Grinders

Action!

Jackson Hardy, here, with Jackson Hardy's Used Car Sails.

As Is Auto Sales.

We got so many cars in stock that we're having a sale.

This one here,

hell, I don't even know what it is, but it runs great.

It's on it's way right to the junkyard.

This one, here, we got, is the minivan.

This is great if you have a family

that you probably shouldn't have but you do.

So you got this one right here.

And this bad boy, here,

people are just dying to get a ride in this one.

You purchase this one, I'll throw in a free stray cat.

And then that one, there, fuck that one.

But this one!

This one here's got brand new tires

and a great engine, but it's not for sale.

Did you get the sound?

- Yeah, we got it. - Cut.

Is it good?

Billy, the sheriff and the detective were here

grilling me about the whereabouts of Wilma this morning.

Thank God they didn't ask to look in the cooler.

You gotta help me get her outta here!

Well, geez, you're my brother,

help me get her out of the cooler

and get her to the truck and I'll take her to the property

and I'll grind her up.

Now, get in there, dumb ass!

Oh, now I'm the dumb ass?

Ow, son of a bitch!

Man, where's the light?

It's dark in here and it's fucking cold!

All right, Billy, you gotta help me get her off the hook.

Now grab her by the legs and lift.

I got him by the shoulders.

Hang on.

Oh my god, she weighs a ton!

I got her legs.

Let's turn her.

What?

Oh, here we go, okay, turn slowly.

- Wait. - Oh god.

Don't drop her.

Slowly, watch her head, just for watch her head.

- I got it. - I said watch your head!

Howdy, y'all.

Yeah, I'm talking to you,

all sitting down there, looking at me,

looking at this flame.

Flame kind of represents life.

You see how it moves around?

Things work and things don't sometimes

and then it just goes out.

Just like that.

I bet you're thinking,

"I'm somewhat confused about what I just saw right now."

Well, maybe I'm here and maybe I'm not

just to clear things up, just a tad for you.

It all started just about five some odd years ago.

It's been five years in the state pen.

Well, some say it was my fault, some say that is wasn't.

But you know what?

A good judge, crooked lawyer, or vice versa,

you never know what you're gonna get.

Guess the moral of this story is,

you know how you sometimes get caught up in life

and you just want to take a ride

out in the country by yourself,

just to kind of clear your mind

and get the fog of life and cobwebs outta your head?

Oh, there you go down the highway

and you get out in the country

and you suddenly decide you're gonna take an off road

and nothing but greenery and beautiful trees out there

and come to the stoplight

and you got a choice to make.

Sometimes that choice ain't easy.

It may not be the right one neither.

Do I go left, or do I go right?

Well, I grew up in a little town out there in the country

and in the south.

Wouldn't call them towns, wouldn't call them cities,

but When they get under 300 people, they call them a gulch.

Well, that's where I growed up.

So instead of going left, you decided to go right

and guess where you ended up?

You ended up in a gulch.

You've seen them before but you very rarely stop.

But you pull into this little town and,

this little gulch, and you think to yourself,

"This is one of those towns

where everybody knows everybody."

You know the town.

It's small,

but let me tell you something else.

Really started out all innocent life,

but that little town has some big, big problems.

By any chance,

may I see your driver's license and registration?

All right, there you go.

All right, you slow down now,

you drive safe, you have a nice day now.

What the hell you doing standing right in front

of my fucking lawnmower for, you damn fool?

I was trying to get your attention,

but as usually, you listen to that crap you call music.

You know, I could have run over your fat, obnoxious ass,

then I'd have had to tell your lazy wife

that I done chopped you up!

For a smart guy, you sure are a dumb ass.

Dumb ass?

I make 10 times what you make.

Fat fuck!

One of these days, I'm gonna run over your fat ass!

Watch where you're driving moron!

What was that all about, Jackson?

That dumb son of a bitch almost grinded me up.

Driving around listening to music so loud

you couldn't hear a bomb go off.

You didn't answer my question.

I'm trying to get him to go over

and mow my sister's lawn on Friday.

Such a bother about nothing.

You two have been feuding for years.

Now, come on, let's get out of here.

I got some shopping to do.

That is the ugliest son of a bitch

that I've ever seen.

Hey, Miss Lucy.

How are you doing today, Jeb?

Oh, fine and dandy, fine and dandy.

Hey, congratulations on winning Miss Junebug

again this year.

Thank you, Jeb, I'm so proud to serve my community.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

It's quite a burden for you there.

What can I get for you today?

I'll have a pound of ground and juicy rib eye, please.

All right.

What did you do to your finger?

Oh, chopping and chipping, you know the business.

- Ooh. - That's how it goes.

So how come you haven't got a boyfriend again this year?

Well, I had one kinda, sorta.

But he was too jealous.

Oh boy, you know, well being a Miss Junebug and all,

that's quite a big responsibility.

You're quite the celebrity, you know,

and not a lot of people can handle that.

Right, I'm a celebrity,

and he'd get agitated when people come up

wanting to take pictures of me and my crown.

Oh my gosh.

Well, here you go, on your account as usual?

Yes, please, if you don't mind.

Oh no, no, no problem at all.

No problem at all.

So, Jeb?

Mm-hmm?

How come a handsome man such as yourself is not hitched?

Oh, well, I kinda like the hunting and fishing life.

It's hard to find somebody to go along with that.

You just need a nice country girl like me.

Well, I do like Thelma-lou now,

but she's gotta know how to cut and grind,

if you know what I mean.

Well, all righty then. (Chuckling)

Well, Miss Lucy, you be safe out there now.

You know them country boys,

they don't slow down for nothing.

Thank you, Jeb, you are such a worry wart.

All righty, Miss Lucy.

Ain't she something?

Goddamn it, Bedford, that's the third one this week!

All for a fucking tail light?