Little Evil

Gary?

Lucas?

Lucas?

What are you doing out here? Where is your stepfather?

That's it!

Time out, young man! Time out!

Gary! Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God, Gary! Are you okay? Say something. Please, say something.

I... want... a divorce!

Dude, I can't believe you're moving in with her.

I know, man.

But I'm all crazy up in her shit.

There ain't nothin' I can do.

Shit, man.

That's for real.

You're moving in with her?

Yes, I am.

In fact, I am all crazy up in her shit.

Damn, homeboy, lock it down.

- Gary! - Hey.

Hi.

Baby, but you're here. You're late.

I got worried that you got killed somehow.

Nope, I'm still alive.

Yo, yo, bad boy!

- Where you want this? - What's up, Dwayne?

- You guys can put that in the garage. - Got it.

Thanks. Thanks, guys.

- Made some friends, huh? - Yeah, those guys are great.

Hey, where's Lucas?

I got him a little somethin', wanna grease the wheels a bit.

You don't have to grease his wheels. He is gonna love you for you.

Yeah, yeah, no, I know that.

- So... where is he? - He's over on the swing.

Aw, there's my little buddy.

Y-You don't think the wedding was too traumatic for him, do you?

Well, it was awful.

The famous Jubilee Downhill Derby's coming up

and I thought Lucas and I could make our own cart.

What?

Gary, this is amazing!

Yeah, I always wished my dad was around to do this race with me.

Just a father and son shooting down the mountain as fast as we can,

no engine, no brakes.

You two are gonna have so much fun.

Isn't that right, Lucas?

- Come here. Come see what Gary got you. - Hey, buddy. Here. Check this out.

We can paint something really cool on the side, like a flame.

Whoa, look at that. You found some earthworms.

That's cool.

You know what those are good for is fishing.

We can, uh...

Don't get discouraged.

It's just gonna take him a little more time, that's all.

You know, Lucas is very... particular.

- No, I know he is. I love that about him. - Yeah.

You know, I'm sorry I didn't let you get to know him more.

I just... I really wanted to be sure.

Well, you can be sure now.

- Gosh. - What? What?

I just...

This is what I always wanted, you know?

A family. A real family.

Me too.

I swear, I feel like the luckiest man alive.

Shh.

Don't say that. All right? It's not luck.

You're the one.

Come here.

The ice caps are melting. The seas are rising.

This past year, there's been a spike in global temperature

that even scientists cannot explain.

Some people believe the prophecy of the end

is becoming all too real,

and the end times could be near.

Hope you like chocolate chip pancakes with smiley faces.

Tell us how the end will come. Reverend Gospel, thanks for coming.

Thank you for having me.

Hey, Gary, um, I'm meeting with a C-L-O-W-N today,

and I was hoping that maybe you could take Lucas to school.

You're meeting with a clown?

Gary, I don't want him to know.

Oh, for Lucas' birthday?

- Sorry. Got it. - Tell us about your prediction.

Sure, Russ.

We've made some calculations

and we are now quite certain that the end will come

at six p.m. on the sixth of June.

- What are you watching? - Uh, that's the morning news.

Ratings must really be in the, uh, S-H-I-T-T-E-R.

The shitter. Sorry.

The beginning of the end.

Hey, you don't have to call me Dad if you don't want to, you know.

You can call me, uh... Gary.

Awesome Gary.

Super-Gar. Whatever. No presh.

Oh, and if you want to sign up for baseball,

like, I'd totally be your coach, or whatever.

If you're... I mean, I was a pretty serious baseball player when I was a kid.

So, if you just want to toss the old ball around,

anytime, I'm... I'm in.

- This is Gary. - Hi, Gary.

This is your wedding videographer Karl.

Karl. Hi. Yes. I've been meaning to call you.

No, I figured you guys needed some time after everything.

Listen, Samantha and I really appreciate you doing everything you did

under the conditions and all, but, uh...

I think we're gonna have to pass on the video.

I really think that you need to see something.

We both decided it's better to move on. So, if you could destroy the tapes...

Mr. Bloom, there's something very unusual...

We know it's unusual, Karl,

but we're gonna keep our eyes on the road ahead,

not dwell on the past, all right?

- I think you need to... Mr. Bloom... - Thanks for the call.

All right.

Here we are.

You want me to walk you in?

Good talking to you, buddy!

Shit, man. Hey, bro.

- Hey, Al. - What's up?

I heard about the wedding, man. That sucks.

It sounds horrible. I'm so glad I didn't come.

Hey, thanks for your gift, though.

We were really hoping for a ceramic Woody Woodpecker statuette.

- You like that thing? - Oh, yeah.

Oh, that means a lot.

It's got some serious sentimental value, bro.

You know, I smuggled a half kilo of Oaxacan sensimilla in that thing.

Wow. That's, uh... ambitious.

I smoked it all in, like, three weeks, too, man.

I hear you joined the ranks.

The, um... I'm sorry?

Yeah, you're a stepdad now, man. Sucks, bro. Welcome to the club.

Oh, you're a step...

- Dad. - Dad?

- Yeah, man. - Right.

I'm in therapy, too. Big time.

You could come if you want. It's a group thing.

- It's chill. - Come with you to...

- your therapy? - Therapy. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

No, I really don't want to.

Okay, man. Suit yourself. Whatever feels good.

What you workin' on?

- Oh, nothin'. - Oh, you got a mark?

Well, it's not a mark exactly. It's a client.

Somebody wants to buy that freaky old nunnery, man?

No way!

You think they're gonna make it into a sex dungeon or something?

- A sex dungeon? - Mm-hmm.

- This is Gary. - Give it to me, you dirty little nun.

- Wow, that was fast. - Give it to me, you dirty little nun.

- Yeah, it's still available. Today? - What's up, man?

- Pay that rent! - That's great.

- I will see you there. Thanks. - Pay that rent! Pay it!

Sorry I'm late.

I'm Gary Bloom.

You are forgiven. I'm Reverend JD Gospel.

Yeah, from, uh, from TV. I just saw you this morning.

Oh, yes. The press does love their doom and gloom.

Good point. Shall we have a look inside?

Please.

One sec here.

There's plenty of room. Do you have a large family, Mr. Gospel?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Well, uh, they kick off their shoes here,

and I'm sure they'll enjoy the fifteen extra rooms.

There's a chapel.

There's a basement that can be turned into a game room or a man-cave.

I just love the smell of an old-fashioned nunnery. Don't you?

Yeah.

May I see the chapel?

Sure. Yeah. Right this way.

Yeah, I mean, as you can see, it's a bit of a fixer-upper,

but you know, with the right touch...

Oh...

Oh...

What is your best offer?

The best offer?

Mm-hmm.

Just, you know...

There's another couple who's very interested.

You're kidding me? Who?

This very wealthy couple. Just, like, dot-com money.

Always wanted to retire in a nunnery. Same old story.

- I shouldn't even be showing it to you. - I'll beat their price.

Whatever they're offering, I'll offer more.

Really?

The end is coming, Gary.

Blood will rain, and crows will darken the sky,

the oceans will boil over.

Money truly is no object.

Well, that's fantastic.

I mean, not the blood boiling and the sky and stuff,

but that you want to buy it.

That's... I'm sorry. Uh, just one second.

Hey, hon.

What kind of trouble?

Oh, poor little buddy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can make it down there right now.