Ashens and the Polybius Heist

Ow!

Hello. Didn't see you there.

I knew someone was after my treasures.

Everyone said I was out of my mind.

Do I look unstable to you, huh?

Well, I've learned never to answer that question

when it's being asked by somebody holding a gun.

Hey, you're that famous collective collectables guy!

Rations or something like that.

Well, Ashens, actually.

Well, technically Stuart Ashen.

Ashens is like a name I use in social media.

Kind of a branding thing. You know, SEO and all that,

but yes, I am a collector of incredibly rare,

but totally worthless collectibles.

Whatever, just put my Delta Attack down

and I might let you walk out of here alive.

Well, it'd be difficult to walk out of here dead, wouldn't it?

That game is staying in my collection.

- It's not yours. - It bloody is!

It belongs in the Center for Computing History.

I'm afraid not, Mr. Ashens.

Time to die!

Hello, gentlemen.

Hand it over.

Thank you, Dr. Ashen.

You lose again.

Oh, well, that's gone then.

Ah, where did you get that gun from?

They're very hard to get ahold of in this country.

Oh, from my father.

Funny thing, didn't even have any bullets.

Then why did you let him take the game?

Oh, just got caught up in the moment I suppose.

Wait, what was your name again?

It's Ashen, Stuart Ashen.

Whatever.

Whoa!

What did you go and do that for?

- Do what? - I had it under control.

Stuart, it was just a bit fun. It's nice for me to get one over you once in a while.

Fine.

- Any new jobs on the go? - Uh, we've got a Mr. Stockton.

He wants you to locate a Modular Tatboy 3000.

And we have a Miss Causon who is looking

for a sticker album she had when she was 12.

And of course we've had five calls

from people who want us to pick up their rubbish.

We really need to change this company's name.

Are you just saying that because you want your name on the door?

No. Well, yes.

- I deserve it. - Look, mate, you're still learning the ropes.

A bit of patience.

Fine.

Hey, uh, can you guys collect some of my old mattresses?

No, we're a collection service, not a collections agency.

So, what do you collect?

Collectibles.

There's good money in rubbish collection.

You should think about it.

Yeah, thanks.

Oh, what are you looking at there?

Well, I was just doing a little bit of research

in the University Library Archive

and I came across this.

It's very strange.

Upright arcade cabinet, early field vectors,

all prototypes forcibly recalled.

Is this the Polybius?

Are you researching the Polybius?

You've heard of the Polybius?

The infamous arcade game that can control people's minds.

Benny, that's just a myth

gamers tell to scare one another.

Well, I'm not so sure, Ashens.

I mean, from my initial research,

it was an upright game that was released

into arcades circa 1981.

I've heard this bedtime story, too.

Yeah, the game was strangely addictive and people

would fight each other for the next go on it.

And if you got the high score,

you entered some sort of euphoric trance.

Here, I've got a book on it.

Look.

Dangerous side effects, strange behavior,

even rumors of some fatalities.

But then the men in black suits came and...

never heard of again.

People have been chasing this myth for 30 years.

Look at the amount of documentation here.

This doesn't look like a myth.

Well, it does seem legitimate.

Hey, check this out.

This must be the bloke who developed it.

Hey!

where are you going?

Guess bingo night's canceled.

Father, look what I got at the 50p shop.

Very nice.

Now, sit up and pay attention.

Your father has to go away for a little while,

but before I do I want to tell you a story.

A story about your grandfather, Woodwood Ashen.

In this box is the culmination of his work.

The Ashen Portable Mini Electric Organ.

He managed to get it patented, but all it ever did was this.

He thought he'd make his fortune from that.

All he ever accomplished...

was leaving your grandmother and me penniless.

I promised one day I would make her proud of me

and now I finally created something that will help me fulfill that promise, but...

it has been taken from me!

I must do everything I can to get it back.

I want you to have these.

Your grandfather made them just before he died.

They were supposed to enable endless free play

on arcade games, but of course all they ever did

was shorted everything out.

They will serve as a reminder

to focus on things that really matter.

Now, I must go.

But before I go, remember I...

Remember...

Remember to mow the lawn well and regularly.

Always use the best lawnmower you can possible afford.

It's important for the health of the grass.

Goodbye.

Daddy?

Professor?

Professor?

Don't say a word.

What are you wearing?

It's a migraine machine, but I'm not sure whether

it creates them or cures them.

Fascinating, yeah, look, Professor,

please tell me everything you know about the Polybius.

No, Stuart, no.

Don't even think about it. It's way too dangerous.

So, the legend is true?

Well, I mean this is what I've heard.

It was the early 1980s and video games were exploding.

I don't mean literally exploding

like the rapid exchange of combustible energy.

I mean economically exploding.

I understand, yeah, yeah.

So, money was flooding into the market,

and a shady military organization funded a brilliant,

but psychotic developer who was developing games

that could exploit the feelings of players.

You know, a bit like VR today, only good.

And the prototype was called Polybius.

There were terrible side effects,

but the developer wouldn't stop.

He carried on developing it

until the project was terminated.

He must've been a complete lunatic,

completely devoid of humanity.

Completely and utterly inhumanly corrupt!

He must've been an absolute psychotic monster!

Professor, I think that man was my father.

I'm so sorry, Stuart.

I'm sure he must've been lovely in other ways.

He wasn't and I haven't seen or heard from him

since the Polybius supposedly disappeared.

Stuart, you've got to let this one go. It's far too dangerous.

If you find it and fell into the wrong hands,

it would be very, very bad news.

I think it already has.

From what we found in the University Archives,

we think the prototype may be being held in this building.

Which is owned by Antony Agonist,

a cretin who had the Museum of Local History demolished

so he could build his sterile headquarters on it.

I dread to think what he's got planned for the Polybius.

I really must stop putting

so much of this oil on my hands.

Sorry, you were saying.

Professor, what do you think I should do?

I'm sorry, Stuart, I can't tell you that.

You'll have to decide for yourself.

But, you know, best of luck saving the world or not.

It's totally up to you.

No pressure.

Thanks, Professor.

Whoa, oh, I'm sorry.

Let me see.

- Hello, Christine. - Stuart.

Can I come in?

Sorry, yes, of course.

I see you're still very keen on the old lawnmowers.

Yes, here's my new purchase.

- The Stingray 3000. - Um, yeah.

Very, very nice.

Look, Chris, I have something I've got to ask you.

Have you ever heard of the Polybius?

No, what's that?

I think it was the project that, um...

that father was working on before he abandoned us.

Oh, suddenly you're interested