hell is going on here

Oh, sorry Mr. Stokes I don't know when I’m blowing or when I’m sucking

She's learning to play the recorder, Mr. Stokes

What does it record? Hein?

What does it record?

it doesn't record anything

Why is it called a recorder for, then? I don't get it

Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh?

Ah, sometimes Gobbler...

Raymond... Oh my god !

What is it? Raymond...

It's only my bloody twin sister

Hello Raymond

What are you doing here?

A younger gets lonely. Maybe still but what are YOU doing here?

Mr. Millman... What?

Hello there, sorry to bother you, I saw you in here, my name is Richard, I’m the manager

You've got to help me Why?

Would you mind signing a few of these? What, now?

They're not moving...

Just as many as you can manage, if you sign ten, that's ten more chances of selling

I thought the public would lap this tat up for Christmas but they're more discerning than I thought

Even the Kramer doll are selling better than this one

I'm out there Jerry, and I'm loooving it !

Shut up ! Fifty years ago they had you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass !

Cheap and ugly, isn't it? I suppose that's the problem

It is ugly

Are you having a laugh?

Are you having a laugh?

Are you having a laugh?

Who to thought people would eventually find that irritating?

The thing is, you got to order these things like a year in advance

Still...I won't make the same mistake again. No.

I'll make my money back next Christmas

I've ordered ten thousand Sanjaya dolls

Ah, you're laughing then, aren't you?

What would you rather do, right?

Never celebrate Christmas ever or have Christmas every day?

If it's Christmas every day, what do I have to do?

Nothing, it's Christmas, you just sit at home, watching the TV, having the day off

What, so no one works, there no industry, no government, it's chaos

So you've rather never celebrate Christmas?

Yeah, if that was the choice

So you'll be Jewish, they don't celebrate Christmas

Why would I suddenly be Jewish? I don't know what you're talking about...

ready?

yes

Look, it's Greg, in a film. Oh, come on, we can't watch TV in the day

No, no wait, I want to see

No man has the right to kill his brother It is no excuse to do so in uniform

It merely adds the infamy of servitude,

to the crime of murder

I love Clive Owen

Ugf...Clive...good name for a film star

If we must have a tyrant, let him at least be a gentleman bred to the business,

and let us fall by the axe, and not by the butcher's cleaver

Greg seems good in it

It'll be a bit part

I'm joined by Clive Owen and Greg Lindley Jones, the two leads in the film

He's one of the leads

in a terrible film

I thought the film was brilliant

He thought it was brilliant Oh, I can hear?

Greg, you play Shelly. And I have to say, it's one of the most exciting performance I think I've ever seen

How was it for you working with such an established star as Clive Owen?

Let me say, he is such a down to earth guy, he's just so real

We had a good time I had a great time

I know a lot of people are saying that but we really really did get along well

I can't believe you persuaded me to do these things,

they're not even selling apparently cause they're embarrassing...

loads are lying around in bargain bins for ages. Cheap tat

Well yeah but they cut the prices to try and shift a few

but the good thing is that because they all so cheap to manufacture, we still get paid 40 p a time...

cause they're made in sweat shops.

Oh, thanks god for the exploitation of 10 years old children

Absolutely. And the funny thing is of course that your key demographic as well is in the kids

so even if they doing like a 14 hours a day, it's probably living a hell of a time

you know, pressing "You having a laugh?". They're probably enjoying themselves 'cause it's nice

I hope it doesn't distract them from their work, they would get a beating

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna hear this

Don't listen to him, they wouldn't work there if they didn't like it

I don't think they got a lot of choice, to be honest

As Henri Matisse once said : " The right happiness in oneself from a good day of work for illuminating the fog that surrounds us"

Oh yeah? What are you working on today?

I'm trying to get this dog muck out of a shoe, it's a nightmare

Next door is Great Dane, the stench is unbelievable

I've seen him feeding eggs, oil boiled eggs, to a dog, it's mad

Really, I don't care I don't want to be associated with this sort of staff

To the general public, there is no difference between me and that doll

What? Little fat ugly thing? Pathetic? No? No, I put on...

