American Dad!

Stan, a new gym opened up on Oak Road.

They're offering a free one-week trial!

They have a pool, all-new equipment,

and a "designated area for old men to blow-dry their balls."

You had me at old men's balls.

That was the last thing I said.

And the best!

I can't wait to commit to a new healthy lifestyle.

What? You never commit to anything.

You're a dabbler, Mom.

Yeah, I'm a dabbler.

And now I'm thinking about dabbling in committing.

You know, when a gym's trying to get you to sign up,

they'll do anything to keep you happy.

But once you join, you're just some guy paying 60 bucks a month

to have a place to stop and take dumps on the way home from work.

So that's why you never go at home.

I was beginning to think you were a "Westworld."

Aah!

I love gym towels.

Each one is the perfect size to dry one limb.

I'm gonna make a ton of towel swans.

Sir! You have to pay for those Muscle Milks!

Doin' the free trial, my man!

Hey...

That's enough of that!

Where do they go?

Before the invention of the high-five,

man searched in vain

for a satisfying way to celebrate victory.

Everything changed in 1977,

with the first-ever recorded high-five.

Oh, the high-five.

Not to toot my own horn but... I invented that.

...invented by Glenn Burke and Dusty Baker.

What?!

Glenn and I were at Dodger Stadium

and we stumbled upon this perfect hand thing

that changed the world.

Lies! I invented the high-five

after passing my drug test at the 1974 Junior Olympics!

Not according to this IFC documentary.

IFC?! IFC are liars!

Don't call yourself the Independent Film Channel

and then air "A Very Brady Sequel"!

Hang on, Klaus. What are you angry about?

IFC or the high-five thing?

Ohhh, the high-five!

I invented that!

Not according to IFC.

Ohhh, don't get me started on IFC!

So, what are you gonna do today?

Probably cool down at the pool,

release some towel swans, wonder where they go.

If you want results, you got to stick to your routine.

Whoops!

Your free trial is over.

Let's just sign you up for paid membership, get you in there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

Let me just get my credit card out of my pocket...

You were right to add HBO Latino, Jeff.

"Schindler's List" is much less sad when it's in Spanish.

Uno mas! Uno mas muchacho!

Just because I don't want to go to the gym

doesn't mean you can't.

But I was really liking going together.

Guess I can't go at all. Uch, so unfair!

Wait a second, are you using me as an excuse

to stop going to the gym?

- That's ridiculous. - Is it, Mom?

It kind of sounds like ceramics class all over again.

I only quit that class because

your dad couldn't get hard if my hands smelled like clay!

O... kay. How about when you were gonna learn Spanish,

but then you quit because your kids only speak English

and you wanted to be able to understand them?

I wanted to communicate with my kids.

Take me away, officer!

Yeah, I was pretty bummed

when you quit writing your one-woman show, Mrs. S.

I told you, I haven't lived the ending yet.

That just seems like another excuse.

You know, Mom, it sounds like Dad has a good point.

It is a good point.

Steve said it, too! Hear that, hon?

I made a good point about you being a quitter!

Me! Stan Smith! Good point guy!

Come on, kids! I say "good," you say "point"! Good!

Point! Good! Point!

Good! Point!

Point! What?

Good! Point! Oh! Point!

Good point.

Fans, please welcome

the beloved inventor of the high-five,

toothpick enthusiast Dusty Baker!

Wow!

I am so blessed to see

how the world's embraced my little iconic gesture...

Liar!

Liar!

I invented the high-five!

Whoops, sounds like someone had a little too much to drink.

Please! How can anyone get drunk paying $14 a beer?

It's half my disability check just to catch a buzz!

I'm sorry, are you mad about the price of beer

or the origin of the high-five?

Ohhh, the high-five!

I invented that!

It's okay, folks!

The high-five is such a natural expression of joy

that people want to claim ownership, but truly...

it belongs to all of us.

Listen, you seem like a good guy.

Why don't I have you over for a drink, sort this all out?

Buddy, I don't drink, I get wasted!

Yeah-ha!

I'ma piss on your futon! Sigma Chi!

Jacket material?

Satin's always in style.

Lining?

Satin's always popular.

Font?

Obviously "Laverne & Shirley" shadow bold.

And order.

Three weeks?!

Well, I'll just stay busy.

- Dad? - Can't you see I'm busy?!

Every time!

I don't see any need

to bring insurance companies into this.

Francine! What's wrong with you?

Did my good point crush your spirit?

You're making me feel terrible about my new jacket.

Check it out, oh, yeah!

"Good point gay"?

What?!

Are you kidding me?! Really?!

What time is it?

I got to get back to the gym.

But you quit the gym.

I wrote a whole jacket about it.

Ooaaaah!

B-b-b-oner from body!

Body give boner!

Beautiful body give baby boner!

Oh, mommy!

Ooaaaah!

- Stan... - Ooaaaah!

Okay. Explain.

Well, as much as it hurt, you did have a good point.

I tend to quit things, and I want to change that.

So I decided to stick with the gym.

And my trainer, Jackie, has been helping me push past my limits.

Are you even listening to me?

Yeah, yeah, you said,

"Lackie, bleen be mush mast your glinglets."

Now let's screw!

That was so powerful, Francine.

So special.

I trust it put an end to those nasty rumors

my jacket's been spreading.

What are you doing?

I'm heading back to the gym.

No, but stay here, though.

Stan, I have to go. It's a leg day.

I called the gym and they said it's a bed day.

Honey.

Human blanket!

Don't go. You can bwame bwanket.

Stan, I promised myself.

I can't miss my workouts.

That was a hot slam, Francine!

Hey, Steve, what's up?

Your mom just gave me a hot slam.

Did you feel the house move?

I'm just trying to walk down the hall.

Everything's gold.

That classy sonuvabitch.

Klaus! The fish from the game!

Thank you so much for coming to my home.

Now, listen here, Dusty...

Toothpick for your lamb?

Everything tastes better with just a hint of tree.

Who cares?!

I want to talk about the high-five.

I invented it. Not you. Are we clear?

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

It's like Tina Turner said to me...

Stop!

You know Tina Turner?

She's a dear, dear friend.

Tell me right now... did you smush her?

Klaus, a gentleman never tells.

But I will say, if I "high-fived" her in an elevator,

Who is this?

What is that?

Where was that there?! Francine!

Roger, who the hell parked their van in the driveway?

Oh, that's Jackie. Francine's gym friend.