Landman

I need to go to the bathroom.

Tengo que ir al baño.

Listen, I got to piss, okay?

You want me to piss my fucking pants?

I'm about to piss my fucking pants, all right?

Fuck me.

You say you own this land.

We have the rights.

No.

We own this land.

You own the surface,

which you purchased from Daniel Piersall,

and Daniel Piersall's father

sold the mineral rights in 1993

to the Permian Basin Trust,

who subcontracted the rights to Meridian Oil,

which was bought by Conoco Phillips,

and sold to M-TEX Oil,

who only recently discovered the rights.

We don't want your oil here.

Well, wish in one hand, shit in the other,

see which one fills up first.

Maybe I slice you from your huevos to your throat

and hang you from a bridge.

Huh?

See if oil companies come then.

Well, first they'll hire Halliburton to build files

on you fucking assholes

that the FBI only dreams about having.

Then they'll send 30 Tier 1 operators

from Triple Canopy, and they'll bust you like a fucking piñata.

And if any of you dip shits do make it back to Mexico,

they'll blow your fucking house up with a drone.

With your family in it.

It costs six million to put in a new well.

They're putting in 800 right fucking here.

That's 4.8 billion in pumpjacks.

They'll put in another billion

on water and housing and trucking.

At $78 a barrel, that's 6.4 million a day.

For the next 50 fucking years.

So, yeah, the oil company's coming.

So, they send you to tell us fuck off?

They sent me to negotiate a surface lease.

And we'll build you a nice all-weather road

that leads to our oil wells and to the highway.

And a few others, if you need them.

He's gonna build us a road.

Hey, here's the deal,

and it's the only deal:

You don't fuck with our product, we don't fuck with yours.

Because if you do, we'll put in a DEA substation

right across the fucking street.

We got a deal?

We got a deal.

Surface lease agreement's in there.

Signature pages are marked.

Now, we'll need an address for the surface lease payment

and the damage reimbursements.

Damage?

Yeah.

We'll pay you for the damage to the land

we built your roads on and the pads for our pumpjacks.

You pay me?

Yeah, we pay you.

Mm, strange business.

Same as yours.

No, I don't think so.

You sell a product

that your customers are dependent on.

Yes.

It's the same.

Ours is just bigger.

Vámonos.

- -

Oil and Gas Industry makes

$3 billion dollars a day in pure profit.

Generates over $4.3 trillion dollars a year in revenue.

It is the seventh largest industry in the world,

ranked ahead of food production,

automobile production, coal mining,

and at 1.4 trillion, the pharmaceutical industry

doesn't even crack the top ten.

The industries listed ahead of oil and gas

are completely dependent on

oil and gas.

The more they grow,

the more we grow.

That's the scale.

That's the size of this thing.

And it's only getting bigger.

This fucking job.

But before any of that money is made,

you gotta get the lease.

You gotta secure the rights and lock up the surface.

Then babysit the owners, babysit the crews.

Then manage the police and the press

when the babies refuse to be sat.

That's my job.

Secure the lease, then manage the people.

First part's pretty simple.

It's the second part that can get you killed.

What the...

Come on.

You baby Norris?

- Cooper. - Nah.

I think baby's better.

Get in.

- -

Three black coffees?

Oh, you got another one in there.

You want something, sugar?

Uh...

I can have that effect.

Do you like black coffee,

or a little bit of milk in there?

I'll take, uh...

Yeah, actually some milk. Can I have a latte?

- What the fuck?! - A what?

You just order a fucking latte? What?

- An aristocrat. - What?

Don't normally make lattes till the bankers wake up.

We don't have time to wait for a fucking latte.

Why the fuck do you need a latte, bro?

- I... I just ordered... - He's asking her to make

- the most complicated shit, man. - We got to get to work.

- Sorry. - "Sorry."

You want to ask for a continental breakfast?

- I... - What the fuck is your problem?

- -

- Oh, here we go. - Here it comes.

The white kid ordered a latte!

Great job, man. First day.

That'll be 27, sweetie.

Unreal.

This is for you, darling.

Hey, if you're gonna work the patch

you got to learn how to drink it black,

'cause everything we do is on the fucking go.

I just don't like the way it tastes.

Ain't about the taste, son, it's about the fuel.

Six hours from now when you need a jolt,

you can't drink that curdled milk.

Be throwing up all over my truck.

You don't want to throw up in his truck.

In fact, give me that.

Yeah, give that shit...