Childrens Hospital

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

And I finally got past level 300 on Candy Crush.

No need to be sarcastic.

If I stop clapping at this pace...

the bomb strapped to my back will go off.

But congrats on the game!

Oh, thanks.

Attention, staff. Here at Childrens Hospital,

every day is children's day.

Hey, Val.

- Hey. - Dr. Spratt?

You're staring at my belly.

- What? No. - Is that a bomb?

You are. I might be totally off base here, but...

I think you have a full-on case of baby fever.

Ugh. I really wish I was pregnant.

See! I know, and the clock's ticking, right?

Hey, what about a sperm bank?

I mean, they've got healthy, smart little wigglers

that they could just stuff up inside you.

A sperm bank? With my credit score?

Let's face it, Cat. I'm just never gonna get pregnant.

Gosh, this must be so hard for you,

especially with Sy's new sperm bank right over there.

Sy what?

All those sperm... Just a few feet away.

All good to go, Sy.

This is the highest-grade sperm in the world.

You boys make sure it's protected at all times.

Here we go.

Hmm.

Wait, you're not thinking what I think you're thinking.

Let's go steal some semen.

This isn't gonna be easy.

Why not? We can do this.

I mean, remember when we took a stroll through the arboretum?

Well, that was a walk in the park.

We need to get the gang back together.

First, we need a hacker...

You post some weird stuff on Snapchat.

How did you get into my account?

I don't know. Maybe I used a packet sniffer

to locate a hole in the OpenSSL,

and then spoofed your I.P. with a backdoor payload.

Ah-doy.

...and a lifter...

Ooh!

Oh. Didn't see you there, sir.

Sorry, little fella.

...an Asian contortionist...

...and finally, we need muscle.

We pick the lock, and then -- bingo --

Wall-to-wall ejaculate like you've only dreamed of.

It's a good plan.

Only fault I can see in it is Glenn.

Hey, you know what?

Why don't you hack into the First National Bank of Shut up?

Or better yet, why don't you hack

into Second National Bank of Go jump in a lake?

Okay, enough! I can't have my crew fighting,

Not with all that semen on the line.

Are you in, or are you out?

Well, what's in it for us?

There is 80 cubic liters of semen in that bank.

Enough to spread around.

That's a lot of semen.

My nephew's been thinking about going to college,

what with tuition these days...

could really use some of that sperm.

I have been looking for a new binding agent

for my model airplane glue.

I do need to complete my collection of fluids

that start with "S."

Fine, I'm in.

- Blake? - What?

What could you possibly bring to the table?

Ever heard of the stealing power of laughter?

Oh, God. No.

Okay, then I will leave the room

but, guys, have fun, all right?

That's the most important thing.

Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Okay, we're all set.

Except retina scanner.

Oh, retina scanner.

I tried to backsource the encrypted seedbox,

but Sy isolated the compounds with a protein-based catalyst.

Universal tachyon propulsion's never been my strong suit, so...

So Sy's load is gonna slip right through our fingers.

What are we gonna do?

We need an inside man.

Clocking out Matthew Hauser.

She's all yours, Hector. Take care of her.

Clocking in Hector Taycarofher.

Hi.

Dr. Flame. Geez.

Yeah, I was thinking, Hauser.

You're slaving away every day at this sperm bank,

when you could be living off it, on a beach somewhere.

I can't help you steal Sy's sperm.

I need to get pregnant, okay?

And Sy's sitting on the best sperm around.

If you really want to have a baby that bad,