Chance in a Million

# Here I go again

# I hear those trumpets blow again

# All aglow again

# Taking a chance on love

# Here I slide again

# About to take that ride again

# Starry eyed again

# Taking a chance on love

# Things are mending now

# I see a rainbow blending now

# We'll have a happy ending now

# Taking...

# Taking a chance on love! #

BELL RINGS

Good morning. Good afternoon, madam.

Oh, yes, so it is! Good afternoon.

Um, I've arranged to meet my cousin here, Mr Chesney.

Mr Thomas Chesney. I was wondering if he'd arrived yet?

No.

Ah...

Not actually quite sure what he looks like.

I haven't seen him since I was four.

But he's a chartered surveyor from Hartlepool.

You're quite sure there's nobody... Quite sure, madam.

Ah. Well, I'll just wait, if you don't mind.

And if anyone should ask for Miss Alison Little...

Thank you so much.

BELL RINGS

BELL RINGS

Ah!

Can I help you, sir?

Er, hope so, yes. Trying to find a woman.

Ah, this is an hotel, sir. I don't really think...

No, no, no, um, blind date.

Computer matchmaking stuff. Name - Chance, Tom Chance.

Arranged to meet a Miss Alison Hugh.

Said she'd be wearing a pink and white dress. Any sign?

No, I haven't seen anyone of that description, sir, no.

Ah. Yes. Er, coat.

I beg your pardon, sir? Coat, needs hanging up.

Yes, sir.

Put this back for you. Thank you.

Bit loose that. Ought to be fixed. Could be dangerous.

We're very grateful to you for pointing it out, sir.

Er, girl arrives. In bar. Okay? Yes, sir. Good.

Not... not Alison? Yes, I think so.

You must be Tom. Yes, got it in one.

Idiot behind the desk said you hadn't arrived yet.

No, I wasn't entirely sure he noticed me when I did.

Never mind.

Nice to meet you. Drink? Anything special?

Whatever you're having would be... Would be fine? Fine. Good.

Er, coat? Oh. Yes.

BELL RINGS

Yes, sir. Two pints of lager, please.

Table over there. The bar is open, sir.

I don't quite follow you?

Well, they serve drinks in the bar, sir.

It is now open. Don't want a drink in the bar.

If did, would obviously go there. Order too difficult or something?

I'll bring them to your table, sir.

Good. On your way... Yes, sir?

Coat, needs hanging up.

Right, sir.

Got here alright then? Oh, yes.

I came straight from the library, by bus.

Ah, bus. Yes.

Went on a bus once. Not a good idea.

Only one seat, covered in orange peel.

Back of seat in front covered in four-letter words.

Married couple in row behind having blazing row.

Child across gangway puked into the aisle.

Bloke next door exposed himself.

Got off at the next stop.

Yes. I'm not surprised.

No.

Bus going in wrong direction.

Here you are, sir. Exactly one pound and 96 pence, please.

One pound, 19 and tuppence.

Excluding gratuity, sir. Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Look, er, thought we might go out for dinner this evening?

Oh, lovely.

But first...

One would come clean.

Saves disappointment later. Get my meaning?

Not really, no. No, um...

Two people meeting each other for the first time.

Obviously expectations.

But certain things bound to come out later.

Better to let it all out at once. Everything up front, agreed?

You mean, sort of confession time? Sort of, yes.

Ah, yes, well, that seems like a good idea.

I suppose I could start by admitting that I'm not actually...

Um, er, sorry, um, misunderstanding.

Not you to confess. Me.

Ah! Oh, I see, yes.

That'll probably be a lot more interesting.

Long story though. Patient? Oh, yes, I'm a very good listener.

Well, good. Er, start with basic principles. Um...

Your mother ever make plum crumble?

Plum crumble? Yes.

Well, yes. She still does as a matter of fact.

Tries to take all the stones out first?

Mmm. Yes, always one left though?

It's funny you should say that, there usually is ...

Yes. It's always my father who finds it.

Precisely. Precisely.

Coincidence. Fact, it happens all the time all over the world.

Very little known about it. Coincidence.

Man in Virginia, struck by lightning seven times.

Seven times. Seems incredible.

Absolutely true. Looked it up in "The Guinness Book Of Records".

Isn't that strange? Yes.

Er, woman in Penang had 14 husbands,

all committed suicide, all 14.

Incredible. Now, come to point.

Am personally, persistently plagued by coincidence.

Ah, you mean that in life's great crumble, as it were,

it's always you who finds the plumstone.

Dogged by it every time.

Book into wrong hotel. Pick up wrong suitcase.

Drive off in wrong car. Mistaken identity.

Happens to me all the time.

And you think this could be a serious drawback

to a relationship?

Could be. Could be. Still, there have it.

Could both stop now, go our separate ways.

Wouldn't blame you at all.

Wouldn't hold any hard feelings whatever.

Put off plenty of women before you.

LAUGHS

Still...

Give you a moment to decide.

Got to go to the little boy's room.

Lager goes through me like a hydro-electric power steamer.

Back shortly.

Decided? Oh, yes.

I think I can risk dinner. Brave girl.

Er, let me give you a lift to library.

Oh, thank you, that'd be very nice. Yes. Good, yes.

Ah, yes, er...

BELL RINGS

Yes, sir. Coats, please.

And, er, manager on telephone.

Hello, manager? Yes.

Er, customer here.

Three points. One - chap behind desk

got wet soil between the ears, ought to be fired.

Two - bracket thing by desk holding oar,

dangerous, ought to be fixed.

Three - body on floor below desk.

Large woman, ought to be moved.

Not at all.

All set then? Car's just down the road.

Couldn't park it any nearer.

These coincidences of yours. Yes?

Are they always bad or are they sometimes good?

Varies. Varies. Er, usually just bloody inconvenient.

Can be bad though. Er, yesterday, for example,

got mistaken for some kind of terrorist.

BANGING ON CAR ROOF

Oh, God, no! I can't stand it.

I tell you I can't stand it. This is that pits!

This is the end. Oh, my God!

Anything wrong? I just do not want it.

How could it happen? I just don't see how it could happen.

Suspender gone? Handbag been pinched?

I have locked the sodding keys in the sodding car.

Stupid sort of thing to do. Hmm.

I expect your husband or someone's got the spare set?

My husband doesn't even know anything about it.

That's the whole point. It's not his car anyway.

It belongs to a... gentleman friend.

Oh, I see.

And all I had to do was to drive round to his flat,

get changed into these wonderful clothes that he bought me

and then he was going to drive round in about an hour and...

God! Why do these things have to happen to me?

Could open the door here.

Do you really think so? How?

Well, I just need a piece of wire. Er, put down window,

over handle, pull. Oh, that's wonderful.

Except I don't think any of us have got any wire.

Ah, I have. I think I've got some in this bag here.

It was on one of the things he bought me.

Yes. Yes, here we are.

Just need to untangle the hanger.

Here we go. Oh!

I'm terribly grateful to you both.

You can't imagine what this means to me.

We've been planning this for months, you see.

We've had to be so careful. Oh, my God!

Is anything wrong?

That man over there, it's my husband.

If he sees me here, he'll kill me.

He thinks I'm on an arc welding course in Exeter

for my Open University degree.

I've got to get out of here.