Modern Family

Jay and I are partners in a parking lot.

It's added a wonderful, new dynamic to our relationship.

The first step was hiring someone to man the booth.

We narrowed it down to the two candidates who applied.

I don't think it should be,

"I hope there's a place to park

"near where I love to have lunch."

I think it should be,

"I hope there's a place to have lunch

"near where I love to park."

Huh?

So, Tibor,

tell us why you're excited about a career in parking.

Is good.

That's a tough one.

My top three...

- Destiny's Child... - Oh.

- Janet Jackson... - Yes.

and my fave Metallica.

Oh, my goodness, you are so complex.

Tibor, what are your favorite kinds of music?

Tibor.

Is good?

Oh-oh.

Well, I think the choice is clear.

- Joan. - Tibor.

- Tibor? - I like his energy.

- He doesn't have any. - Well, I like Joan. She's fun.

Take her to the movies. This is a business.

Uh-oh.

Looks like we're at a stand-off.

God, not the coin.

Even super-duper pals like Jay and I disagree sometimes,

so... I dreamed up this baby.

If it comes up Phil, I win.

If it comes up Jay, he wins.

He hated this, but I told him,

"The coin adds 10 pounds."

*MODERN FAMILY* Season 08 Episode 20 "ALL Things Being Equal"

So, how hard-core is this march going to be?

Just a peaceful gathering of women

working towards the same goal of equality.

We're not burning bras or anything.

Good, 'cause I just got my first one.

I'm not torching it before Naomi's sleepover.

This is a really exciting time for you, Lily.

This is your first taste of feminism.

We're all here as your mentors...

or "womentors".

Hmm?

Come on, I just coined that.

We fake-laughed at "sheroic."

The well is dry.

This stupid traffic!

Look at all these women in these cars, Lily.

It's so inspiring.

All for one!

- One for all... - I am gonna cut around these idiots!

What was that?

Somebody shot out the tire!

Really? That's where you go with this?

It was a pothole.

The dashboard is going crazy.

It's a flat tire. Perfect.

I wouldn't know about "flat."

Phil! Phil!

We have a problem.

Aww... "we"?

I'm trying to get to that bakery that makes those bear claws.

That chatterbox you and your coin hired

is clogging up our parking lot.

Oh, great. There goes eight bucks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is this an official partners' meeting?

Hold on.

Good morning and welcome.

Partners present...

- Phil Dunphy... - Put down your stupid notebook.

You're the one who wanted to hire her.

You've got to tell her to speed it up or hit the road.

I want you to know that I hear you

and will address this post-haste.

Now, if we could move on to some unfinished business

from the last meeting, um...

"My feelings are still hurt

"from you telling me

"all the places you want me to put the coin."

Ah, it's after ten o'clock...

too late to eat a bear claw now,

I'll be too sugared up for my nap.

Everything's ruined.

Hey. You look busy.

Oh, yeah, well, I'm just putting the finishing touches

on the costumes for this year's school musical.

You mean the one that's supposedly based on your life,

but is a beat-for-beat rip-off of "The Wizard of Oz"?

Mine is the story of a precocious farm kid

who takes a magical journey to the big city.

How is that "Wizard of Oz"?

Cam, you have a Tin Man.

That's our high-school mascot.

We were the Mighty Milk Jugs.

You know this.

Hi, Pam.

Hey, y'all.

Listen, upstairs in the kitchen...

- Mm-hmm. - is there, um...

one of those, uh...

you know, things that, uh...

Wait, what were you asking me?

- Pam, are... are you okay? - Oh, honey, you look exhausted.

The baby didn't sleep again

last night.

I'll tell you, I haven't been this out of sorts

since that twister lifted up our house.

- Told ya. - That wind was so strong

- it shucked all our corn. - Mm-hmm.

It was like... whenev...

- She sleeping? - No, she's fine.

Our plough horse used to do the same thing.

- Baby's crying. - Okay, why don't I put this on pause.

I'll come up and help you out for a little bit.

Oh, maybe Mitchell should help.

- He's just so good with baby Calhoun. - Aww.

I ought to call you "Uncle Secret Touch".

That seems like a "500 feet away from a playground" kind of nickname.

But I will be happy to help.

Okay, well, I'll just be down here, in case nobody needs me.

Hey, wh-why don't you head upstairs.

I-I'll be right up, okay?

Oh, thank you.

You know, you try to hide it,

but you are a sensitive soul...

"Uncle Sneaky Feeler".

Yeah, before we go wide with that,

let's, um... not. Okay.

Cam.

What? I think it's great that she's asking you

to help out with baby Cal

instead of his own flesh and blood.

I guess the only thing I'm good for

is putting on a wig and taking her SATs.

I cannot believe you're jealous.

I'm hardly jealous. I'm much too busy.

Oh, finishing the flying monkeys?

They're not flying monkeys.

Let me ask you... what do you think happens

to possums during a tornado?

Ugh.

Park it over there, next to that Buick.

There he is.

Hey, Joan. How's everything down here today?

Putting cars in spaces and smiles on faces.

Well, except for yours.

What's wrong?

Oh, no, I'm good. Yeah, definitely good.

Phil... if there's two things I know...

it's people and parking.

And you look like you trying to get out of a tough spot.

You see right through me.

There was an issue at our partners' meeting.

Hold on one second.

Hey, sugar!

All right, girl, how was the office party?

I kept all my clothes on this time.

And you were right...

I stayed away from mixers and I'm not hungover!

See?!

You can't lose if it's nothing but booze.

That deserves...

confetti bomb!

You're the greatest.

Park it over there by that blue Toyota.

My girl!

She is a bit of a drinker,

so I like to give her a lot of space.

All right. Now, what did you want to talk about?

Nothing. Everything here is perfect.

- Well, almost. - Something on your mind?

No, but something is on my feet all day... me.

How 'bout... a gel mat for the booth?

Oh, I'm getting you a mat...

'cause you're all that.

Ooh! Ha ha!

I love that!

Confetti bomb!

It wasn't like I was checking up on him.

I had my nap and I came by for an afternoon claw.

I don't have a lot going on right now.

I think it's this one.

Hey, guys, why don't we just call roadside assistance?

I'm sure they'll send somebody.

If today is all about girl power,

why can't we just fix it ourselves?

I knew we shouldn't have brought her.

It's funny...

we've only been volunteering here

- at the women's march for an hour... - Five minutes.

but it already feels like I'm part of something big,

something really special.