Hancock

[J. GEILS BAND'S "WHAMMER JAMMER" PLAYING]

All units, all units. Code 3 pursuit of 2-11.

White SUV heading east on Alameda service road.

Suspects: three Asian males. Request backup immediately.

Be advised. Shots fired, shots fired.

Cheryl, can you see how many suspects are in this car?

As far as I can see at this point, there are three sue...

Oh, this is just coming in.

Hancock!

What, boy?

Bad guys.

... trying to cut them off. You can see them there.

They have their hands outside the white SUV,

shooting randomly on the freeway.

What, you want a cookie? Get out of my face.

Asshole.

What? You heard me.

Please, stay off the freeway.

I understand that there are three suspects in the white SUV...

Asshole.

Watch out!

Damn!

Damn it!

Hancock!?!

Beat it, 'Soulja Boy!'

Hancock is in the car

and he appears to be negotiating with the gunmen.

He smells like a bar!

You pay for new roof!

Fellas, hey. I don't give a shit what you did. I don't care.

Three guys in the car,

no girls, rave music.

Hey, I'm not gonna judge.

But if you don't pull over and give yourselves up quietly,

I swear to Christ, your head is going up the driver's ass.

His head is going up your ass. And you drew the short stick,

because your head is going up my ass.

Shoot this asshole!

Stop!

What the F°A>Q#K??

[MARK "THE 45 KING" JAMES' "THE 900 #" PLAYING]

The department is on their way. There's just chaos here on the 105.

What? I'm not Japanese, man!

Put us down!

Oh, now you "speaky Engly," huh? "Speaky Engly" now?

You broke my glasses.

I'm sorry! Take my Ray-Bans!

Put us down! Huh? You want down?

Yes, please! Please! Help me!

I'm real good at down. I'm real good at down.

All right? All right.

This, Hancock's latest act of so-called heroics,

took a hefty financial toll.

Initial damage estimates are said to top $9 million, which, if accurate,

represents a personal record

for the notoriously publicity-shy Hancock,

who, as usual, can't be reached for comment.

With all the cracks to the concrete, with all the bullets, the water damage, fires,

L.A. would be a lot better off if this guy would just leave and let us get on with our jobs.

He has never asked me for a badge and he has never worked with us in any capacity whatsoever. Zero.

I don't mind if he'd just do it somewhere else. New York, maybe.

Let them suffer with him for a while.

What the hell's the crane doing there?

Move the... The crane's not gonna help, idiot!

How are we supposed to get this down?

I will break my foot off in your ass, woman.

This Hancock guy is surely on some kind of mission.

And he's using our city to beat himself up for reasons known only to him.

We'll have live shots later from Chopper 1

for the removal of the SUV from the landmark needle.

Sir? Ray Embrey.

Ray. Pleasure.

So... Ray's like the Bono of P.R.

Well, actually I think Bono is the Bono of P.R., but I do try.

Well, let's see it.

Okay. I'll get right into it. Good morning, everyone.

I'm, um, here to talk to you about charitable giving.

Okay? And we all know the way that works.

You give one, maybe two percent of your net cash,

and you get an armband, or a wristband, or a ribbon

or whatever it is. It's nowhere near enough.

And that's why we at Embrey Publicity would like to offer you

the AllHeart symbol.

Now, you would be among a very select group of corporate giants

to bear this logo on your product.

And what this would say to the public

is that your company, Pharmatopsis,

has made a radical contribution to helping our world.

And here's all you need to do to qualify.

Your new TB drug, Mycodin?

We would like for you to give that product away for free.

- Did you say "free"? I did.

Only to those who really need it.

Only to those who without it would otherwise die.

As a concept, free is kind of up there with, you know, lethal side effects.

Mandatory product recall.

Get indicted, go to jail.

Get out, work at IHOP for the rest of your career.

Understandable reaction. It's a radical concept.

But it is the brand that represents a fairer and better world.

The brand

that everyone is talking about.

Who is "everyone"?

We do already have a sports franchise.

NFL? NBA? MLB?

Soccer. MLS? Which team?

Well, it's a local team. Encino Hurricanes.

It's my son's team.

Anyway, we can save the world.

All right? Someone's just gotta go first.

What do you say?

Are you a crackpot?

Hey, hon. You're probably at the store. I am on my way.

I think I made a connection.

Not really.

Listen, tell Aaron that I'm coming and I... Damn it.

And I want some meatballs, okay? I need some Spaghetti Madness. I'll see you in about 20 minutes.

- -

Hey! What is it, National Horn Day?

Idiot.

Hey.

Hey. Hey!

Move it. There's a train coming.

Do you not hear that horn?

Let's go! I got a train!

Move it!

Back your car up! There's a train! I can't go anywhere. Get out!

Son of a bitch!

Fix the handle, Ray. Fix the handle.

Get out!

Get off the track! Move!

Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Let's get him out. Get him out of there.

Somebody help him. You all right?

Please, that guy's still in there.

You sure?

Get him out of there!

Will you look at that?

Ah, Shit.

I'm all right. I'm okay.

All of you people blocking the intersection,

you're all idiots.

You're the one that threw the dude's car at her. And what's with the train?

Why didn't you just go straight up in the air with the car?

You've obviously injured that poor woman.

She's right. She should sue you.

Yeah, she should sue you.

Okay. Well, you should sue McDonald's because they fucked you up.

You're an asshole.

And I can smell that liquor on your breath.

- Because I've been drinking, bitch. You're a drunk asshole!

You think you're such a hero.

Asshole!

You're nothing but an asshole.

We don't need you in this city.

Some superhero you are! Fly off!

Shut up!

Don't you people understand? I'm alive.

I get to go home and see my family. I should be dead right now, right here.

Yeah, he could've gone straight up. Obviously, you should've gone straight up.

You know, and I was upside down for the train, but, uh...

No. Thank you.

Thank you very much, Hancock. Thank you.

Thank you, Hancock.

You're not flying by the Valley, are you?

Throw the ball!

Monte, one guy'll line up here, all right? Hike the ball.

This guy'll be right here and he says, "Hut!"

This guy'll drop back. Hut! Drop back. Chuck it.

Great. Thank you.

Nice aim. The driveway would've been better, but...

What's going on, Dad? Hey, buddy.

Daddy's had a little bit of a day. Look at you, huh?

I want you to meet somebody.

This guy here, dragging Daddy's car into the driveway.

Who's this? Hancock.

That's right. Hancock, this is my boy, Aaron.

Ray, what happened to the car?

Oh, boy. You would not have believed it.

I came this close to getting hit by a train. If it wasn't for that guy...

He saved my life. I mean... Hancock, this is my wife, Mary.

You believe that, pal? I almost kissed a train today.

Saw my whole life flash before my eyes.

He saved your life? He sure did. Thank you.

- Hey, you good? I am good, yeah.