Flight of the Phoenix

Hey, guys. What do y'all think the deal is with those clowns?

I don't know, but we're not expecting supplies.

Hey, Rod. Where you goin', man?

To pack. We're done here.

This is bullshit. You knew about this.

Kelly. What can I do for you?

You're closing me down.

I am not closing you down. Atlanta is closing you down.

You said you'd back me all the way.

And you said you'd find oil here.

Frank Towns, right?

Hi. I'm Kelly Johnson.

- Hi, Kelly. - It's my rig.

- Oh. - So, how long we got?

Just as long as it takes to cap that well and get your crew on the plane.

This is bullshit!

You can't just show up and shut us down.

Yeah? Well, just watch me.

Yeah, yeah. I've heard your reputation. "Shut It Down" Towns.

I thought it was inflated.

You know, you screw up...

you pay the price.

Nobody here screwed up.

Really? Well, somebody somewhere thinks that you did.

You owe me 10 bucks. She's a redhead.

You really enjoy your job, don't you, Towns?

Kelly, right?

Kelly, there are few things I do enjoy...

but getting my balls broken while I'm trying to do my job isn't one of them.

Now, get your shit packed, get your crew together and load this airplane.

And by the way, when we reach Beijing, you're off the clock.

Have a nice day.

- Thanks very much. - A.J.

- Yeah. - Let's get this garbage out of here.

- Nice. - Good job. Nice one.

These oil rigs...

they attract the sorriest bunch of zeroes ever.

- Who tied that up? - Need a little help, man?

- Yeah, right. - We're gonna be fine. Thanks.

Come on. Let's clear this shit up, man.

- Help me out. - I just finished loading this thing up!

What a team.

- Oh, man! - Hold up, man.

- Davis, what are you doing? - You know I do this when I get on a plane.

- It's good luck, all right? I ain't crashed yet. - Come on. Move it.

You keep talking like that, you're gonna jinx us.

- I ain't jinxin' us. This is for good luck. - Settle down.

Hey!

- You ladies calm down. - You want to try pushing me into my seat?

- You must be Rodney. - Mm-hmm.

I knew this guy that worked with you out in Kuwait.

Didn't that rig get shut down too?

What's your problem? We're the ones losing our jobs.

We're the ones who had to fly to this shit hole and pick up all the garbage.

Okay, guys. Knock it off.

You ladies have a safe flight.

Lucky he walked away.

Yes, I... I think you may find it more comfortable back there...

with the rest of them.

Sure.

Ticktock, Liddle.

Yeah. Don't get too attached to it. I'm gonna want it back.

- We're all set? - Looks like we got one more.

That can't be. Everybody's here.

I'll let him know he's walkin'.

I guess I need a ride to Beijing.

Not on this flight, Goober.

Anybody know who this guy is?

It's a long story.

Get on board. A.J., start us up.

You're the boss, Frank.

Okay. All set, Mr. President.

I think it's about that time that we do the checklist as the two Bills.

What do you say, buddy?

Well, why change a good thing? Go ahead, good buddy.

Allow me to grab my bulletin. Seat belts.

I always like to have a little something strapped to my lap.

Check.

Windows, doors and hatches.

Closed and secured so no one can disturb us.

Water injection.

That's what she said.

Check.

Gyros.

Set and uncaged, just like yours truly.

And last, but not least, cow flaps.

Till the cows come home.

I think we're ready to go. You gonna kiss your lucky man?

- I'll make it happen right now. - Clear left.

- Clear right. - All right. Here we go.

My wife was pregnant with this little guy when I left.

I haven't even met him yet.

That's nice. You must really be looking forward to getting home.

You have no idea.

- You wanna see my family, bro? - Yeah.

Check her out, man. She's my whole life.

When I get back home, I'm gonna open up a restaurant.

- Yeah? - Yeah. Sammi and Sandra's Sweet Salsa Shop.

That's tight, right? You like that?

How do I know her though? She look familiar.

What you talking 'bout, man? You don't know her.

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Oh, now I recognize her.

That's a big one, Frank.

What do you want to do?

- Try kissing that lucky man again. - Frank.

If we go back, we'd have to get refueled.

God knows how long that'd take.

Let's go up to 14. I've never seen one go that high before.

Give me full power. Watch the climb. About 700 feet a minute.

You're the boss, Frank.

Jesus.

What the hell was that?

- That was the aerial, Frank. - Oh, great.

- I'll go in the back and calm them down. - Got it.

Hello again, ladies.

As the frequent fliers amongst you can probably tell...

we're experiencing some turbulence this morning...

so I kindly ask you to remain seated...

and try not to shit yourselves all over my airplane.

- What was that noise just now? - Everything's fine.

A wind gust just tore off the aerial, but we're gonna keep going.

- The aerial for the radio? - No, the one for the satellite TV.

- Genius. - Christ, just turn around.

Thank you so much.

Excuse me. Excuse me! You planning on flying over the storm?

Wanna close that door and get the hell back to your seat?

- I believe you're too heavy. - Will you deal with this?

- Look like it's goin' higher. - We'll go around it.

Set a course 1-8-0 due south.

About 200 miles oughta do it.

Copy. 1-8-0.

We won't make it. The plane is overweight.

Never as bad as this.

All right. We're comin' around it. Okay.

Okay.

Oh, God.

Come on!

We're in trouble here, A.J.

Check the map. Find the nearest place we can set it down.

Lhugar's our best shot, but it's 300 miles south of the basin.

Maybe we can outrun it.

Lhugar radio, this is Amacore Transport, 8-7-3-Bravo. Over.

Our location is approximately 40 degrees, nine minutes north latitude...

84 degrees, 42 minutes east longitude.

- Here we go. - You puttin' the gear down?

Never get it back up again if we don't.

Mayday, mayday! Repeat. Mayday, mayday!

Any stations copy?

A.J., ready the passengers.

- Listen up. We got a major problem. - Oh, God.

Looks like we have to make an emergency landing.

- Oh, shit. - Make sure you're strapped in.

And if you believe in God, it's time you call in a favor.

Oh, God!

A.J!

Come on, baby. Come on.

Oh, crap!

No! Oh! Aah! Help!

Oh, God!

Everybody okay?

Everybody okay?

A.J.?

A.J!

- I'm okay. - You all right?

Are you hurt?

Dr. Gerber's on board.

Where is he?

He's right here.

Jesus! Fire!

Hey! Hey, where do you think you're going?

- I can't stay in here man. I can't breathe! - Hey!

That storm is blowin' a hundred miles an hour out there!

It'll take your skin off before you get five feet. Now sit down! Sit down!

Everybody sit down!

Were you able to send a mayday before we came down?

We got no response. The radio's down.

Someone's coming for us though, right? Right?

Just as soon as the storm is over.

They know where to look for us?

We don't have the same kind of radar tracking we have in the States.

- Oh, fantastic. - And it's a big desert, isn't it?

We were, uh, due to refuel in Langhu right about...

right about now, so it'll take 'em a couple of hours to miss us.

So for right now, everybody just sit tight.

Conserve your oxygen.

Hey, Captain? Don't think we don't know what you did.

Not many pilots, you know, could've done that...

so... thank you.

Yes. Thank you, Captain.

Yeah!

It's like being in an hourglass.

I'm just a chef, but even I know ain't no way a cell phone's gonna work out here.

Well, there's no harm in trying, is there?

You never know. You never know.

I think the company man's losing it.

What the hell are you laughing at? This is your fault!

- Why is it his fault? - All that stuff about jinxes.

You can't talk like that sitting in a plane on the bloody tarmac!

- You're the one who put the jinx on us. - Oh, shut up.