The Middle

Out here in the middle,

fall means a lot of things... Crunchy leaves, hayrides,

and, most importantly, Homecoming.

It's the one day of the year

the whole town stops watching football inside

and starts watching it outside.

And this year promised to be extra special.

Axl made varsity. How 'bout this kid?

Oh, my gosh. Axl! Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Uh, gross. You know the rules. Christmas and birthdays only.

- Fine. I'll hug your dad. - Still gross.

Truth is, I wasn't just happy for Axl.

You see, when your son's on varsity,

you get to escort him onto the field

before the big Homecoming game,

and it makes all the other crap you go through worthwhile,

'cause no matter how smart-mouthy and horrible

your kid is every other day of the year,

for one shining moment you've got everyone watching you,

wondering... "What did she do right?"

And you're the only one who knows.

Nothing.

Look, just try not to embarrass me, okay?

Yep, warm mother-son moments with Axl

were few and far between these days,

and I was sure as hell gonna enjoy this one.

Okay. I need your vote.

Which one should I wear to Homecoming?

Which one's cheaper?

Mike, this is Homecoming. I'm not gonna worry about money.

I'll tuck the price tag in and return it the next day. Thattagirl.

I can't tell. Until it's filled up, it's just clothes.

Besides, it's not gonna matter what you decide to wear anyway,

'cause all eyes are gonna be on this. Oh, is that right?

'Fraid so. Well, it may be competing with cleavage, so good luck.

Mm. Oh, look at that. I gotta get somebody

out there with a rake. Well, Axl's at football, and Sue's at cross-country.

Oh, but I heard Molly Donahue has

a little leaf-raking business going. Why would I pay someone else's kid

when I got a perfectly good free one over there,

sitting under our roof, eating our food, using our last name? Have you met Brick?

He's not ready for leaf-raking. He can't even blow his nose.

No. You're... You're sucking in.

Out. Out. Blow out. No. Wait. Close your mouth.

Gotta get some pressure going there. Ooh.

This is nuts.

When I was 8, my dad had me drivin' a tractor,

tarrin' a roof, trimmin' a tree with a chainsaw.

And remember, we were gonna try and do better.

I'm just sayin', Brick's been playing the baby card

for a little too long.

Chores are part of being a man.

Brick, congratulations. You've been called up.

You're going to the show. Because I don't know what that means,

I'm gonna assume it's some kind of sports expression.

I got a job for you, son. I want you to go out there

and rake all the leaves in the backyard. Oh... I don't think I'm ready for leaf-raking,

but thanks for your confidence.

Confidence.

Come on. Let's go.

All right. Rake works better if you flip it around.

There ya go. He's got it.

Look what I got at practice today...

My cross-country phone tree, my cross-country schedule,

and my cross-country sportsmanship agreement,

which I have to sign and return.

Wow. There's so many papers to sign when you're on a sport.

You just stick that schedule up on the cupboard, girl.

I finally have something to put on the cupboard

besides my braces tightening schedule.

I guess I'll just have to move Axl's football schedule over.

After all,

we do have two athletes in the family now.

First meet is on the 2nd.

How can Sue's first meet be on the same day as Homecoming?

What kind of team schedules something

the same day as Homecoming? It doesn't make any sense.

Right? I mean, come on. Axl finally makes varsity.

Sue finally makes... Anything!

And they're both at the same time?

Why does the universe do this to us?

The universe took a look at all this

and had to take us down a peg.

Yeah, well...

We got two events, two parents.

We'll just have to divide and conquer, I guess.

Ugh. All right. I'll take football.

Wh... No way. Why do you get football?

I'm a guy. Oh, come on. Cross-country's a sport, too.

Is it? They run into the woods and come out two hours later.

Lost dogs do the same thing.

I want Homecoming! It's a huge deal.

I bought a new dress and everything.

Well, technically you didn't.

Oh, no way, Mike. No way. Let's shoot for it.

- Rock, paper, scissors. Come on. Rock... - I'm not gonna shoot you for it.

Rock, paper, scissors. Ready?

- Rock, paper, scissors. Come... Wrong. Rock, paper, scissors. - No. All right. Hold on.

Come on. We're being silly. Homecoming is the bigger deal.

We're expected to walk Axl out on the field.

We have a job. That's our job.

Sue has a whole season of meets we can go to. She'll be fine.

And it's her first meet. I don't want to miss her first meet.

Well, then I guess we have our answer.

No, we do not have our answer.

I want to walk Axl out on the field.

Ohh. I want to do both. Oh, God. I feel sick.

Okay, stop beatin' yourself up. Sue!

She's a big girl. She'll understand. Sue!

Yeah?

I'm sorry, but your first meet is at the same time

as the big Homecoming game, so...

Oh. That's okay. You don't have to come to my meet.

I mean... Mom'll be there.

Brick.

Use the rake.

The rake, Brick.

So while Mike was dealing with Brick,

I was trying to forget about Homecoming,

which, for some reason, was not easy.

How do I look, Bob?

Actually, sir, I think you're supposed to drive,

and the Homecoming queen sits back there.

Does the Homecoming queen own a car dealership

and two pawnshops?

I'm the big dog around here! I can sit wherever I want.

Wow. Homecoming, huh?

It's a pretty big deal.

I know. Huge.

Yeah.

I'm a little worried about Axl, though, you know?

I mean, this is a big deal for him,

and I'll be with you instead.

Oh, don't worry about Axl, mom.

He understands things are different

now that I'm on cross-country.

I mean, you've gone to hundreds of his events,

and you've never gone to a single one of mine ever...

And now you get to. Aah!

That is so true! Aah!

Mom, it means a lot to me that I can finally be

the one to make you proud.

Are those tears of joy in your eyes?

Tears are tears.

We don't have to define them.

Ow!

So, listen,

I'm really sorry I'm gonna have to miss Homecoming.

Whatev...

Are you okay?

'Cause if you're upset about this,

maybe you should tell Sue.

Just, you know, tell her how you wanted me

to walk you onto that field your whole life

and you'll be really disappointed

if you have to go out there without me.

Okay. Well, first of all,

maybe you're right that I'll be disappointed,

but I don't think so, and, second of all, no.

Well, why don't you just get up off the couch

and yell something, like, "My, God, mom!"

"It would break my heart that my very own mother

won't be at the biggest day of my life!"

- Then storm into your room, and I'll do the rest. - Ugh.

Okay, you don't have to say "disappointed."

You can put it in your own words.

"Crushed," "bogus," "lame-o"... Whatever feels comfortable.

What's that smirk about?

I got you an early birthday gift.

Well, you didn't get me anything last year,

so technically it's late, but what do you got?

I took care of it. I talked to Sue's coach

and got him to move cross-country

a half-hour earlier so you can do both. You're welcome. Oh, my God! Mike! How?

There's not much you can't accomplish in this town

with a case of beer and a wheel of cheese.

Oh, seriously? I can do both? I can really do both?

Oh! You are a hero.

That's the word I was gonna use.

See, I'm a doer, Frankie.

While you talk, talk, talk, I get it done.

Talker. Doer. Just like this thing with Brick.

I put him outside and told him to work.

That out there is a man in the making.

Yeah, well, your man in the making

just climbed into a trash bag.

Jeez. Brick!

Come on. Get out of there.

Thattaboy. He's out.

And so Brick continued to rake the leaves

day after day after day.

He organized them by color.

He made sure he got every one.

It's almost ready!

He did his job

with extraordinary attention to detail.

This one doesn't match any of our trees.

I'll return it to the neighbors.

And just when Mike had about given up...

I finished.