Coming to America

Good morning, Your Highness.

Good morning, Your Highness.

Good morning, Your Highness.

Happy birthday, Your Highness.

Yes, it is my birthday.

Oha, it is my 21st birthday.

Do you think perhaps, just once, I might use the bathroom by myself?

Most amusing, sir.

Wipers!

The royal penis is clean, Your Highness.

His Highness must be very excited today.

Why is that, Oha?

Today is your 21st birthday, which means you meet your wife-to-be.

Well, I'm curious, but how can a man get excited about a woman he's never seen?

He certainly is quiet this morning.

He looks sad.

Is something troubling you, my son?

No, Father.

Son, please.

I'm more than the exalted ruler of this land

and the master of all I survey.

I'm also a concerned dad.

Well, Father...

Just a moment.

What is he doing?

It looks as if he's coming here to talk to us.

Wait right there, Akeem!

Rose bearers!

Akeem, come sit.

Now, my son...

You've grown a mustache.

Jaffe, it has been a year.

So, what is it, my son?

Well, Father, first of all, it is things like this.

Like what?

The rose petals.

What is the matter, dear? You're the son of a king.

Why should you not walk on the petals of roses?

But, Mother, if there were no rose petals, I would still be the son of a king.

Then it is settled.

From this day forth,

anyone who throws roses at my son's feet will answer to me.

Father, it is not just that. It's everything.

The cooking, the pampering, the-- the dressing, the bathing.

Actually, I rather enjoy the bathing, but just for once,

I'd like to cook for myself, and take care of myself,

dress myself, wipe my own backside.

And why? Why can't I find my own wife?

Aha, so that's it.

We have gone to a great deal of trouble to select for you a very fine wife.

Since the day she was born,

she was taught to walk and speak and think as a queen.

But, Father, what if I do not love her?

It is normal to feel anxiety about meeting your queen.

When first I met your father, I was terrified.

I must admit, I was frightened too.

I was so nervous I became nauseous,

but over the years, I have grown to love your father very much.

So you see, my son,

there is a fine line between love and nausea.

I understand, Father, but when I marry, I want the woman to love me for who I am,

not because of what I am.

And who are you?

I am a man who has never tied his own shoes before.

Wrong. You are a prince who has never tied his shoes.

Believe me, I tied my own shoes once.

It is an overrated experience.

Good morning, Your Majesty. It is another beautiful day in Zamunda.

And, Semmi, what is it now?

You look especially radiant today, Your Grace.

Is that so, Semmi?

Yes! I was remarking to my mother the other day

what lovely skin the Queen has.

Semmi, do you not have somewhere you should go?

Yes. I was just about to take the birthday boy for his daily workout.

Excuse me, Father, and Mother.

- Have a good day, my son. - Yes.

Akeem, what happened to the rose bearers?

Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.

So you say can have a woman who'll obey your every command,

but you'd rather have a woman who has an opinion?

Only dogs are to obey.

If you love your wife, you will value her opinion.

Hippopotamus shit! You're the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

Your wife need only have a pretty face, a firm backside,

and big breasts like casaba melons.

So you would share your bed and your fortune with a beautiful fool?

That it is the way it has always been with men of power.

It is tradition.

It is also tradition that times must, and always do, change, my friend.

Get your royal engagement T-shirt! Royal engagement T-shirt!

Step forth! Get your royal engagement T-shirt!

These really are delicious.

Yes, thank you.

Here, try our vintage.

Your Majesty.

I am Colonel Izzi...

and today, with your blessing, I offer my daughter to your son.

My blessing is granted.

Let the courtship commence.

Pardon me. Step aside, please.

Coming through. Excuse me! Out of the way!

Greetings, great Prince. Presenting Miss Imani Izzi.

May I talk to you alone for a moment, please?

Excuse us for a moment.

So...

Am I not all you dreamed I would be?

Oh, you're fine. Beautiful.

It's just that if we're going to be married,

I thought we should talk to each other, get to know each other.

Ever since I was born, I've been trained to serve you.

Yes, I know this. I would like to know about you.

What do you like to do?

Whatever you like.

What kind of music do you like?

Whatever kind of music you like.

Look, I know what I like,

and I know you know what I like

because you are trained to know what I like.

But I would like to know what you like. For instance, do you have a favorite food?

- Yes. - Good! What is your favorite food?

Whatever food you like.

This is impossible.

Listen, from this moment on, I command you not to obey me.

No.

Are you saying that no matter what I tell you to do, you will do?

Yes, Your Highness.

- Anything I say, you'll do? - Yes, Your Highness.

Bark like a dog.

A big dog.

Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!

- Woof! Woof! - Hop on one leg.

Make a noise like an orangutan.

Ah! I see the two of you are getting along.

Excuse me, Imani, for a moment.

Fine girl, isn't she? I told you not to worry.

Father.

About this wedding...

The guests are waiting, Your Majesty.

Let them wait! I'm talking to my son.

Come, let's go for a stroll.

Hello, Barbar.

Time does fly fast, my son.

It seems only yesterday I ordered your first diaper changed,

and now you're a man who's about to be married.

She will give you much pleasure, don't you think?

I am not sure if I am ready.

Son, I know we never had a talk about this,

but I always assumed you had sex with your bathers.

I know I do.

It's not that, Father.

It's just that I'm 21 years old, and I have never left Zamunda.

I have yet to experience what the outside world has to offer.

Ah. So you want to sow your royal oats.

No, it's not that--

You're right! Get out, see the world,

enjoy yourself, fulfill every erotic desire.

And in 40 days, you will come back and marry Imani.

But, Father--

It is settled.

May I have your attention, please?

The wedding will proceed in 40 days. You may go home now. Good night.

Oha, prepare the royal baggage. My son is going on a trip.

Prepare the royal baggage!

This trip is an excellent idea. Forty days of fornication.

Semmi...

I have something else in mind. Tell no one of this.

I intend to find my bride.

What is wrong with the one you have now?

When you saw her,

tell me you did not you want to rip her clothes off right then and there?

I want a woman that's going to arouse my intellect as well as my loins.

Where will you find such a woman?

In America.

The land is so big. The choice is so infinite.

Where shall we go, Los Angeles or New York?

We will let fate decide.

Heads, New York. Tails, Los Angeles.

We go to New York.

Where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture?

A woman suitable for a king.

Queens.

Mr. Frank Oznowilz, please pick up a white courtesy telephone.

Remember, Semmi, no one here can know I am royalty.

We must appear to be no different than the average man.

I will not say a word.

British Airways flight 929 to London

is now boarding at gate 15.

Halt!

You dumb fuck!

Take us to Queens at once.

Are you sure you guys want to go to Queens?

A couple of rich fellows like you should be in Manhattan,

staying at the Waldorf or The Palace.

The Palace sounds good. Take us there.

No. I want Queens. And we're not rich. We're ordinary African students.

Whatever you say, pal.

What part of Queens you want?

Take us to the most common part.

That's easy.