Bewitched

Enjoy your dinner?

Marvelous. Hm.

Car check, please, sir.

Mmm. Yeah, right here.

Oh. Here you go.

Phooey.

What's the matter?

I left my gloves on the table.

You're improving.

You usually remember them halfway home.

Ha-ha.

I'll go get them.

I know how I can save you the trouble.

Like this?

You want me to?

No.

I definitely, emphatically and positively do not.

Hm.

Uh... Uh, what time is the floor show?

There isn't any.

Isn't this the Club Bimbo?

No, it's, uh, La Petite Maison.

Who stole the Club Bimbo?

I'm afraid I don't know.

I get it.

Beautiful but dumb.

In that case,

let's go straight to my apartment.

No, thank you.

Look, lady.

Please. In three days I gotta be in Cleveland.

Rrr-rah!

Sir, you leave me alone...

or I promise you'll regret it.

My spirit cannot be dampened.

That's what you think.

Uh, what's going on here?

Are you her husband?

Yes, I am. Who are you?

I'm a reformed drunk.

Sam, what happened?

He tried to pick me up, so I dampened his spirit.

With real water?

By witchcraft!

Well... Well, what?

He... He was in no condition to drive.

I say the use of witchcraft

was completely uncalled for.

And I say it was my duty to the motoring public.

That's just an excuse.

You took fiendish delight in

putting that guy in his place,

and you know it.

Darrin, I resent that.

I am not a fiend.

I didn't say that. I said you took fiendish delight.

Well, you can't take fiendish delight unless you're a fiend.

You can too.

You cannot.

Boy, are you unreasonable!

No. You are.

That's what you always say.

Only as a last alternative.

In our four years of marriage,

I have been through 2856 last alternatives.

I never knew you kept score.

I don't.

I meant that as a wild exaggeration.

Samantha.

Yes, dear.

It's my considered opinion

that you use witchcraft at the drop of a hat.

And furthermore, that you love it.

Darrin, that's not your considered opinion.

You're only saying that because you're angry.

I'm not angry.

Just that I'm tired of fighting a losing battle.

So I surrender.

Let's stop being hypocrites.

Let's tell the whole world your true identity.

A-are you serious?

Why not?

Could my existence be more hectic?

Yes.

I doubt that very much.

Good night.

Sturbo vectro Wrangay zeem.

You're about To have a dream.

And in the words of a great philosopher,

it's going to be a beaut.

We'll tell the whole world I'm a witch.

Let's start with Larry Tate.

Come in.

Larry, uh, do you have a minute to talk to us?

To you, a minute, to Samantha, a lifetime.

Oh.

What brings you to our happy little jungle?

I do.

It's all Darrin's idea.

We have something to tell you.

Let's see if I can guess.

My guess is he'll never guess.

I, uh, think we'd better sit down.

Sure.

It isn't your marriage, is it?

Yes, i-it's our marriage.

Well...

my advice is to just roll with the punches.

Larry, you don't understand.

Don't be greedy, Darrin.

You've had four good years,

and now that they're over, cherish them.

Aww. That's a lovely thought, Larry.

May I write it down?

So when you yell and scream at each other...

do it with kindness.

Larry, that isn't our problem.

Our problem is me.

Samantha... is different.

From whom?

From you and me.

Well, naturally.

I'm a man, and you're a man. And she's a woman.

No, she isn't.

She isn't a woman?

No.

I see.

Congratulations, sir.

That's an amazing disguise.

Darrin means that I am not a mortal woman.

I'm a witch.

Okay, kids. You got your laugh.

Now, run along and let me go back to work.

Larry, we're not kidding.

My wife is a witch.

Darrin, if you want a vacation, ask for it.

You don't have to go through this fruitcake routine.

Larry...

I am a full-fledged, card-carrying,

cauldron-stirring witch.

All right, witch-wife.

Show me the old black magic.

Where'd she go?

Uh.

Well, that... Ha-ha.

That, uh... ha-ha,

was... Was done with mirrors.

Oh, uh... How many mirrors? Two?

You had them up your sleeves.

Well, uh, h-how about two big mirrors?

The, uh...

The little ones were expandable.

Are you all right, Larry?

Samantha?

Yes, Larry?

With my brains... and your voodoo...

we can control the world!

Uh, Larry, let me explain how we made the adjustment in the past

and how we hope to make the adjustment in the future.

Never mind the petty details.

Sam, with you on my team, a-at a generous salary,

I can juggle the stock market

and seize control of the national economy!

That's true, Larry, but...

Today the nation, tomorrow the world!

Larry, take it easy!

I can't! I'm mad with power!

Well, we're not.

We don't want to use my witchcraft

to rule the world. That's right.

I'm sure when you've had time to think it over, you'll decide...

I'll decide I want to rule the world.

I've wanted to rule the world ever since I was a little kid.

Oh.

We're sorry, Larry. We really are.

But just because you two don't want anything for yourselves...

let's not forget old Lar.

"Old Lar"?

I should be entitled to a...

modest amount of fallout, shall we say?

Just out of loyalty and friendship.

Larry, we refuse to use Samantha's power

for material gains for ourselves or anyone else!

Are you sore because I want a piece of the action?

There isn't gonna be any of that kind of action!

All right, forget it.

Forgive me for being pushy.

I thank you for the information, and, uh...

now I find myself running late.

So, uh...

Sam.

Darrin.

Just one more thing. Yes, Larry?

You're fired.

Hmm.

Larry wasn't a very good sport about that, was he?

Maybe it was just a fluke.

Let's see what happens when we tell the Kravitzes.

Oh, please. Come in.

Go ahead, honey.