Dead Set

I don't care if that's part of the programme. I'm not staying here!.

Trust me. Outside, it's a bad idea.

DOOR SENSOR BEEPING

Fuck off!.

Who are they?.

The government or army must have tested something they shouldn't.

Does this mean we're not on telly anymore?.

CRASHlNG

I wish you'd stop huffing. You'll use up all the air.

Do you even understand what is going on here?.

Or is all the whole world just colours and shapes

and the occasional noise in your head?.

SQUELCHlNG

Get some fucking supplies. Now!.

If she dies she becomes one of them things in here.

Outside, she's trapped.

She's right. We've got to move her.

SHATTERlNG

At least we know we're alone, then.

Can you keep her alive?.

Yes, I can. But I need more than this.

The contents of a pharmacy. Can you get me that?.

You know where we can get that medical stuff from, don't you?.

Supermarket out there with a chemist will all sorts of prescription stuff.

- How far is it?. - It's close.

- (Kelly) No!. - (Marky) Shit! Shit.

Get in the van, Marky.

Whoa!

Take this right, this right. Around the back it's safer.

It's clear for now. Keep the engine running.

If you see anything, you bang that horn, right?.

Cool.

Let's go shopping.

This'll come in handy.

RATTLlNG

TV went off the first night.

STATlC HlSSlNG

Oh, God. It's the 'Big Brother' live feed.

- They must've evacuated the studio. - Hurrah.

- My girlfriend works there. - On that?.

Yes, and I'm worried about her.

Well, if the house is empty, then she'll have been evacuated too.

I guess so.

RADlO STATlC CRACKLlNG

MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH ON RADlO

- What was that?. - Sh.

MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH ON RADlO

MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH ON RADlO

RADlO STATlC CRACKLlNG

RADlO STATlC HlSSlNG

MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH ON RADlO

SNORlNG

Ugh!

SNORlNG

Oh, my God.

Sick.

I wish there was a bloody clock in this place.

SNORTlNG. Yeah.

Sh.

What you poking me for?.

Acupressure. Good for tension.

Not now it's not.

DOOR SLAM M lNG

- What did he say?. - Sh.

- Do you understand him?. - Shut up!

MAN SPEAKlNG FRENCH ON RADlO

'Abri', that means 'shelter'.

GASPlNG

I'm sorry.

Ange?.

No way! No way! Check that out.

I'm only on the front cover of 'Heat'!

SlGHlNG

"Cheats ex with..." "Rubbish in bed..."

No. What the...?.

"Desperate fum..."

What a load of shit.

They don't half put a load of shit in that magazine, eh?.

"Rubbish in bed"?. I'm mint in bed.

"Not as funny as he thinks"?. I'm well funny.

OK.

Er, don't mention that to anyone when we get back in the house.

Yeah.

CAR ACCELERATlNG

Mate!

Mate, over here.

- Get down on your knees! - Get on your knees!

- No, no. - Get on your fucking knees.

- I don't wanna stop... - Get down!

- All right, all right, all right. - Stay down.

All right, all right.

So what we gonna do with him, then, Den?.

I haven't made my mind up yet, Bob.

Hang on. You're that...you're that fella off 'Big Brother', ain't ya?.

Yeah, no, no. It is. He's that sort of black one, you know.

I dunno. I don't watch it.

You know, you're shorter in real life.

Well, he's on his knees, isn't he, Bob?.

Look, mate...

I'll ask the questions. What you doing here?.

I'm just getting supplies, medical supplies.

- So you're looting?. - No... no, I'm not looting!

So you're looting!

Given the circumstances, we'll let you off with a caution.

So, what?. Can I get up, then?. Yeah?.

Well, you could say thank you.

- Thank you. - Where you going?. Butlins?.

Not planning a countryside tour, I hope. That would be a mistake.

Have you got somewhere to hole up?.

Where do you think?.

What?. Big Brother house?.

'Ere, is that, um... Veronica still there?.

Yeah.

Oi, mate. She is well fit.

Er, Veronica...

- Yeah?. - Er, would you like a cup of chai?.

All right, thanks.

Sorry, is that "All right, thanks", as in you would like one

or "I'm all right, thanks", as in, "l wouldn't"?.

Second one.

- No, sorry. It... it... - I don't want one!

Right.

OK.

BREATHlNG HEAVlLY

Can't you untie me?.

Please, Grayson.

Here.

INHALlNG DEEPLY

That's better, huh?.

I know you're there, Joplin.

You know, you should have just asked me for a quick flash,

cos it's the end of the world and I might have felt sorry for you.

But you didn't...which is a shame.

Cos what you're doing is a bit creepy, innit?.

- Oven chips?. - They're essential.

So if there's a power cut, you gonna eat them frozen?.

Er, if there's a power cut, they'll defrost.

What?. And you'll eat them cold and mushy?.

- Wouldn't be the first time. - OK.

Come on. Hurry up.

CLANKlNG

Sh.

ROARlNG Shit, shit, let's go.

UNEARTHLY SCREAM lNG

Ain't there somewhere we should be trying to head for?.

Like where?.

Well, I dunno. Who's in charge?.

You haven't heard, have you?.

SCREAM lNG Stay there!

Run to me!

SHOTS FlRlNG

SHOTS FlRlNG AND SHOUTlNG

SCREAMlNG

Fuck!

Come on, please, Den. It's only a little one.

- Look at me. - A bite's a bite, Bob.

Sorry, mate.

I really am sorry, mate.

I had to do that. There's nothing else you can do for a bite.

You die, you come back as one of them.

That's how it works. And it works fucking fast.

All right. Just put that thing down!

If you lot hadn't been pissing round in the first place...

The advice was, "Stay indoors."

Or don't you watch telly?.

What's that?. Is that a bite?.

No, no, no! No, it's not a bite. It's not a bite.

He's telling the truth, I swear to you. He's telling the truth.