Station 19

I know it's been a long night, team,

and we have a long shift ahead of us,

but I want you all to know that Diane.

Jack. Don't worry.

I got a rapid test this morning,

so I'm clean as a whistle.

What are y What is she

I asked her to come.

There's been a death, and you are all grieving,

so I asked her to come.

I'm sorr You me.

You talking about George Floyd? You brought in a therapist

to help us process the death of George Floyd?

I did.

I feel powerless to help,

and this felt like something I could do.

There are not many fire captains

who would treat a moment of national crisis

like an internal tragedy, and your captain is.

I respect it,

so I'm honored to be here to help however I can.

I don't need you to talk about Mr. Floyd.

I'm not gonna make you talk to me at all.

This isn't mandatory.

I'm just here if you need me.

You're bold, and you're trying.

Right or wrong, you tried something today.

You tried something to help.

Thank you.

I love you.

How do you do it? I mean, how do you.

I-I-I know you have to be as shaken up as I am,

so how do you.

How do I do my job? Well, yeah.

You fought a fire this morning.

How did you do it?

I pushed my pain aside and did what had to be done.

Same.

I saw what happened to Dean Miller.

He's suing the police department,

and he's right to do it.

But?

But, - it it makes me uncomfortable.

Because he's a firefighter

and we're supposed to shut up and look pretty?

No, because when the police

made me lie down on the street like an animal

during a routine traffic stop.

You didn't sue.

I didn't do much of anything at all.

I did yell, you know, whi which was.

I feel like a hypocrite.

A hypocrite? Yeah. I have two kids.

I have a new son since we last spoke.

Congratulations. Thanks.

You get any sleep? Well, he's 18, so, you know...

While I'm not losing sleep because of him.

You're losing sleep over him.

Yeah.

Anyway, m-my wife and I, we

we gave "the talk"

and explained that young Black men

don't get to behave any old way they want

when dealing with the police.

We told them to do whatever it took to get home safe.

But when I had a run-in with the police myself,

I I-I yelled at that officer

as he got into his car.

I mean, if my boys had yelled at a cop like that, I.

You'd be upset with them?

Well, hell, yes, I'd be upset!

I'd...

But I'd also be proud.

U Because they'd be right.

You know, I was right.

Miller was right.

But y-you can't do that.

You can't yell at a cop because, you know, w

because they've got a gun, you know?

They're given authority.

They have the power t.

D-Do you have kids?

Three teenagers.

Wow. Okay, so, you get just how frustrating

and infuriating it is to pour every ounce

of energy and brain power you have

into them to to try and mold them

into confident young men

to make them honestly believe

that they can accomplish anything,

to to work so hard to get them to s-stand tall

and feel good in their own skin

only to then have to tell them that

because of the color of that skin,

they have to shrink

when in the presence of a police officer.

Do you tell them that?

Do you tell them to shrink?

No.

No, I I don't tell them to shrink.

I

I tell them to stand with dignity,

and I tell them to de-escalate.

I-I tell them that in any confrontational situation,

their job is to de-escalate.

But it should be the cop's job.

You're right. It should.

So, let me just make sure I have this straight.

You're mad at yourself that you didn't do more

after that cop treated you that way,

and you're mad at yourself that you didn't do less

after that cop treated you that way.

Because Miller's doing more,

and because you want your boys to do less.

Look

I'm exhausted, you know?

I'm exhausted by navigating a a w a world

that sees me and and my kids as a threat.

I mean, it's it's this

it's this constant nagging worry

that that never goes away.

And I-if I do manage to forget and just

you know, just exist

a comment or a look

or the news that a man has been killed in the street

reminds me that I have to be careful.

And And it steals all of my mental and emotional energy

that I should be giving to my wife

and my kids and my health.

Is something going on with your health?

Being Black in America is a life-threatening condition.

Other than that.

Seattle protests continued late into the evening last night

with police presence on the scene.

Should we go?

Can we?

I mean, after shift.

No, still can we? You mean.

Because we're FD.

I mean, is that an official policy?

Do they have to say anything? We know.

Well, it's a free country, so...

In theory.

But the Department's a public entity.

And the protests are considered anti-police.

'Cause asking for our right to live

is inherently anti-police,

and nobody seems to

realize that's the problem.

Any takers?

Just one, so far.

And you. What?

Sit. No, I'm not.

You're what? You're You're You're not grieving?

You had a happy little firehouse

where everyone was best friends

and racial disparity was not a hot topic.

And now? Everything has changed.

Everything and nothing.

I know fire.

I mean, I'm the person that studies them for fun.

But this fire.

This fire is beneath our feet.

It's built into every foundation

our history, language, n-news coverage.

It's everywhere. I mean, we vent fires

to let out the hot smoke and gasses

so that we can contain the fire,

but I don't see how we can contain this,

let alone put it out.

And growing up, we were taught about.

Black history and the Civil Rights movement.

We were taught to believe that they had beat it.

And I think, on some level,

that belief was still inside of me,

because I didn't listen to Dean, and I didn't listen

to the mothers of those kidnapped girls,

and I am so embarrassed saying that to you.

Well, you were taught that in school,

and probably also at home.

And that teaching,

it's the coal that keeps the fire hot.

When I was a child

and I learned about the Native American genocide,

I pictured one small village

one small village of men with feathers in their hair

who gave the white people turkey

and then got mad that they wouldn't leave.

Now, I pictured it because

those were the literal pictures in my history books.

And even though I knew

that my people had been stolen from their homes

and brought here chained up on ships,

somehow, I believed that textbook.

I was 35 years old when I learned that in 1492,

Columbus sailed the ocean blue,

and in the wake of that,

millions upon millions of people

who had been living here for 15,000 years

were extinguished.