Another Excellent Day

You're not gonna jump are you?

I'm really not in the mood of saving anyone, all right?

I'm sorry?

I said, you're not gonna jump, are you?

Oh, no, no, no, I just like looking at the view.

Yeah.

It's just a misunderstanding, all right?

Do I look dumb to you?

- No, no. - Eh?

I didn't say that, no.

Oh.

So, what did you say, eh?

You calling me a liar?

I don't want any trouble, all right?

Oh, too late, pal.

You think I'm a fucking joker, eh?

No, no.

What?

Look at your face.

I mean, you're fucking tense.

Relax.

Fucking hell, people, eh?

I mean, people, they're like, you know,

on edge or something.

Oh, no thanks, it's a bit early for me.

Stay away from the nut cases, Micky,

stay away from them.

Vade Retro Crazyness.

What did you just say, eh? What?

Nothing, nothing, not, it's just

Oh, so now they're gonna say

I'm hearing voices, eh?

Yes, and they're gonna lock me up

in a mental hospital.

Please, doctor, please.

I'm not crazy.

I'm not crazy.

I just hear the voice of my imaginary friend here.

What's your name?

Ritchie.

Ah, my imaginary friend, Ritchie, Your Honor.

I didn't kill these people with a hammer.

No, he told me to.

He told me to.

Here you go, mate.

No, thanks, I shouldn't.

You what?

You're gonna say no to everything I fuckin' offer you, eh?

Fucking rude.

You wanna die, die stoned.

Look, I don't wanna die, all right?

Well, maybe you should, you know.

Because it seems like you got a really boring life.

Actually, you're right there.

I do have a pretty boring life actually.

See what I mean?

And sometimes I do wish that I could just cease

to exist, you know.

You what?

Cease to exist.

Cease to exist.

What the fuck does that mean?

It's been years.

You don't have to die, my friend,

'cause you just woke up from the dead.

Hello, I'm Bob Universe

and the story I'm about to tell you is not

a regular story.

Thing is, if you're watching this,

you're not a regular person either.

This is about the law of attraction.

How you can attract anything you want

and change your life within hours.

It all starts in a beautiful theater.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the award for the best movie ever made goes

to Ritchie Temple for his amazing film, "Apokalipstik."

Guys, I am so.

Oh, the emotion.

The award is for the worst movie ever made.

Ah!

What the hell are you doing?

I hope you're not still in bed, you lazy dog.

Just a moment, darling.

- Hurry up! - I'm coming.

Of course, Karen, you know how he is, totally immature.

Men these days, they're completely useless without us.

Oh, fuck.

What can I tell you, dear?

We did our best to raise him properly,

but he was always a dreamer.

You can't imagine the effort I had

to make for him to understand

that show business is not the real world,

that it's full of sharks

and it's not made for him at all.

Thank God you're here.

Oh, don't thank me yet.

I'm trying to get things done the right way,

but he's always forgetting and postponing

and well, you know.

Oh, totally too well.

Men these days need our guidance more than babies.

Yes, but don't worry, I get I.

Are you coming or what?

You're gonna make me late, always the same.

I'm sorry, I was just,

I got this new idea.

Oh, yeah, you and your ideas,

your movies, your scripts.

Did you even think about what we said last week?

The ring, the flowers, the dress.

I've been talking to your mother every day about it.

The wedding, Richard.

Yes, well, but of course.

You don't give a shit about me, do you?

Hey, I do care about you, honey bunches.

It's just that I'm

Lazy, ungrateful, always in your imaginary world, ha.

Come on, that's not fair. I am trying.

Try harder.

Look, I've got to go to work now, I'll be late.

And you should hurry, too. Muah.

Karen.

Karen, I've got it.

Doves, fly out to the Cape, yes.

Another excellent day.

Yeah, but I mean, what is the point

of making a movie about a man making a movie

about a man making a movie?

Well, Micky, it reflects the abyss

of the human condition.

You know what?

You need a shagg, mate.

Yeah.

I do.

Ah.

You know, I never, never, ever, never, ever

had a friend like you before, you know?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Of course.

I'm unique, mate.

Yeah, well, I've had a really shitty life

it turned out.

But something tells me

that all that is about to change

and I am gonna wake up in a brand new life.

Where were you?

What did you do?

Do you think you can just come and go as you please?

Your boss called.

You didn't go to work.

Where were you!

I was out with a friend.

What's her name?

Micky.

Is she pretty?

No, Peggy, it's a guy.

A friend I met, that's all.

Yeah, right.

You skip work, you stay out, you don't even call.

You smell like a drunk.

You're gonna explain yourself, Richard,

and you better be convincing.

I have to go now.

You be careful, Richard.

This girl's very nice, now don't mess it up.

Mom?

Is that you?

Well, of course it's me.

Who did you think it was?

You're acting like a child.

This girl is a diamond, son.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I have to hang up now, Mom.

Got stuff to do.

I'm not finished yet.

Bye, Mom.

Don't you dare hang up.

I'm in trouble, Jose.

Big trouble.

See, I don't think that I love her.

I mean, my reason tells me to just go along

with everything, but my feelings aren't that clear.

See, I'm not sure that I wanna spend

the rest of my life with Peggy.

I mean, it's not that I don't love her because, you know,

sometimes it's nice.

But she has this way of pushing my buttons, you know.

I met this guy, Micky.

He's, uh, God, how can I describe Micky?

He's like an electric shock.

I mean, he's incredible.

I mean, he's like a character from a movie.

I've never met anyone like him before.

He is fearless, he is totally free.

Christ, compared to him I feel like

I'm a bloody, crippled turtle.

I mean, he rocks.

He flies.