Switch

Hello.

Mr. Brooks, there's a Margo Brofman on the phone for you.

- Oh, yeah? Put her through. - Okay.

- Hello? - Hey, Margo!

I'm giving a surprise party Sunday night. Can you come?

Who're you gonna surprise?

You.

- Who else is coming? - Just Felicia and Liz.

Oh, yeah?

- What's the occasion? - That's the surprise.

- Hey, Mac. - Nice-looking threads.

- Can I take some roses? - Help yourself.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Come in, Steve.

Looking good, slick.

- Felicia. - Hello, Steve.

Thank you.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

And Liz.

- Hi, Steve. - Hi.

Hey, Margo. Come on in.

Unbelievable!

Looking good there.

Sexy!

Unbelievable!

Slick, you are something else!

Come on, Margo. It's my turn.

Oh, yes.

I don't believe this.

I'm sitting here with three beautiful women who said they hated me.

- I gotta be dreaming. - We still hate you.

We decided you should be punished for the way you treat women.

Oh, yeah.

Men like you just have to be stopped.

How're you gonna stop me?

We're going to kill you.

What a way to die.

Oh, God.

We did it.

We still gotta get him out of the hot tub and down to the river.

- I don't think I can. - You have to!

We can't do it without you.

You bitches.

Where am I?

Purgatory.

- Where's that? - Between heaven and hell.

What happens now?

On one hand, you've earned enough credits to get you into heaven.

- Thank God. - You're welcome.

On the other hand, you've been so rotten to women,

you deserve to go straight to hell.

That's pretty rotten.

Perfect record. They all hate you.

- All of them? - As far as I know.

You should know, but...

it's kinda hard for me to believe there aren't a couple of women...

Right now I'll settle for one.

So I've decided that you should go back...

and find one female who truly likes Steve Brooks.

If you find her, you go to heaven.

If you don't, you'll spend eternity in hell.

Back?

Unless you have a better suggestion.

No, no.

Back's fine. Back's terrific.

Good morning. It's Ross Britain. It's 8 a.m. in the Big Apple.

Here's Keith Slaughter and the Butchers

playing what Jerry Falwell describes as the devil's music.

Excuse me.

- Yes? - I wish to lodge a complaint.

What is it this time?

I have as much right to Steve Brooks' soul as you do.

That's why I sent him back.

If he can't find one female who likes him, then his soul is yours.

That's not a fair test.

He'll pick some helpless...

unsuspecting female...

pretend to be everything he's not.

In the end she'll adore him.

And you'll be honour-bound to admit...

an unregenerate debaucher into heaven.

What do you suggest?

Teach him a lesson, and at the same time

make it impossible for him to work his macho machinations

on any more unsuspecting females.

And how do I do that?

Easy.

Make him a woman.

Security.

Okay, Mrs. Wetherspoon.

I'll take care of it right away.

Some woman's screaming her head off in Brooks' apartment.

Again?

She didn't sound like the others.

It was bloodcurdling.

Mr. Brooks?

Mr. Brooks?

- You want I should call SWAT? - No.

Mr. Brooks?

Anybody here?

Are you sure you don't need a backup?

Mr. Brooks!

It's Mac!

Mr. Brooks?

Hey, lady. Miss?

I'm up! I'm up! What time is it?

Mac!

You okay?

- What the hell happened? - Easy.

Looks like you fainted or something.

I guess I must have fainted or something.

Oh, yeah.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

- Where's Mr. Brooks? - Where's Mr. Brooks?

- Who are you? - Where's Mr. Brooks?

Who am I?

Who am I?

How'd you get in here?

How do you know my name? I never passed you through.

- Al was on duty. - He didn't tell me.

You sign in?

I don't remember.

All guest are required to sign the register.

You couldn't have gotten in unless Mr. Brooks said it was okay

and you signed that register.

Mr. Brooks must have said it was okay and I must have signed, right?

Because here I am!

Here I am! Here I fucking am!

- I'm not feeling too well. - Want me to call a doctor?

No.

No, no.

It's okay, it's okay.

You know, I just... I kinda...

I keeled over there 'cause I got some bad news...

but I'm gonna shower, shave.

I'm gonna pull myself together here.

You know how it is, Mac. You get up on the wrong side of the bed.

- You haven't brushed you teeth. - When will Mr. Brooks come back?

Not for a very long time.

- Really? - Yeah. He, uh...

You see, he told me that he was going away.

- He's gone away. - Yeah.

And he asked me to take care of his apartment.

- You're taking care... - Yeah. Because...

- Because we're sisters. - Sisters?

I'm the sister. I mean, I'm his half-sister.

We have different mothers, but he gave me his key,

showed me how everything works,

so I'm gonna be fine, just fine.

Okay, yeah.

- Thanks a lot. - Sure.

How you doing there, Mrs. Wetherspoon?

Un-fucking-believable.

- Hello? - Hello.

Hey, Walter. How you doin', buddy?

Who's this?

Who is this?

Who is this?

Okay, look, Walter. I'm gonna try something here.

I'm a woman.

Yeah?

It's me, Walter. I'm a woman.

Is this Connie?

No, it isn't Connie. It's me.

Okay. Forget it. I'm a man.

I'm Amanda. I'm Steve's sister.

Wait till you get a load of me.

Steve doesn't have a sister. Can I talk to Steve, please?

You are... I mean, you can't.

It's after 10:00. Steve hasn't shown up for work.

Look, it's really complicated.

Why don't you meet me for lunch and I'll explain it to you.

Steve would have told me if he had a sister.

No, he wouldn't.

I'll meet you at the City Grille at 1:00.

Wait, wait! How I'm gonna know it's you?

You can't miss me, pal.

I'm blonde, about 5'7".

Built like a brick shithouse.

Desk.

Yes, Mr. Reed.

Hold on a second.

- That's the broad. - I never passed her by here.

- You let her in? - No, I didn't. She told me you...

- Morning, May. - Wait a minute.

- She still in the sack? - Wait a minute. You can't go up there!

- I'd love a cup of coffee. - Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman! Mrs. Brofman!

Mrs. Brofman, open the door!

Mrs. Brofman, open the door!

What, Mae?

What? What?

- Who are you? Get out! - Are you all right?

Mae, call the police!