Human Hibachi 2: Feast in the Forest

You having a good time there, baby?

Best, nature, my beer,

being with you, what could be any better?

Now I want you to close your eyes.

I have something that's gonna

make your day a whole lot better.

Oh yeah, what's that?

It's a surprise.

Is it what I think it is?

And what's that?

Are you finally gonna make me Mrs. Burnside?

You're always ruining shit by guessing.

Will you just relax and wait?

Ugh! Fine.

- Alright, you ready? - Yes.

Open your eyes.

Alright, not bad, huh.

Marry you? Yeah, right.

Oh man, here it comes, my favorite part.

Yeah? What part is that?

The dick-eating part?

We all know you want the dick.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You smart ass,

the part where Bobby Shields calls for all the red.

"Gimme all that red!"

You guys are truly obsessed.

These guys were geniuses, alright?

Fucking pioneers.

You got that right.

It's a shame that their mission was halted.

So explain this to me again.

I mean, I get the gist of it, but you told me,

you told me all the details tonight.

You're right, I did, well,

it was a video, they called it "Human Hibachi".

Jin, he was the head of the operation,

used to lure unsuspecting victims

into his hibachi restaurant late at night.

He'd take them in the back, he would kill them,

and then wealthy businessmen used

to come in and pay top dollar to eat them.

I know that part.

I mean, what was the point of the video?

Alright, so here's the story.

They were making a video like this

to sell on the black market in Asia.

And like Jin said, there's big fucking money

for a movie like this on the black market.

It was good, but it was not great.

Yeah, if you asked me, it could have been

a whole lot fucking better.

Now, I idolize and I respect these guys.

But their filming skills,

I mean, it's just not quite up to par.

I went to film school for two years

and I am going to utilize every aspect

of everything that I learned for this film.

Very interesting.

I don't know how long this should cook for.

And I do not want it overcooked.

Dude, I'm sure it's done by now.

It's been over an hour.

Or at least it looks like it's finished.

Besides, you know, I like my meat well done, right?

Yeah, which is fucking horrible.

Why?

You know, you can tell a lot about a man

by the way he eats his meat, right?

Oh yeah? How so?

Well, you like your meat well done, right?

Which is bland, just like your personality.

Let me ask you something.

Do you just make shit up as you go along?

'Cause I know you like yours like it's still alive

and ready to walk off the goddam plate, alright?

But that's not me.

We all know how Lisa likes her meat done.

And how is that?

Rock fucking hard.

You're such a fucking pig, you know that?

I don't know how in the hell you put up

with his shit all the time, honest to God.

- Let me ask you. - Hmm?

Was she really expecting you to propose?

Oh yeah, she was.

She looked at me and said,

"Is this where you're gonna ask me to be Mrs. Burnside?"

And I thought to myself, "No, bitch, this is where you

fucking die!"

Poor girl.

Yes, poor girl.

Poor girl my ass, she had it coming.

Alright, grab a knife, help me cut this bitch up.

Okay.

You want some of this?

Uh, no, thanks.

Pussy boy.

Just keep filming everything we tell you to

and do your damn job right, alright?

Got it? - Got it.

Good.

Okay, should we kill the camera?

This is a big moment, you guys.

Oh, yeah.

You want some of that?

Mm, I wanna make a toast, you guys.

Alright.

A lot of blood, sweat, and tears went into this

and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears are gonna

be going into making this film.

To our first time.

Our first time.

To our first time.

And many more.

Hear, hear.

Saving those fingers for later?

You know it.

Hmm, nah,

ain't quite done yet.

Let's see.

Here you go.

- Ooh. - You enjoy that shit.

Yeah, alright.

Mm, mm-mm, oh wow, damn.

Mm! - Yeah? It's that good?

It's fucking delicious, mm!

Holy fuck.

It's everything I could have imagined.

I knew it, I knew it.

They were not paying top dollar

for regular-ass animal meat.

Like, it is different-level shit.

Mm.

Alright, your turn, Lisa.

She got a big bite there.

So, what do you think?

It's all right, a little different than I was expecting.

No, what are you talking about?

It's fucking delicious.

What exactly were you expecting?

I don't know.

I mean, it's good, a little gamey, but yeah, good.

"Gamey," my god.

It's about the novelty

of what we're eating right now.

I mean, Jake was just with her a few hours ago.

She was alive and breathing and dancing around.

And now we're ingesting her.

I mean, it's like, it's like a high, you know?

The poor girl was enjoying a beer and some rock music,

thinking she was gonna get married.

And now we're eating her.

Yeah, wanna know what the ironic thing is?

She never let me eat her out the other way.

You are truly sick, you know that?

Yeah, almost as sick as you, you fuck.

This is it, guys, the start.

However, our goal will not be complete

until we finish what we set out to do.

And what is that?

Jake didn't tell you?

I was waiting for tonight.

Alright.

Number one,

we are going to avenge the fate

of the original "Human Hibachi" film and make sure,

make sure it gets to the black market.

It was Jin's dream to get this made

and start a successful business out in Japan.

I'm just still pissed that he never made it.

And number two,

we are going to find Bobby Sheilds and Doug Patrick.

They're the only two from the original operation

that are not locked up.

They are still out here in these woods.

But with the help of his son,

who we were able to come in contact with,

I think that we can really make something great here.

Yeah, and they're definitely still out there somewhere.

Yeah, either in these woods or the next town over.

One of my friends told me.

Yeah, but Steve, I mean,

did you really believe John Thomas

when he told you that he saw them out there?

'Cause he's not exactly the most

credible person on the entire Earth.

I don't know why he would lie about something like that.

And what's the plan if we do find them?

To honor and to host the most

elaborate fucking dinner

that they could possibly drool over.

You know, I just saw John Thomas today,

and he was telling me

that he saw Doug Patrick walking into the woods, get this,

with a stick figure that he was talking to.

A what? A

- Yeah. - A stick figure?

Uh-huh, these guys must be losing their minds out there.

We gotta get to them sooner than later