Friends

How'd someone get your credit card number?

I have no idea. Look how much they spent!

Calm down. You only have to pay for the stuff you bought.

Still, it's just such reckless spending.

When somebody steals your credit card...

...they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.

Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.

That's me.

Oh! Oh, the yuck.

He's doing it again!

Marcel, stop humping the lamp!

Stop humping! Now, Marcel, come back!

Come here, Marcel!

Oh, no, no! Not in my room! I'll get him.

You've got to do something about the humping.

What? It's just a phase.

Well, that's what we said about Joey.

Hey, would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.

Marcel, stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!

- What? Ugh!

Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.

Ugh, Monica, you are not still going over that thing.

- This woman's living my life. - What?

She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me.

Look at this. Look.

She buys tickets to plays I want to see.

She shops at stores that I'm intimidated by the salespeople.

She spent $300 on art supplies.

You're not an artist.

Yeah, well, I might be if I had the supplies.

I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't.

Oh, Monica, come on. You do cool things.

Oh, really? Let's compare, shall we?

Oh, it's so late for "shall we?"

Do I go horseback riding in the park, hmm?

Do I take classes at The New School?

- No. - No.

This is so unfair.

She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.

How about Joey Paponi?

No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral.

Joey Switzerland?

Plus I think it should be Joe. Joey makes me sound like I'm...

...this big.

Which I'm not!

Joe, Joe, Joe... Stalin?

Stalin.

Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.

- Well, it does not ring a bell with me. - Huh.

Joe Stalin.

You know, that's pretty good.

- You might want to try Joseph. - Ah!

Joseph Stalin!

- I think you'd remember that! - Oh, yes!

Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin.

Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hi.

Hi. Uh, yes, this is Monica Geller.

Um, I'm taking classes with you, and I was wondering what they were.

What are you doing?

All right, great.

Great. Thanks a lot.

I'm going to tap class.

So you can dance with the woman that stole your card?

She's got my life. I want to see who she is.

Go to the post office! I'm sure her picture's up!

Honey, you're kind of losing it here.

This is really becoming a weird obsession.

This is madness, I tell you.

For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!

Thank you.

What do you think?

Lots of things.

Which one do you think she is?

- May I help you? - Oh, no, thanks.

We're just here to observe.

You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class!

Spare shoes are over there.

What does she mean?

I think she means, "You dance...

...a dance class!"

Come on, come on, come on!

Really?

Hey, do you see anybody you think could be me?

People, last time there were yogurt containers lying around after class.

Let's not have that happen again!

She could be you.

Let's get started.

Five, six. Five, six, seven, eight.

Okay, I'm not getting this!

I'm totally getting it!

Do you ever just feel like you're so unbelievably uncoordinated?

What? You just click when they click.

All right. Now everyone grab a partner.

Oh! Oh.

All right. And my dead mother said you are it! I'm with Rachel.

Great, it's gym class all over again.

Aww.

That's all right. You can come up to the front and dance with me.

Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a nightmare?

It's okay, it's okay! I'm here, I'm here. I'm so sorry I'm late.

Okay, here I am.

So who's the new tense girl?

She's your partner.

- Hi, I'm Monica. - Hi.

Oh, ha.

Monica.

Hi, I'm Mon...

Nana.

- Monana? - Yeah.

It's Dutch.

You're kidding. I spent three years in Amsterdam.

Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.

And we're dancing!

Five, six, seven, eight.

Hi.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Where have you been? - I just got back from the vet.

She's not gonna make you wear a big plastic cone, is she?

She says Marcel's humping thing is not a phase.

Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.

Hey, he beat you!

She says, as time goes on, he'll start getting aggressive and violent.

What does this mean?

I have to give him up.

I can't believe it. This sucks!

You just got him. How could he be an adult already?

I know, I know. One day he's this little thing...

...and before you know it, he's this little thing...

...I can't get off my leg.

Isn't there any way you can keep him?

No. No.

The vet said that unless he's in a place where he has regular access...

...to some monkey loving...

...he's just gonna get vicious.

I just gotta get him into a zoo.

- How do you get a monkey into a zoo? - I know that one!

No, that's popes into a Volkswagen.

We're applying to a lot of them. Our first choice would be a state zoo.

You know, like, uh, San Diego.

Right?

But that may just be a pipe dream because he's out-of-state.

My vet knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.

But that's two blocks from the beach. It's a total party zoo.

- Hey. Hey.

- Hi. - We found the girl!

- What? - Did you call the cops?

Nope. We took her to lunch.

Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.

Are you insane? This woman stole from you!

She stole! She's a stealer!

After you're with this woman for 10 minutes, you forget all that.

I mean, she's this astounding person...

...with this amazing spirit!

Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader!

- Take off their hats. - Popes in a Volkswagen!

Mm-hm.

I love that joke.

- No way! No way did you do this! - Monana was very brave.

It was so wild.

We told them we were the Gunnersons in room 615...

...only to find out the Boston Celtics had the entire sixth floor!

So when they caught on to the fact that we're short and have breasts...

They threw us out. I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!

Go, Monana!

Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream.

I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know. Don't wait up.

Oh, by the way...

...tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.

Excuse me?

There's an open call for Cats.

I'm thinking we go down there, sing "Memories"...