I'll put on a wig and shot a catch phrase

I want to be associated with credible stuff

Oh, yeah, we've had offers. Part in the BBC's jewel in the crown, Dr Who

no

Hotel Babylon?

No, I don't want to do...camp, frothy nonsense

I want to do something classy

Celebrity Big Brother've been on the phone

You're not listening? It's good money... Not in a million years

What about films? What happen to films?

We did have a call. Have you heard about this Byron film that everyone is raving about?

Yeah Well, they making a sequel, should be classy, should be good

It's about what it's mean to be a man, it's about honor, it's about integrity

They wanted you to go into an audition Right

Obviously I said no

What do you mean you said no?

Well they were asking for someone who was either 36, handsome, dashing and I presumed they had to be taller than you.

So I thought it was safe... Always do the audition

Look at you, that's insane, I might as well send Barry

Call them back and say you have the perfect person for the part Who?

Me ! No, I don't want to waste their time

Why should I have to persuade my agent to get me an audition? It should be the other way around

If I send you, they'll think I don't know what I'm doing

Oh, no one could thinks you don't know what you're doing. You're a total waste of space and shouldn't even be in the industry

Well thanks, maybe you'll be surprised

Get me the audition

Okay, that's a ten minutes break everyone, sandwiches are over here

Could you just let the actors and the crew have theirs first, please

Can you hold on?

Are you Maggie? Yes

Andy wants to see you in his dressing room

What, now? Yeah

Chop chop

Oh, hello Mrs. Millman, is Andy in?

It's a face pack, don't laugh at me now What is this for?

For a film For a film, it comes for a film?

Help me out, don't comment

Is that a girdle?

No, it just helps firm up the...

Flab? Right, come on in, quick

Are you serious? Oh my god... Yeah, come on

That's not gonna work Jesus Christ, of course it is

I don't hear you laugh, don't hear you laugh

Now go on in, oh I'm going right on Where do your organs go?

Do They just get closer together or am I gonna cough up a kidney in the audition?

Andrew Millman You looking good

Been working out, ain't it?

I'm sorry, I must declare an interest. Actually me and Andy are very old friends, we...

we've been climbing the slippery showbiz ladder together

Some of us, got a little further than others...

Anyway, I won't be biased

So, which role are we all here for? Henri Milligan

Hang on Copy, Henri Milligan says here age 36...

Yeah, I took that as meaning he's in his late thirties

We'll change it to late thirties

Hang on, Henri Milligan says here late thirties...

Should we do one? Yeah

Do you want to stand up? Yes, easy

Ah, Henri Milligan, allow me to introduce myself

Your reputation precedes you sir, and it's one...the...

Sorry, sorry, can we stop proceeding. Something seems to have happened to Andy's midriff

Can we just rewind that and see what happened? I don't know if everyone else saw that?

Hey, it's his belly. Andy, did your diaphragm just collapsed?

Andy seems to have scuttled off...

Allo it's me, leave a message after the tone and I’ll get back to you. Did that record?

I, it's me, do you fancy some lunch, at the Ivy, half 8. I can tell you all about my brilliant audition

Alright, give us a call back. Cheers, bye

Andy Millman

Alright Bunny? What are you doing?

waiting...

waiting...for what? Cock !

never too early for that, is it?

Don't you know about this area?

No, I just moved in

This area is famous for it, I'm here all the time

This is known as the waiting bench

Oh, by the way, loving the show

cheers

You having a laugh?

Keep walking, keep walking !

She'll never get anything in the daylight

Alright Bunny? Alright George

any action?

I only got 20 minutes actually, I'm on my lunch break

lunch break?

Yeah, I'm doing community service Are you still doing that?

Oh no, not that one, I'm doing another one I'm picking up litter now

Alright...What did you do wrong this time?