Club Dead

-(growling) -(yells)

Zack, Zack, Zack.

Have you no manners?

Look, I don't care what you guys are doing in there,

just deal me out, all right?

You are my guest, Zack.

And you left without saying goodbye.

I don't just let anyone in my club, you know.

Just back off, please!

What's wrong, Zack?

I don't believe in freaks. Leave me alone!

Mmm. Very tasty.

Who the hell are you?

Man: We are a select order

whose job is containment.

Near every vampire cell or pocket of vampires,

you'll find a Sentinel waiting to respond to trouble.

Male voice: Vida.

Man, I gotta get a dog.

Male voice: Vida.

Vida.

-(snarls) -(screams)

-(growling) -(screaming)

Girl, what happened?

I had a nightmare.

Oh, again?

Again. I'm sorry.

Oh, my goodness.

Well, I'm gonna go back to sleep.

-Try to figure that out. -I'm sorry.

Vida: I look like a freak.

Man: Look. I know.

But that's what gets us into this club, okay?

I look like an idiot.

-I think you look hot. -Oh, yeah?

-Yes. -Take me home to your mom

looking like this?

Absolutely. She'd have a heart attack,

and I'd regret it for the rest of your life.

Oh, look, here comes my guy.

Hey, Doze!

Hey, buddy, give us a break tonight, okay?

I've been here every night for a month.

Let us in.

Yeah, dude, we're freezing, please.

-Come on. -Then go home.

Doze?

You're making me look bad in front of the lady.

You don't need no help with that.

I like that, you're quick.

"I don't need any help with that," that's good.

Here's the thing.

How about I give you this Abraham Lincoln, right?

How about getting your hand out my motherfucking face?

God. No need to get aggressive.

I forgot. You know, 21st century.

How about this, plastic right here?

Madam decides on who gets in.

-Couldn't you? -Madam decides on who gets in.

Okay.

That's just a little game he plays.

He does it all the time, he's just playing.

Doze, you crazy.

-There she is. -Come.

There she is. Here we go, here we go.

Madam. She's the one who decides who gets in.

-(crowd exclaims) -What?

Oh, this is just plain wrong.

Doze, Doze! Hey, look.

If I could just talk to her for one quick second.

Madam has chosen.

But--

-(stammering) -Please.

-We should-- -"Madam's chosen."

All right. Come on, let's go. Come on.

Hey! So did y'all make it to Club Dead last night?

Man, no.

I even took Veeds with me.

Made her look Morticia Addams, for Christ's sakes.

I thought that Goth look would be a shoo-in.

Did Madam even look your way?

Hell, no.

Well, did it at least shake out

to be a little date or something?

No, she thinks I'm a bug.

Dude, she doesn't think you're a bug.

Oh yes, she does, the kind that,

you know, gets in your ear.

An earwig?

Yeah, that kind, the kind that bores a hole in your brain.

Oh, shi--

That's crazy. What did you do to her, man?

-He copped a feel. -No, no, no, no, no.

She was sending signals.

I said, "Good night, I'm tired."

Okay, see, see.

She says, "Good night, I'm tired."

But that's code. That's code for "Hey, Scott,

would you like to sleep with me?"

No, that's code for "I wanna go to sleep",

not, "Hey, come grab on my tits".

Wait, who grabbed your tits?

-Scott. -She was sending signals.

Is that sexual harassment or something?

At work it is. At home, it's just being an asshole.

Scott, you're so pathetic.

I told you, you should never have broken up with Camille.

Now, will you grab my plates, please?

Yeah.

Dude, Camille, I needed to spread my wings.

She loved you.

Here you go.

Dude, she was trying to tie me down.

All right, here's your food.

Let me know if you need anything else.

Now, let me know.

Did you sleep with any after you broke up with her?

Hey, you know.

Your right hand doesn't count, man.

Look. I had some options, but I've got some standards.

And what is that, buck naked in a heartbeat?

Dude, why you always knocking me?

Because you were set.

Camille was fine, you won the lottery with her.

Okay. Who's a supermodel?

Uh, Kate Upton. Hot, right?

Yeah.

I guarantee there's some guy somewhere,

bored as hell with her right now.

Camille was the one.

-Man: Hey, Tony. -Oh!

Hey. What you doing, man?

Yo, I'm going Club Dead, baby.

-What? -Yeah.

How the hell did you get that sorted?

I've been banging the manager for a month, man.

I've been giving her the old braggiole.

You're giving her meatballs, too?

-You know it, man, yeah. -(both laugh)

-Ah, you fuck. -Ah. This guy.

Okay, wait.

Are you serious? That's all you made?

You make, like, the most tips out of all of us.

Must be in a real funk today.

No, I know. I just can't sleep at all lately.

I'm just wiped out.

Why, have you been moonlighting somewhere else?

No.

I can barely handle my own hours as it is.

Then what is it?

You can tell me.

I've been having nightmares.

Nightmares?

What kind of nightmares?

I don't know, they're not like normal nightmares.

Like, they're real.

It's like a vision, like I'm there,

like it's really happening.

I know, it's crazy, it sounds crazy.

But it's happening night after night

and it's just, it's getting worse.

Well, have you been watching a lot of horror movies?

No. I hate horror movies.

They're about vampires.

Okay.

Maybe you should stop reading the Twilight series.

Eli, please.

I hate that shit, too.

No, but honestly, it's like they--

They start the same every time.

It's like somebody's calling my name...

"Vida,"

and I wake up to see who or what is calling me,

and I just get attacked by a vampire.

No, sorry. It's not funny.

Go on.

Like,

it's, like, it bites my neck,

and the pain is totally real.

It's like I can feel the blood, like,

draining from my body, like, I'm gonna faint.

And I-- I'm too weak to fight back and I just freeze,

and I scream and nothing comes out.

And then I just wake up.

Wow.

-That's crazy. -I know, right?

I mean, I...

I don't know what to tell you.

Except, you know,

maybe if you think you need a man's protection tonight,

you can always stay with me at my place

and bunk in my bed, you know.

I'm just saying I'm pretty strong.

Okay.