Kanjoos Makhichoos (कंजूस मक्खीचूस)

'Lucknow city.. '

'the city of Nawabs. '

'I stay in a small society of this huge city. '

'And I am Jamna Prasad Pandey, son of Ganga Prasad Pandey. '

'This is my comedy story full of suspense and drama. '

Where was he going so late in the night?

Hail to lord 'Mahadev' (Hindu God).

Shower your grace on all but start with me first.

I am Jamuna Prasad pandey and my caste is Vishwamitra.

Hey! Hey, Krish!

Wake up! It's not Sunday. You've to go to school.

Wake up or I will break your back.

Madhuri!

Yes, Mr Pandey!

I am awake. Bring me the rolling pin.

I am getting it.

It's completely empty.

Whole family can brush their teeth with this for more 3 days.

Oh God!

Shall I get ask neighbours to give their empty toothpaste tubes?

Don't even think about it.

Dad! - Why did you ask then?

Come, my son!

Let's go and take a bath.

We will. But first come and brush your teeth.

"One should take bath with cold water." Great!

Come, son! I will wash you quickly.

Dad! - Yes, my son!

We have a bathroom in the house but we still bathe here. Why?

You're a child. You won't get it now.

We need to pay for the water that we get through tape.

And when the God has given us such a huge river in free...

shouldn't we take free baths? Tell me!

Why don't we ask our neighbour Pinki to take bath with us then?

You have become really smart, son!

Pinki!

Dad! - Yes!

I am feeling cold. Why don't you install a water heater?

Water heater? - Yes!

You need a strong heart to install a water heater.

And you know that your dad doesn't have that kind of money.

You will also become strong like this.

Show me your muscles, my son!

Let's go! Go and get ready first.

You go first, I will wash clothes and come.

Go! Go! Run!

Oh man!

Mom!

I have bathed. I've left a tub full of water.

Ask Madhuri to use that for cleaning.

Shall we both take a bath with that water, if you say?

Don't you dare think that!

What's this? You only got 10 ladyfingers.

Mom, it's not just 10, it's total 100gm of ladyfinger.

Two ladyfingers per person, so it becomes 10 for 5 people.

Potatoes will be added in it.

We can also eat it in Th evening.

What a miser son I have! - Thank you!

Mom, give me some tea. - It's kept there.

Give him some tea! As if!

Jamna! Hey, Jamna!

Yes, dad! - My phone fell and its screen broke. Get it repaired.

You broke a 3000 rupee phone, dad. Be careful please.

Man!

I don't think that it needs to be repaired.

But I can't see who is calling.

But you can still hear. Pick and ask who is calling.

But, man! - One second! It's ringing.

Hello! Who's this?

Uncle! Greetings!

Dad is here. Talk to him.

It's uncle. See how I found who was calling.

Bastard! - Hey!

No, I was not saying that to you.

You make everything about yourself.

Make some tea for me.

Why are you getting angry at me?

Speak!

Look here! Freshly ironed shirt from under the mattress.

Dad, I am impressed with your iron.

I was born to impress you, my son.

Madhuri, tiffin!

You know everything!

Wear the shirt quickly. We are getting late.

Take this.

Listen! - Tell me!

Mr Pandey!

Ask away!

Please get this lipstick for me.

It's only for 499/ - Only!

It's for 499/-. - Yes.

Have you gone crazy?

You got a free haircut. Did you get your mind cut too?

Go to the market and get the same lipstick in 15 bucks.

They are fake. It's from Coral.

Where will you go by putting this lipstick? In our society?

Okay. Don't be angry now.

Keep this photo safe. I'll get this for you for Krish's marriage.

Lord, did I do any of my prayer wrong that I got him in my fate?

I can hear that. - I want you to hear that.

Well done then!

Say 'Tata' (bye) - Both Tata and Birla to you!

Greetings, Banshi uncle! - Greetings, son!

Wow, Birju! You're brushing in early morning! - What, man!

You drunkard! Is it still not your morning yet?

Greetings, aunt Nimuri!

Hey, Jamna! Wait a minute!

Tell me one thing! Where were you going yesterday night at...

2:30 am?

Oh man! Did she see me now?

At 2:30 pm? - Yes!

Oh! You mean, at 2 hours and 30 minutes in the night! - Yes!

Exactly at 2:30 pm. - That...

One minute!

Were you attending late night classes at that time?

I... I was playing PubG.

Let that me! You tell me! Where were you going?

Me! - Yes!

I was... that...

Yes! My friend stay in a nearby village.

His sister in law's cousin's brother in law died.

They needed things for last rite. So I went to shop.

I am also going there now Greetings!

I am safe!

I see! You're pretending to be good!

I'll find if you're good or bad.

Greetings! - Greetings!

Greetings! - How are you Chotu?

Greetings, brother! - Greetings!

Is everything alright? - Yes.

Let me worship first.

"Sanskrit chanting"

"Sanskrit chanting"

"Sanskrit chanting"

Don't be shocked, Lord Sai ! You're new here.

All of these other God know that...

I've to use this small incense stick for whole month...

and that packet for whole year.

Please forgive me!

What happened? Why're you being angry in early morning?

You save money by extinguishing that incense stick.

But you haven?t paid my salary since last two months.

What? I should give you work and then I should also pay you!

Wow! You used to roam here and there.

I gave you a place to stay.

I pay for you lodging and food.

I also got a book for you to learn English.

You got that book from waste.

You also take this electricity fuse with you in night.

Without a fan, mosquitoes bite me in night.

I brought that China fan for you. Where is that?

This one! It doesn't give any air.

Now you need air too!

This is Chinese fan. Hold it and move your head like this.

It will give air.

Focus on the job now. - Take this, Jamna!

Shivhari, have you started distributing posters now?

Yes! I wanted to collect some purities by serving society.

Give me some more then!

I'll also give them to my friends and gather some purities.

Okay then! Greetings! - Greetings!

Chotu! - Yes, brother!

Take them all. We can use them to pack things.

"Place me in your heart's mobile...

"like a sim, darling."

"Place me in you heart's mobile, like a sim, darling."

What are you playing?

What happened?

Play songs according to your age.

Try singing some holy songs sometime.

These are holy songs of this time.

If you want to send a message to God...

use mobile instead of a temple...

and use hashtag instead of forehead mark.

My every holy song is generally...

trending in whole Lucknow.

I have 10, 000 followers. - Is it?

Oh god!

I remembered something by this.

You all should start following Jamna now.

Why? - He went somewhere at 2:30 am in night.

What, aunt! You're talking nonsense. - We don't believe you.

I swear on Facebook.

My account should get hacked if I lie.

I've seen him sometimes going out at 2:30 am in night...

using torch light.

Ganga!

Is it some matter of girl?

What if he runs away like your brother in law?

Oh God! Mom, look what she is saying!

Madhuri, you'll also become like me then and be confused...

if you're married or a widow.

Sister! - What sister?

That's why I stay online all the time.

If I find your brother in law online some time...

I go and poke him so much...

that he gets offline permanently.

No! Please don't say things like this.

Where will I find him online?

He always keeps his data turned off.