Tyler Perry's A Madea Family Funeral

All right.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Hello.

Hey!

Hey, sis! You made it.

- Oh, yes, I did. - Mmm!

Hey. - Will, you look good.

Oh, I didn't know you were helping.

Yes, I wanted to. - Aw.

Renee has been right here, helping us with Mama and Daddy.

Oh, stop.

What's up, what's up?

Ah.

Well, hey there, little brother.

- What's up? - Uh-huh.

- You lookin' happy. - All right, all right.

I am. I'm engaged.

- Oh, well, congrats! - Thank you.

Yeah, she clearly ain't too fond of her.

- How'd you meet her? She works with A.J.

And he's not too fond of her either.

Hey, congrats, man.

Thank you.

I'll tell you about it later.

I'm sure you will.

Wow, this looks great.

Renee brought the flowers.

Oh! Mama's gonna love these.

- She will. -

- Mmm. - Daddy, too.

Thank you so much for helping us, Renee.

I would do anything for your mama and daddy.

- I love 'em so much. - I know.

You always have.

So, are you picking up the cake?

No. Uncle Heathrow said he got somebody to take care of it.

What? No. No way. Oh, no.

- No. That's not happening. What's wrong?

You know he's half-crazy.

I heard that.

Uncle Heathrow! Who's picking up the cake?

Don't worry about it.

I wanted to do something, so I got it covered.

Oh, okay.

We can't let him get that cake.

How about you pick up the crackers?

I'm bringing the cake.

Let him do it.

It's their anniversary. It's too important.

Give him something to do.

The cake will be sexually explicit. No.

You right, it will be sexually explicit. I want a old chick on a cat.

- That's it.

I'm calling Donovan.

Okay. We'll just have a backup.

Of course.

So, is this fiancée of yours coming to the anniversary party?

Yes.

Good. We'll get to meet her then.

That's right. Thank you.

And you,

don't start with me, okay?

I won't.

Uh-huh. Or her, either.

Thank you.

You know, she's just always looking out for us.

I know. Sometimes too much.

Hey, somebody need to wash their ass.

- - Did he just say that?

Girl, you know him. He always says what's on his mind.

I don't know, he kinda funny.

When you jacked up like this, all you can do is laugh and hump,

- and screw. - Hey, Uncle Heathrow.

Hey. How are you?

I'm good,

Okay, great. Who are you?

I'm Sylvia, your granddaughter?

And that's my husband, Will.

You just ruined a crippled man dream.

Oh!

Is Madea and Joe here yet?

You invited them?

Hell, yes, I did.

- - This is supposed to be for family.

They are family. You married into this.

You are not family.

- You a in-law. - Yeah, they should be here.

You know how Daddy feels about them.

Hey, they're still family. And they're funny.

- - If you say so.

Look, this is a special anniversary.

Oh, anniversary is crazy. Don't ever get married.

That's a waste of time.

Well, uh, I'm getting married.

Oh, congratulations. What's his name?

I ain't gay, Uncle Heathrow.

Then why are your pants so tight?

That's it. Get out. Out!

That's it, son.

Get out. Of the closet.

Look, I have a beautiful fiancée, all right?

And you will get a chance to meet her this weekend.

And I love her, just like you loved our grandmother.

I was so happy when she died.

Losing my legs was easier than dealing with her every day.

And she smelled like sanitation.

Okay, stop that.

Who are you calling?

That better not be a drug dealer.

Hello. Yeah, I'm running low on my prescription.

I mean it!

- - What are you saying?

You better get your ass away from me 'fore I mess you up.

- Ah, goddamn. - Who that?

Oh, Lord. It's Heathrow.

That's our brother. Answer the phone.

I don't like talking to Heathrow on the phone.

- That thing he talk with vibrate my ears. - Okay. Mmm.

Make my ear about to have a orgasm.

Give me the phone, let me answer it.

No, no, no. We don't wanna see or hear you have a orgasm.

Ain't that the truth. Ain't that the damn truth. Not up in here.

Still don't hear her have no organism.

Now, I don't know about that, Barn, you might not...

- I might wanna see that. -

- Joe. -

That's Heathrow. Heathrow calling me again.

Joe, go on and get the phone.

I'mma put it on speaker 'cause I don't wanna...

- Hello? Y'all on the way?

- Oh! - See how that feel?

That do tickle.

- Wait. - Don't even feel right, do it?

Hello? - Oh, he can hear me.

That's making my nipples hard.

Oh, yeah, we over at Brian's house,

waiting for him to get here so he can drive us over there.

Why can't you drive yourself?

I have some vibration going on.

You know I ain't got no damn driver license.

Ain't none of us got no driver license.

We can't drive that far here.

Well, I'm here.

Oh. Well, I know, Heathrow. You can't go nowhere too far.

If your battery dead, you can't go nowhere.

Okay, when you come, bring me some of that good-good.

Heathrow, you done had that cancer from all that smoking.

That's how you got that hole in your throat.

You ain't supposed to be smoking nothing.

Well, we all gonna die from something.

This fool crazy. He getting ready to die.

I'm looking at a few girls

planning to kill a few men, if you know what I mean.

You still on the phone with Uncle Joe?

I'm talking to one of my hos.

All right, fine, I'll see you when you get there.

Get off that phone!

I can't stand his ass sometimes, you know.

- He just always that... Excuse me.

Oh, you here. All right, hang on...

- I wasn't talking about you. -

I wasn't talking about you at all.

I'll see you when you get here.

- Thank you. Okay.

Why you didn't tell me to hang up the damn phone?

I thought you did.

He's sitting there listening. Ain't nothing wrong with his ears.

- What'd he say? - I had the phone on speaker.

You didn't hear?

He said, “Hurry up and get down here." And he want to smoke.

How long they been married?

They tell me 40-something years they been married.

Forty years. I can't imagine waking up, looking at the same ass every day.

You need to trade ass in every few years.

Wouldn't nobody be married to you for 40-something seconds.

Do you know what you smell like?

Marriage is a beautiful thing. I love it.

I love it, I love it.

Oh, she's so damn dramatic.

You know, I think I'd like to get married.

You killed your last three husbands.

What you wanna get married for again?

Do you know that bastard had the audacity to come talking to me about some hos?

Uh. We get it, we get it.

- Right. We get it.

What? I ain't do nothing but give him a little painless anti-freeze.

Yep, well, she anti-froze him. Anti-froze all his organs.

I'm so glad I'm single.

Ain't seen old Heathrow in all this here time.

Can't wait to spend a little time with him.

You know, I heard his wife died.

Well, she died, but something else died on the vine, too.

Hold on, now. That man had the finest set of legs on this here side of heaven.

Well, he don't have 'em either, Hattie.

You wait a minute, Bam. Old age ain't never stopped nobody

from having no sexiest legs.

Oh, but a doctor will.

- That ain't funny.

Joe, that ain't funny, talking about what the doctor did.