ThanksKilling 3

Nice tits, bitch...

In space!

Good shooting, Turkey.

Ah, captain pilot.

Pie lett, sir.

First name's pie, last name's

lett.

Pumpkin?

You betcha!

Who's our next target,

pie lett?

That would be Rhonda worm,

sir, captain of the wishbone 11.

Rhonda worm?

Hold your horses, captain.

Here we go!

Legend has it

"thankskilling 2" was the worst

movie ever made.

Only one copy remained, and

turkie would stop at nothing to

get it.

But for every monster, there

stands a hero.

Ours has lost her mind.

So long, yomi.

Don't be afraid.

Find me, and you'll find home.

Our story begins here.

Well, fuck, muff.

Real nice job of getting us here

gracefully.

We could have died, you

wormless piece of shit.

Yeah, I know you're sorry.

How can a worm stay mad at you

when you make our pookie tingle

just right?

Oh.

Not good, muffy.

Turkie's gonna be pretty damn

pissed when he finds out about

this.

Best be going now.

Come on.

Giddyap now, muff.

Hey, penguins, ostrich...

Are you a bird that can't fly?

Don't you worry.

Use that wing that don't flap

and give me a call... big

seagull taxi.

Stupid big seagull.

Lame.

I got my talons done today.

Nice color salmon, don't you

think?

Oh, and patsy was there, too.

She says hi.

You remember her from Turkey

school?

Of course you do.

Oh, my, she is getting fat.

And you know what that means

next season.

Aah!

Yikes!

Come on down to the gerbil

convention.

We got rat gerbils, turtle

gerbils.

Tuesday morning only.

Nibla, you fucker!

Oh, here we go.

Oh, no!

Hey!

You want to go back on Coop

confinement?

Now, get this out of my fucking

face.

I-I'm sorry, dad.

It flew out of my wing.

You ready for some cake,

niblet?

Oh, mom, I don't want none.

Oh, come on, try it.

Your grandmother made it, and

she's half dead, so she worked

real hard on it.

Come on!

Sorry, dear.

Just try it, son.

It's delicious.

Come on, mom.

I said I didn't want any stupid

grandma cake.

Nibla.

All right, since you're so

deaf.

Huh?

Fine, I'll take it.

Yeah, yeah, I want the piece

with the frosting, mom.

The frosting!

It isn't even hitting most of

my mouth.

You're just hitting me in the

head with it.

Fucking gross!

There, all done.

You two are gonna clean up

that mess, you realize.

Hey, nibla, what's that stupid

toy you got there, anyway?

Oh. Oh, this?

Well, remember the one time when

mom got that bruise because you

said she fell down some stairs

and you made me leave?

Well, I took my allowance, and I

bought Uncle Donny's

pluckmaster 3000.

Every kid in America wants one.

They've been talking about it at

my school for months.

Ooh, look at the TV!

It's there!

Oh, look! Look!

Oh, my nilly.

Are you tired of the hours it

takes to prepare a Turkey?

Did you marry your wife not for

her cooking but because she can

fuck?

Uncle Donny here, and this

Thanksgiving, I'm here to

simplify your life.

Introducing the pluckmaster

3000, a household appliance

meant to take this and turn it

into this.

Designed to kill, pluck, and

cook a live Turkey in just 30

seconds.

All you have to do...

See, dad?

So freaking awesome!

Ta-da!

Still not convinced?

Call now and get the

pluckmaster 3000 for only three

easy payments of $39.99!

But wait, there's more.

Call within the next 10 minutes,

and like the Indians, I'll give

you a Louisiana purchase-sized

deal!

We'll throw in an Uncle Donny

diamond-coated c-carver, a $60

offer, for free!

Not only can you carve turkeys,

but with this Uncle Donny's

diamond-coated c-carver, you can

saw through trees!

This Thanksgiving, let

pluckmaster 3000 give you peace

of mind.

Call now because colonial is

king!

Oh, my nilly.

For only three easy payments of

$39.99, the pluckmaster can be

yours today.

Pluckmaster 3000!

Buy it today.

B-b-b-b-breaking newz.

The big story everyone's

talking about tonight...

"thankskilling 2" is no more.

You're watching

"newz with a 'z.'"

a mega-budgeted, kid-friendly

sequel to cult film

"thankskilling" was announced

over two years ago, but now the

first movie ever filmed entirely

in space will never see the

light of day.

"Newz with a 'z.'"

oh, my.

The result is quoted as being

"one of the worst movies ever

made."

Pbbhht!