King of the Hill

-(birds chirping) -Yup.

Yup.

Mm-hmm. -(car approaching)

Hey, hillbillies,

my delinquent nephew coming to town.

Don't buy him beer!

I know rednecks like to buy beer for kids.

He'll ask. He like to party.

Don't buy him beer!

Hey, you guys wanna come to my vernal equinox party tomorrow?

No.

Before you answer, remember,

the vernal equinox is when the stars align

in the configuration of an arrow pointing to Earth,

as if to say, "Come visit here."

I'll read a thoughtful essay. We'll shriek ceremoniously and eat tapas!

God, no.

Hey, guys!

-Ow! My knee! -(thuds)

Bill, you got to promise me you won't do that in front of the aliens.

They hate slapstick.

-(quirky music sting) -(slurps)

Nancy,

have you begun making the tapas?

This will be the visitors' first experience with food on this planet.

I want them to have a little taste of everything.

Is this gonna shrink down?

This is huge!

What, what will I tell the aliens?

"I hope you like this,

because if you don't, there's nothing else"?

Dale, I'm doing the best I can.

I'm sorry I don't know alien protocol.

Come on, seven! -(Joseph grunts strangely)

Seven!

That's the third seven in a row you've blown out of your nose.

You're amazing!

It's either lucky dice or a lucky nose.

There's only one way to find out.

Boys, please stop that!

I don't have time to take anyone to the emergency room!

-(snuffles, grunts) -(thuds)

Now, be sure you've got your phone off when the aliens get here.

It could startle them, which could result in our death.

-Not to mention, it's pretty rude. -(plate clinks)

Hey, Nancy, did you know that John Redcorn, the children's musician,

has been trying to reach you here at the station?

Well, I, I have no idea why. I barely know that guy.

Well, he seems to know you.

I want you to do a feature on him.

What?! But I do news.

We're moving you off the news desk to features.

It seems, people aren't interested in hard news anymore.

They say it's "boring" and makes them "sad".

That is not my fault. I always said we shouldn't do the sad stuff.

No, people love you. Look at this mail.

"We love the blonde woman."

And, "Nancy real good." And, "I wanna lay with blondie."

Really? Oh, that's flattering!

But, um, shouldn't I start with a better get than John Redcorn?

No, Redcorn's hot. He's burning up the pre-tween market.

And can you see if he'll play my stepkid's birthday?

Of course, I get stuck organizing the party

because my stepkid's real dad's too busy.

Too busy? Too drunk!

And... it's equinox!

-(shrieking continues) -(distant engine revs)

Gih!

-(engine stops) -(door opens)

Alien?

-A-len. -Alien.

Oh, my God, it worked!

Your language. It's beautiful!

You want me to get in there?

Okay, okay, I'll get in.

-Good-bye, Earth! -(whirs)

-(man speaking in Laotian) -(beeps)

2048.

Hey, your clock's on military time.

Why would you have milita... Oh, my God!

-That's not the time. -(beeping)

That's the year!

You're not an alien. You're a time traveler!

-(thudding) -Let me out of this thing! Eject!

-(engine revving) -(thuds)

Oh, I'm so glad

that your regular makeup lady got meningitis

so I can do your makeups.

That's great, shug.

Did you get a cat?

A blonde cat?

Um, no.

I don't have a cat.

Nancy.

John Redcorn.

Go, Nancy.

I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble, reporting live from Captain Bear's Pizza.

John Redcorn,

you enchant Arlen's children and tweens.

Tell me about your personal style.

I wore this vest especially for you.

This is the Native American symbol for forbidden love.

Oh.

Well, that's a fun fact.

Um, speaking of fun, what's your favorite local hot spot?

Remember when we found your hot spot?

Bobby, room.

But he's getting out his guitar.

Now!

You better call me if he sings The Oatmeal Blues.

I hope for Dale's sake this isn't what it looks like.

-(door closes) -The... rekindling and whatnot.

Nancy swore to me she would never whatnot with that man again.

Guitar playing is about strumming the instrument

in many intimate ways.

I caress the strings gently with a feather.

For Channel 84, I'm Nancy Hicks-Gribble. Good night!

And... clear.

Luanne, would you help me with this earpiece?

Here. Let me help you.

Is that my hair?

You always did make me feel strong.

I've done it! I've traveled to 2048!

Al Gore was right.

I wonder what ocean this used to be.

-(thumping) -And man has devolved back to crawling.

No, wait, that's just me.

It's times like this I wish I had a friend named The Professor.

too many notes to self.

Probably can't get more cassettes.

So, they changed the name of Arlen to Fartland.

Oh, cold, hilarious fate.

What happened here that would make them do such a thing?

-(quirky music sting) -(birds chirp)

What can I do for you today?

Your lips are looking a bit thin.

You want me to plump them up with some more of your butt fat?

Well, sure, but first, could you look at my hair?

I think it's been falling out lately.

Hmm. Hair's tough. Let me try something.

Well, that should have hurt.

What's happening to me?

Well, it's difficult to determine the cause

of female hair loss, and then it's hard to cure.

So, what should I do?

Well, there are some shampoos on the market

with outrageous claims.

You could try those,

but if they don't work, you should be prepared for this.

See, right now, you're here.

In six months, you'll be... here.

Oh, my God!

Oh, I tried it again. You're definitely losing your hair.

What are you doing here, John Redcorn?

I wrote a song for you.

It's about a beautiful tree named Fancy.

Ignore the end.

The tree becomes a home for a squirrel with body image issues.

I'm sorry, John Redcorn, but you've got to go.

We broke up already. It was hard, but it's done.

Please, Nancy. Don't we owe it to ourselves to be happy?

What's John Redcorn doing here?

Don't be obvious,

but look over at my one o'clock, your 6:30.