Standby

When you play the game of life, you've got trouble, you've got strife

Jack o' Diamonds is a hard card to find

Life's like a game of cards, but it's very, very hard

Jack o' Diamonds is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Well, they say that ace is high, but I know that that's a lie

Jack o' Diamonds is a hard card to find

The Queen of Hearts is way above 'cause her heart is singing love

Jack o' Diamonds is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Jack o' Diamonds

Jack o' Diamonds, Diamonds Is a hard card to find

Diamonds is a hard card to find

Diamonds is a hard card to find

There you go, lads! First one's on me.

- Thanks, Paul. - Cheers.

I definitely missed a couple of notes in that solo.

I'm tellin' ya, I didn't notice.

- Three rum and coke, please. - Comin' right up.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Nice set. - Thanks a lot.

I like your glasses.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Not too hipster? - It's a fine line.

So you're into skiffle?

Yeah. Yeah, well, didn't have the hair for disco.

- What about you? - Yeah, love it.

- Really? - Who wouldn't!

It's not everyone's thing,

but my folks used to play it all the time, Lonnie Donegan...

She is so great.

Yeah. Right.

- What? - Nothing. Just...

Lonnie Donegan was a bloke.

Oh, right, yeah.

- I mean, it's no big deal. - Sure.

- It was nothing. - I know.

- Cool. - Yeah.

- Great. - You know what? It's fine.

Forget it.

Asshole!

You know, somewhere the ghost of Lonnie Donegan

is wondering why you have a dick and he hasn't.

Yeah, we're not doing gigs like this for the money, man.

Do your girlfriends know that, do they?

Just want a bit of honesty. Is that too much to ask?

Every relationship starts off with at least one lie.

- You're tellin' me? - You know what I mean.

For every 'Puppy Love', there's a hundred 'Heard it Through the Grapevine'

or 'Yesterday' or... 'The Sign'.

Ace of Base.

Read the lyrics, man. It's deeper than you think.

Why can't people be honest right from the start?

If you have to lie to keep the relationship goin', then what is the point, okay?

- Save yourself the tears. - You've had a rough time of it lately.

- It's time to... get back in the saddle. - Paul, you're his old man. Say something.

- Alan will know when the time is right. - Thank you.

Maybe stop tellin' 'em you live with your dad.

What am I gonna do? Put a table cloth over ya?

Most women expect a few white lies at the start.

- Here we go. - Here's the bottom line:

no girl wants a basket of your dirty underwear on the first date date

and if they do, it's only because their knickers are even scuzzier than yours

and you do not want to go down that spiral, my friend.

The night is young, you know? Let's see what happens.

Good luck.

- So, how's the day looking? - Busy enough.

They rang in with one free room. A couple of others around, but not many.

Brilliant. Remind me again what our job is?

We love Dublin.

Thanks, mum.

- Morning, Beatrice. - Morning, darling.

- Doesn't he work in the pharmacy? - He gives me discount on nicotine patches.

Next.

- City centre? - No!

- Grafton Street? - No!

It just kept raining 24 hours a day! How do you do anything here?

And the price of your sandwiches! Where do I begin?

I'm sure I went to school with you.

- Your name's Alan, right? - Yeah.

So, for kids?

Next.

How about I just write down Bono's address?

- Croke Park? - No.

- Departures. - Yes!

- Upstairs. - Gracias !

Meant to say, I think there's something over there for ya. Just arrived.

Just a bit of fun.

Yeah, yeah, it's...

You had me fooled there for a second.

So?

I go for dinner with this guy the other night.

- The pharmacy guy? - Oh, please!

No, this guy, he shows me a picture of his car on his phone.

It's a 1.9 litre Mazda. It's a 1.9 litre Mazda!

What is wrong with men here?

Mam.

You Irish are fucked up.

Jesus Christ.

I need an ATM machine.

Sure, yeah, it's just across the hall there.

I need a room. Any kind of room. I don't mind.

- I can't see it. - It's right there.

Where? I can only see a shop over there. Are you saying it's in the shop?

Should I ask them where it is?

Next.

Am I talking to myself?

Where is it? Where?

There. Right there.

I think my colleague might be able to help you.

Okay.

Hey!

Hey!

So you didn't totally disappear off the planet, then?

- Still here. - You always said Ireland was small.

Yeah, I did warn ya.

- We should probably hug or something. - Yeah, don't mind.

Okay.

- Are we hugging? - Sorry. I thought you didn't want to.

- Definitely. Or whatever. - Okay.

You're more hands on than the Paris tourist office, I'll give you that.

I've just got to run down to the bank before lunch.

There was a message for ya.

Thanks.

So... Paris? Did you say Paris?

- Job interview there. - Cool.

If I get it.

And you work here?

- Yeah, it's grand, you know. - Where's the toilets?

They're right over there. Just down there.

That's great. You're doing well.

What are you doing here?

We had an electrical problem en route. So the plane had to land here.

I'm on standby for a flight tonight or tomorrow, but I need a room.

- Do you guys do that here? - Just say the word.

Christ! Sorry!

Flynn's Hotel. They have a room.

It's here.

Don't... It's... I can...

Nah. Nah.

Thanks.

Next.

I should get out of your way.

- Happy Valentine's Day. - You too.

So you do what to this girl?

We worked together about eight years ago. I was on a student visa in the States.

You love her?

There was talk of me staying, maybe getting hitched.

Married.

Do you have to do this with every girl you met?

It was for a Green Card to keep me working there.

- You were going to pay to marry her? - Why the hell would I do that?

Jesus Christ! Your English is shit! Be fucking clearer?

We wanted to keep things going between us, you know. See if we had something.

- The Green Card was her idea. - And you fucked it up?

Why do you think it was me that fucked it up?

It's 50/50. More than likely, it's you, no?

We were both twenty. Okay? Very twenty.

- What does it matter now anyway? - Maybe this is a second chance.

It could be fate.

- You always say you don't believe in fate. - Yes, because I have thought about it a lot.

You? You could definitely believe in this bullshit.

Look, it's not like I haven't been able to stop thinking about her all these years.

I have. I just haven't been able to forget her either.

And she is somewhere out there right now.

I didn't exactly leave things on the best of terms back in the day.

You should've brought her to your place. Who know what happens?

She's probably got a boyfriend anyway.

- You're so stuck in your pants! - I'm not stuck in my pants.

Every day you're closer to dying alone with nothing but a blanket of shit around you.

- A blanket of... - A blanket of shit, Alan!

That's great. Lovely thing to say to me.

- How's the head? - Grand.

Hola , Beatrice.

I was thinking about our gig last night. Maybe we need a new band photo.

What's wrong with the one we have?

Well, I just think we've moved on from our hillbilly goth phase.

True. Talking of changes...

maybe it's time we started playing weddings.

You want our band to play Sting, is that what you want? Fields of fuckin' Gold!

Come on, man, it's been over a year now.

It's not about that. If we go down that road, there's no more real gigs left.

And you know that, right? Is that what you want?

We could all do with a bit of extra dough.

I've been trying to finish the jacks in me gaff for the last 12 months.

I don't mind,

but Deirdre's getting tired of the neighbours watching her do her business.

My sister's got us an easy gig. It's a grand each.

- I'm not playing weddings. - I can't hear a word you're saying, man!

- Look, you think about it, yeah? - I'm not...

I'm not playing...

Thanks very much. Bye.