18 Fingers of Death!

My name is Deadly Thug Number One.

Yeah, they call me Deadly Thug Number Two.

You can run, but you can't hide,

Cho San Wan.

Say hello to my little friends,

- Deadly Thug Number Four and Deadly Thug Number Five.

There are only four deadly thugs.

Uh, Deadly Thug Number Three is at home.

He's got the runs.

And... Never mind.

The big boss has a message for you.

You'll never compete in the pay per view,

- world secret, illegal, underground, super-duper,

- fight-to-the-death tournaments, held only once-

- every hundred years on Han's private island.

La ultima fighting championships this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

All I want is a chance to prove myself.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

First you must defeat us.

Let's get ready...

All right boys, line up.

Oh, no.

Get in there.

Did not hurt.

Did not hurt.

Okay, that hurt.

Chinese to go.

That's going to leave a mark.

Bling! Bling!

Man, my man was just working it.

This is Ronald Mack, and I know great kung fu-

when I see it.

Look, I'm the biggest fan of Buford Lee.

And when I say big, I mean large.

Check it out, I've seen every movie he's made-

at least once.

It's been my lifelong dream to pay tribute to this man.

That's why we're here today,

is to shoot this documentary here.

Hey, because after making, what, 803 movies,

- this is about to be his biggest breakout film ever:

18 Fingers of Death.

Yeah, I know, I ain't never shot anything before-

- or even gone to film school for that matter.

But I got myself this video camera here for graduation.

Yeah, well, you got that right.

'Cause I have a dream.

And like my mama always said, "Don't go to church-

without bringing your friend Faith."

Dang, look at me; I'm just talking.

I got my man sitting right over here.

Look, he just finished up this big fight scene rehearsal-

in preparation for his new movie.

Look. Huh?

Yeah, he's here!

He is in the house!

Look, it's my man, my mellow, my ace...

Master, the number one stunner, Buford Lee!

Malik, not on me, man.

The camera's supposed to be over here.

Okay, man, I got it. I got it.

Hy-yah.

Thank you, Ronald.

Please, call me Buford.

I hope you enjoy the documentary.

It is my honor and my...

My, my, my!

Whoo-ee! Ha-hah!

Homemade sweet potato pie, fresh out of Mama Mack's oven.

Mama, we're shooting right now.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, baby boy.

Why don't you and Bradford take a break-

and have some fresh pie?

Here's your chopsticks, baby.

Malik, you can stop the camera now, all right?

Yo, Hollywood player, you 'posed to say "out."

Okay, Malik, cut that shit off.

Mama.

Ronald, don't use that kind of language.

And you have to go pick up your baby brother from school-

right now.

Uh!

Yo, Buford, man, we've got to do this tomorrow.

Hey, yo, Ron, I got band practice tomorrow.

Mmm.

This is so good, Mama Mack.

Oh, Buddy, baby, call me "Mama."

Say, Ron, where's the off button?

Malik, it's that big button that says, "off,"

on the right hand side.

I heard that to make a documentary,

you need to have some interviews.

So I thought I would start with these dudes.

They're the only two members-

- of the official Buford Lee Fan Club.

Oh, I just love Buford Lee.

He is so amazing with his kung fu.

And he's the only action star who does his own stunts-

and his own hair.

When I see Buford in action, I feel so powerful.

He make me believe I can do anything.

It would be so cool to be an action star.

Oh, and get chicks.

You go, boy.

I mean, Quincy Tarantula and Courton Joy-

in our own action movie?

Oh, Courton, here is Buford's 49th Hong Kong movie,

The Legend of Young Dragon.

It was released in U.S. with title:

Buford is, like, the best of the best.

The hero of heroes.

The king of kings.

The queen of queens.

Buford is always too cool and in complete control.

It's as if he has no fear.

Yeah, Bu.

Come right up to the edge.

This is going to be some great publicity for you.

Are we rolling?

Yeah, action, Sushi.

Hi; Sushi Cue, Vice President of Marketing-

- for the largest fortune cookie company in the world,

Honorable Fortune Cookies.

Our founder, Jerry Spielstein,

- is called The Fortune Cookie King.

We are here today on the rooftop-

- of our spectacular corporate offices and bakery.

And we are so honored and thrilled to have with us-

- the one and only, martial arts movie star, Buttford Lee.

Buttford is going to do a fund-raising stunt-

off the roof of our building,

for the Kids Will Be Kids Foundation.

Now, as we wait for your stunt team below-

- to finish setting up the safety air bag,

- I would love to ask you a few questions.

Hi... hi... hi, Sushi.

It's a perfect day to jump.

It is a lovely day to jump.

I have to tell you I am so thrilled to be here-

with you today, first of all.

And I admire your constant involvement-

with helping children.

You... it's so noble of you, and you certainly deserve-

a pat on the back...

Dang! Oh, he's okay.

Hey, Buford, look out!

I found a home movie of kid Buford-

just Whooping some ass!

Check out what his mom and dad had to say.

Our son was always practicing.

We always knew...

...Buford could be a big kung fu movie star.

When Mr. Lee was growing up,

that's What he always wanted to be.

So we do everything possible to give our son that chance.

You can say we have a dream.

So, Mr. Lee, What do you think?

Oh, for our son to be just like-

- the greatest martial arts movie star,

our hero, Bruce Lee.

Oh, it was said that the greatest martial arts legend,

- Master Bruce Lee, was a second cousin-

- of the third brother of the father of my husband's-

best friend.

You know, Buford broke this when he was only one year old.

Check this out.

My cousin works security,

- hooked me up with this Whole ordeal right here.

We're on a movie set.

Watch, come here, check th...

Excuse me, sweetheart, can I talk to you for a minute?

How you doin'?

Ronald Mack, director.

You would be fly in my movie.

I would do anything to be in your movie.

For real?

Hey, yo, Ron, there he is, man.

Look, give Malik your number, okay?

I'll call you. Go ahead on.

What's up, Jackie Chong?

What's up, man?

You're the world's biggest movie star, brother.

You're large; You're super large; You're crazy large, man.

Sock me in the neck or something.

Do something, a kick, or pow, wow.

Hey, and I sing too.

I sing too.

Hey, aren't you Chris Tucker's brother?

Say what?

Jackie, check this out.

What do you think about Buford Lee?

Would you like to be in his next movie?

Buford who?

Hey, I gotta go.

I'll see you on set, huh?

That's a bad watch, Jackie.

Listen, hey, brothers, can we get a hug?