Rick and Morty

Ah, ugh.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Mmm!

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh, ugh.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Ugh, this fuckin' thing.

This, uh, uhh, fuck.

Ho... kay.

- - Come o-o-on!

- Come on, man! -

Piece of fuckin'... Piece of shit!

Aah! Aah!

Hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn, hnn!

Lockdown initiated.

Mort-y-y-y!

Ohhh. Hey, pal. W-What's up?

Oh, g-good... Good morning, Mor... Morty.

Yeah. Sure thing.

You want breakfast?

Or dinner?

Are you humoring me, Morty?

No.

I only had a couple of drinks, Morty!

S-so, w-what do you need me for?

This fuckin' thing locked me out!

Okay. Well, whose fault is that?

- Y-o-o-ours! - What?

Let! Me! In!

- - Owww!

Unh!

M-o-o-o-ort-y-y-y-y!

I mean, Rick, I don't really know what I can do here.

Y-you don't give a shit about grandpa, huh?

Is... Is that it, Morty? Y-you want me dead?

Rick...

Y-you won't inherit anything from me, Morty.

Evil boy. Wicked boy.

Okay. You know what?

Hello? R-Rick S... Rick Sanchez phone.

How'd... How you get this number?

- Reese! - Reese?

Uh, y-you're in town? Of course we can.

Of course I'm drunk. L-let's, uh, see you soon!

Guess who that was!

It was Reese.

Y-you said... You said it out loud!

Fucking Reese, Morty!

Mnhmnh, who needs passwords, huh?

W-we need our minds off of this shit, Morty.

We gotta hang out with our pal Reese!

Rick, you just yelled at me, and I don't even care.

I like Reese that much.

That's 'cause he's the fuckin' best!

You got that right.

Reese! Reese! Reese! Reese! Reese! Reese!

I love these trips, Reese.

H-hell, yeah!

Fly-fishing, babay!

Aww! W-was that my fault?

D-did I fuck that up?

M-dawg, if they never got away,

what'd be the point of catching 'em?

Man, that's some great... Great fly-fishing wisdom, Reese.

Really calming.

You gotta wade with the current, dude.

- You're the best. -

Awww, geez!

Hey, M-Morty.

Morty, Morty, Morty, Morty!

Oh! Oh, God! Rick!

Get outta here!

I know I packed the special marshmallows.

One job.

I opened the cabinet,

I looked at them. I know I looked at them!

One job!

You forgot them on the last Reese trip.

Seems like a bad thing to trust me with, then.

You gotta be more patient with Morty, Rick.

Not everyone can be a genius.

It's what you do with what you got that counts.

Sorry, Morty. I could take it easier on you.

I'm, uh... I'm still wired from catching all those fish.

Ha ha! Well, you'd find a way to get high on anything.

Ain't that the truth?

Rick: True.

You know, Rick, you two may fight,

but you're the real deal.

Heh. Thanks, Reese.

Ah, man. I hate to do this, guys,

but I got some work stuff I still need to hit.

Might have to call it.

Sounds good to me. I'm beat.

What? The... The trip just started.

Sorry, champ, but the river's not going anywhere.

Shake a leg, Morty. Some of us got responsibilities.

You could always just move to Earth, Reese.

Rick's a god.

He could, like, grow your job out of slime.

He could grow your whole company out of slime.

It's a great idea, Morty.

I'll pitch it to my boss.

Bye, Reese.

Remember, wade with the current, pal.

Theft detected.

Um, did... did... Did you just...

Threat nullified.

Shit.

Jesus fucking Christ!

Okay, so, Morty, I know your instinct will be

to make a big deal about this.

You'll be all, "Betrayal! Betrayal!"

We've known him for years!

S-so Reese takes us camping whenever you get locked out?!

Oh, my God. Am I your fucking password?

Ugh. It's more complex than that.

But yes.

Our relationship is unique in the multiverse.

Th-there. Jerk off to it.

It's what you always wanted.

We're unique, and I depend on you.

- Unh! - Whoa!

And you needed to gaslight me

with a cool fake friend to verify that?!

Morty, how can you be mad at this?

I created an awesome guy we had a great time with.

I'm more sad about this than you, Morty.

I liked Reese. Reese was cool.

Now I gotta build a new fuckin' Reese thing!

Unh! Hunh! Uhh! Unh!

Unh!

Aah!

Mm. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Ahh. Oh.

Ahh.

What?

It's just, how is there that much liquid in there?

Oh. Uh, this one is, uh... It's a... it's a portal thing.

Th-there's a big silo full of vodka on this one planet.

These, uh, little hog-men keep it full for me.

Okay.

I'm gonna go empty it.

Ugh!

Rick?

That was fucked up, Rick.

But I can handle fucked up.

A-a-and now that I know what Reese is,

w-we can, we can hang out with him all the time, right?

Uh...

Morty what? -Whaa?

What the hell are you doing to him?

Oh. I got, I gotta transfer over some stuff-uh before disposal.

"Disposal"?!

- Reese is a liability, Morty. -

He's like a credit card.

If he's not in use, he-e's gotta be shredded.

Chin up, Morty.

It's my bad for going all Iron Giant in front of ya.

I don't want you to die.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm not dying

'cause I was never really living.

He's got all my passwords, Morty.

You can't just... he's not a guy, he's... he's a wallet.

Nice wallet.

Aah! Morty!

Lockdown initiated.

Morty, nooo!

Aah! Ooh! Ohh!

- - Reese is my friend!

Rick: He's not alive, Morty!

He's... he's a program that unlocks my computer

and dispenses clichés!

You better open that hatch, Morty!