Blue Iguana

You know what?

Our movie's got to have a beautiful happy ending.

It's gotta be unpredictable, like a fun indie vibe;

black and white; lens flare.

It's got to have lens flare, let's not forget.

A tentative title I'm thinking right now--

you tell me what you think-- is "Cold Dreams."

Hey.

Hey, what'd I just say?

What's the title of my work?

Eddie!

Are you listening to me?

I've got gas.

You got your anti-acids?

No.

All right, beautiful, OK.

Maybe you'll come back soon?

And she's gone.

What is that?

This?

Female sanitary appliance.

The elite bodyguards all carry them.

You want to know why?

The second you start bleeding, I pop this shit in.

Blood stops.

It stops the bleeding.

I can save you goddamn life.

And get rid of the comic book also.

She's going to be here in like five minutes.

Hey.

Hello.

I'm slightly early.

Is it Katherine?

Yeah.

Take a seat.

You want something to eat?

Some lunch would be-- would be nice.

Well, we make an incredible hot dog.

- What do you say? - Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, Manny, let me get a hot dog, soda, and fries, por favor.

Diet orange soda.

Diet orange soda. You got it.

What are these?

I think those are the steaks, Louie.

No shit, genius.

Why did you pull them out of the freezer?

It's for the dinner crowd.

No, you're not supposed to use these, ass wipe.

You're supposed to use the one in storage next door.

Manny, put these steaks back in the freezer.

Get me 20 sirloins from storage next door.

What's the matter with you, huh?

You're shit for brains, I told you.

I told you what steaks to sell here.

One more time, both of you,

I'm gonna violate you to your parole officer.

You hear me?

You'll be upstate in a heartbeat. You got it?

Hey, credit card machine is still on the fritz, Louie.

Yeah, well, you keep taking cash till it's fixed.

Yeah.

As you know...

I'm so sorry, there's so much in your mouth.

As you know, you were recommended to me

by Thomas Tresham, client of mine.

Who?

British Tommy.

Oh, Tommy.

He recommended you highly.

Client how?

I was his lawyer in London.

You're a lawyer?

An item will be delivered at a location next week.

I want you to intercept the delivery and bring it to me.

Yeah, we can do that, baby.

The man making the exchange has guards.

He will meet and exchange the package with others.

Fee is $20,000 each.

Well, the going rate's $30,000 each.

I'm not going to go higher than $20,000.

That's inclusive of two passports.

Hey, wait a minute.

Gig's not here?

No, it's in London next week.

Next-- you came all the way from London, England for us?

This isn't really my field.

Mr. Tresham is my sole contact in this area.

Well, that's tough luck.

Our parole's conditional on us maintaining employment here.

Plus, your offer's way too long,

especially if going to jump the pond.

How much do I owe you?

You know what?

There's got to be way we can work this out, don't you think?

I mean, we haven't even thought it through for a second.

Maybe we could talk about it.

Is this diner a chain?

Yeah, a real shitty, shitty chain.

If I can sort out your parole issues and this establishment,

would you agree to the venture at my price?

Knock yourself out.

Break's over ladies.

Louie?

Yes, darling.

You buy cheap stock--

steaks, on this occasion, with your own money,

and you store them next door.

If 20 steaks are ordered, you serve the cheap steaks

you bought, not the ones on the premises

that are bought by the company.

You don't fix the credit card machine,

so everyone pays in cash.

You keep the cash for yourself.

If head office get suspicious and checks the stock,

they'll find it's all still here on the premises

in the freezer unused.

And it's all very illegal.

Eddie's going away for a week.

And he's gonna be with his friend Paul.

Yes, with Paul.

You're going to call their parole officer,

say you're sending them away on a catering course,

as they're doing so well,

and that they'll be unable to attend.

Otherwise, I'm going to call head office, tell them

about your illegal activities, which I assure you,

will result in your prosecution.

Do we have an agreement?

Hey, Louie, you're a disgrace to the restaurant

business, you fuckin' skunk.

Katherine, we're in.

- No, we're not in. - We're not in.

We're not in yet.

$30,000 each or no deal.

$20,000 and no higher.

$30,000.

You need me.

- Us. - Us.

Yeah.

Agreed.

Fuck yeah.

On one condition--

no one gets harmed.

If it's them or us, I know who I'm choosing there, princess.

Don't call me that.

Yoga?

You look healthy.

I've been meaning to say for the past few days.

I do tai chi myself.

It's a soft martial art.

Keeps me supple.

He does look good, though, right?

You do look good.

You do look good. Cardio, that's what I do.

A panic attack doesn't count as cardio.

Whatever.

Hey, you know what, Corny?

What do you say after this, we talk about your acting career?

I'd be delighted to.

You ever tried the boards?

No, my good man.

I'm actually a film producer.

Can I just say what a pleasure it is

to be working with you again?

I hope I didn't inconvenience you

in requesting you come to London,

but I couldn't think of anyone I trust more.

Tommy, I don't think we need the silencer.

If this shit hits the fan, the louder, the better.

You know what I mean?

Take it off, please.

The louder, the better.

That's so wise.

What the?

Hey, man!

Why don't you like kitty cats?

Because dogs are better.

Dogs aren't better.

They're more independent.

Hands up, motherfucker.

Put your fucking hands up right now.

Hands in the air-- there's a good chap--

or those lovely long eyelashes will close forever.

Come here. Come.

Come on. Come on.

Come, come, come, come.

Drop the bag.

Drop the bag.

Drop the fuckin' bag.

Do what he says.

This guy's a fucking maniac.

Kick it over to me.

Kick it over to me.

Kick it over, man.

Nobody needs to get hurt.

OK, kick it over to me right now.

Kick it over to me right now.

Are you fucking serious?

Come on, guys, stop fucking around.