Hell Motel

Just a few more steps and...

Ta-da!

- It's an old motel. - An amazing one.

And it is a steal.

- I'm not surprised... - Real estate is all about

vision, Portia, and your little lady right here

has so much. It's scary.

Emphasis on scary.

But with paint job, cosmetic landscaping,

and a snappy neon selfie wall...

Hello, Selfies.

- Trippy cow skulls... - Okay, okay.

That all sounds beautiful, but why would anybody

want to stay here in the middle of nowhere?

Because...

one of the most infamous mass murders happened

at this very spot.

Okay, hear me out.

The True Crime industry brings in millions a year

and people will travel around the world

just to break into a place like this.

So imagine how much they would pay to legit stay in one.

Little sickos like you.

Thousands.

Throw in an on-theme diner.

Serving a trapped market,

you can't get pizza or Chinese food

delivered all the way out here. You wanna eat, you gotta hunt.

- Yeah, or I can spend that kind of money on a beautiful

winter home in Palm Springs for us. With a pool.

Let me think on it.

Of course...

But I know that once you've done your usual

market research, and you see how famous this place is,

you'll agree we're looking at a True Crime gold mine.

- Murder's where the money's at, girl.

So people would...

pay to come and stay at a place where a massacre took place?

- Oh, big bucks. Oodles of it. Guaranteed.

- No! Floyd! - Oh, my God!

- Everything we own is in there! Everything!

What are we gonna do?!

- It was our only way out. - Where the hell's the car?

- It's in the shop! We only got the SUV until Monday.

- Are you kidding me? You insisted that we come in

in that goddamn limousine... - As part of the experience!

We weren't foreseeing somebody would murder a guest!

- Who are they gonna kill next? - Okay, we didn't kill anyone!

So let's go in the motel! Now!

Well, someone did. In there!

And I, for one, ain't dying today.

- You wanna figure out what's going on?

Then what we need to do is to get inside. Now!

Okay, let's go.

All I'm asking is for everybody to keep their heads about them.

Portia and I are handling this.

- How do we know you didn't kill Hemmingway?

And burn the RV?

You strand us here...

and then you pick us off one by one.

- In what world would that make sense?

We are business women.

We have spent $700,000 renovating this place.

Not to mention what it cost to buy the motel.

So we're not going to piss away our life savings

and ruin our lives in the process.

Maybe not you.

But you,

I'm not so sure.

Yeah, me neither.

Why me?

Oh, right. Let me guess, my makeup, how I dress...

- No. Because you're obsessed with murders that happened here.

- Yeah, girl, I'm a connoisseur of slaughter.

You're a wannabe.

You wanna relive it all just a little too much.

- And none of you want to? Really?

Every single one of you

wanted a piece of True Crime history.

And that is what we delivered.

Total access to the most famous murder site in history.

On our dime.

I can't believe how ungrateful you all are.

The bullying,

the finger-pointing.

- One of your guests was cooked to death on your watch.

- Exactly! - So thank you so much

for the invite, but I want to check out.

- Preach! - And if they're going,

I'm going too. - Yeah, me too.

- Sounds like a good plan. - Okay, I just want to put

this in people's heads.

I've hunted this state the last ten years...

and it's serious.

There's black bear all over.

And around here, you got grey wolf and mountain lion.

And this weather's no joke.

Five minutes out there and you'll be soaked

to your skin. Walk through the woods at night...

if the wildlife don't kill ya, hypothermia will.

You're a hunter.

Yeah, my whole life.

Normally, I would bow to you

letting your primal impulse loose,

but given the circumstances... - Never boiled my prey to death.

- But how are we supposed to know that?

- Listen, fella. Where I come from,

you call someone a murderer, you better back it up.

Prove me wrong, big guy.

Okay, let's all just...

let's all just calm down.

Let's calm down. Okay?

Everybody go back to your rooms, lock your doors...

- We'll bed down for the night and by the morning,

Portia and I will have a plan for how we can get help.

- That sounds sensible. - I'm going to the kitchen...

fix myself some food. - Yeah, help yourself

to whatever you want. - Yeah, I'm also gonna help

myself to a knife.

I suggest everybody else do the same thing.

- I don't think arming everyone will make anybody safer.

- Look. If I've learned one thing

from personal experience?

Crazy murderers like these, they never stop at just one.

What the hell?

I know!

- You didn't stew that chef, did you?

It's not my handiwork

But someone beat us to him.

Good news is, they'll pin the RV on whoever killed that prick.

- Nice work on your talk about the wilderness and the weather.

- Yeah, well, you gotta explain it to these

city-bred morons that they can't just, you know,

saunter 45 miles to safety.

- One of those people killed the chef.

- It's hard to believe that anyone from that pack

of spoiled pussies pulled it off.

Crow or...

Kawayan might be capable.

- The wacky spiritual guy and the artists?

Though, I wouldn't put it past that freak Ruby

who runs the place. - Ugh, I don't know.

Portia seems too... put together to be shacked up with a killer.

- Well, someone did it. And the bigger question is why?

Kids have been dressing up as us for Halloween for years.

Maybe we have a copycat.

Or...

maybe we have a real Satanist in our midst.

You really think so?

- Someone who understands the portents

behind the timing of all this,

and wants to complete the ritual for Baphomet.

- A ritual we started. - Yeah.

Whoever it is, we need to flush them out.

We cannot fail again.

The gateway must be opened to release Baphomet.

- We should just go and... kill them all, right now.

- Mm-mm-mm. Patience. Patience, my love.

The blood must be spilled as we move along Saturn's

orbital period, marking its path, yeah?

Spill it all at once or too soon,

and the blood loses its magik.

It won't have the power to open the gate.

We don't have another 30 years to wait

for Saturn's return, so...

this must be perfect.

Okay.

We'll figure out who's trying to steal our thunder and then

We'll make them pay with their life.

Yeah.

Slow...

- Someone knows how to use a knife.

Someone had to.

- Right, you already popped your mass murder cherry.

That's not a joke.

- I never joke about serial killers.

Why don't we room together?

Why would we do that?

Safety in numbers?

Do you trust me?

I trust you.

I mean, it couldn't hurt, rooming with someone

who has already survived something like this.

I just... I figure I have a better chance of making it out

alive with you by my side...

It's a crime scene, so...

I guess we should lock up down here...

Right.

- Do you think the murderer... like,

the original murderer has come back?

- To finish what he started? - Well, I don't know.

I mean, did we make this happen by re-opening the motel?

No.

I promise you.

Let's get this done fast, we'll go back to our room,

lock our doors, we'll cuddle our way to tomorrow. Okay?

Oh, God.

- We can't just leave him like that.

We need to at least try and get him someplace cool.

Maybe the walk-in fridge?