The Big Bang Theory

English Subtitles. The Big Bang Theory S09E05 The Perspiration Implementation

Hey, ready for lunch? Oh, one sec.

Is that the prototype drive system for the high-G rover?

No, Bernadette got me a Fitbit

so she can track how much I'm exercising.

That'll teach her to care about your health.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I die young.

When was the last actual exercise you got?

The other day, when

she tried to put that Fitbit on me and I ran away from her.

According to a recent study,

simply thinking about exercise, even while sitting still,

can have physical benefits.

For all you know, I could be exercising right now.

Are you? Eh, I'll do it tomorrow.

It wouldn't be the worst thing

if we were more active.

Oh. You make an excellent point.

Ooh, I think I'm getting a runner's high!

== sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man

Look at all these activities the university has.

Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.

Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Yeah, I think it's great you guys want to get more exercise,

but do you really think sports is the right choice for you?

What are you saying? We're not coordinated enough

to play sports?

Okay, Leonard, sweetheart,

you twisted your ankle playing Scrabble.

I got a triple-word score

with a double letter "Q." If that's not a time

to bust out the Scrabble dance, what's the point of having one?

Hey, Barry Kripke started a fencing club.

Interesting. Sword fighting does hold a certain elegant appeal.

And I would imagine it meets many

of our personal criteria for a sport.

It's indoors, so no sunscreen.

No throwing, no catching,

no running.

No gym shorts that can be yanked down.

Or worse, up.

Preach.

And as an added bonus,

the word "touché" comes from fencing.

It would be our only opportunity to use it

in a non-metaphorical sense.

What about a game of tag on a French schoolyard?

Ah, touché.

Thanks for coming by.

Sure. So how can we help?

Well, I know more women are

buying comics than ever, but for some reason,

I-I can't get 'em in here.

All right, well, what have you tried so far?

Uh, I've-I've been stocking more female-oriented titles.

Uh, in the bathroom, I folded the end of the toilet paper

into a triangle.

And, uh,

you are now sitting in the official

breastfeeding area.

Really? In a comic book store? Oh,

don't worry. I-I've got a camera right up here,

so I could watch from the counter

and make sure guys aren't being pervs.

Anyway,

so what do I got to do to-to

get you in the door?

Well, for starters,

you might want to rethink some of this artwork.

I mean, this woman's actually on a leash like a dog.

Well, you don't know the backstory.

Maybe she kept jumping up on the couch.

I feel cool.

Like Puss in Boots.

I always wanted to be a swashbuckler when I was a kid.

Technically,

"swashbuckler" is a combination of two terms.

"Swash" referring to the sound of the sword.

Swash.

And then

"buckler" meaning a small shield, which you don't have.

We can still be swashers. Hmm.

Well said, Puss.

Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club.

Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke.

I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be

like Star Wars.

That's not why we're here.

Yeah, I'm here because I think

it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.

And maybe a little Princess Bride.

Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride!

That's my answer!

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but fencing is a serious sport.

If you're not willing to put in the effort,

you might as well just leave now.

We're not afraid of physical activity. Yeah.

I already ran 18 miles today.

All right. Let's begin with some fundamentals.

This is the en garde position.

Feet are in an "L." Heels in a straight line.

Elbow is about a fist

from the rib cage.

Notice my dominant leg faces forward.

Oh, dear.

What's wrong, Cooper?

Well, I'm not sure I have a dominant leg.

They're both pretty submissive.

When you're in a public restroom,

which foot do you flush the toilet with?

Right. Always right.

He's a righty.

Okay,

show me en garde.

Good. Knees bent,

slightly over the toe.

Non-sword hand up for balance.

I am going to feel this tomorrow.

The first move is called an advance.

You move your front foot forward, heel to toe.

Back foot follows.

So front foot forward, heel to toe.

Back foot follows.

Now you try. Advance.

And advance. And advance.

This is easy. I didn't need to wear a cup.

Good.

The next move is called a retreat.

Step back.

Back foot first, toe to heel.

Front foot follows.

On three.

Excuse me, Barry? Yes.

When can I stab one of my friends?

In fencing, we don't call it a stab.

We call it a touch. Uh, yes, I'm aware.

But if I say I want to touch one of my friends,

I'll get called into Human Resources.

Okay, on three,

Cooper and Koothrappali advance, the other two retreat.

One, two, three.

Very good. Switch it up.

One, two, three.

Switch again. One, two, three.

Excuse me.

Can I call you back?

No, I'm teaching a class.

Sure. Sure.

An hour, tops.

Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Thanks.

And one, two, three.

Have you thought about advertising directly to females?

Hmm, okay.

Well... All right.

What if I put up a sign in the window that said,

"Women, come in.

Don't be afraid."

Hey.

Uh, have you read the online reviews for this place?

Eh,

the Internet's so negative.

I try to avoid it.

All right, well, Heather H. says,

"The owner stared at me the whole time

and didn't blink once."

Kelly M. says,

"The creepy guy who runs it asked me out,

then called himself stupid before I could say no."

Jessica K. says,

"I told the weird owner that I liked his shirt.

He took it off and gave it to me."

See? Negative.

With your foil extended,

kick your front leg up and push off with your back leg.

Now you try.

And again.

And again.

Look at us! We're like the Rockettes!

En garde, Leonard.

Prepare yourself for a rigorous touching.

My name is Inigo Montoya.

You killed my father.

Prepare to die.

My name

is Inigo Montoya.

You killed my father. Prepare

to die.

I thought you were Puss in Boots.

Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

My name is Puss in Boots.

You killed my father.

Prepare to die.

I'm looking forward to him teaching us glove-slapping.

What?

You know, when my honor is insulted,

and I need to challenge someone to a duel

by slapping them across the face with my glove.

When was your honor insulted?